Is God present in a civil marriage

Hello everyone, I’d like to ask everyone for your prayers for peace of mind and heart.

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. I met my husband in the Air Force back in 1993, we were married in 1996. we were married by a judge in a civil ceremony with the intent of having a church wedding, however as soon as I said yes the chruch wedding was thrown to the side. During the last 10-12 yrs (lost track) we live in the same household but have very separate lives. The Lord blessed me with 3 boys 2 biological & one from his previous marriage. We have not had any intimacy or friendrship for over 12 yrs. I respect him as the father of my children & by the grace of God don’t have any ill will towards him. We are civil towards each other but that is it. I spoke to my priest and I still can’t partake in taking the eucharist, the deacon recommnds I speak to our new priest. I currently feel drained and cheated. I don’t really believe he ever really loved me. I truly feel like he drains me physically & emotionally when i`m around him. I also feel lonely and like "ve wasted away, with the exception of the Lords blessing with my kids. So please pray for me I need emotional,physical & spiritual help.

So is God present in a marriage that is not performed with the blessing of the church?

thank you.

Were either you or your husband Catholic at the time of your wedding? Did either of you have a previous marriage?

Military marriages are very difficult. What you are describing seems very common here and other Army posts we’ve been stationed at. I’m sure other branches experience similar problems. These problems don’t end with retirement or separation of service because they become habits of the couple. It is very difficult to break these habits since as military wives we MUST keep a large degree of independence and self sufficiency in order to survive the lifestyle we live in. My prayers are with you.

As for God being present in a civil marriage, my opinion is yes He is. It isn’t the same as a sacramental marriage, not even close, but He is still there. Why else would the Church care about the laws governing civil marriages if God wasn’t involved at all in them? My husband and I married civilly at the courthouse. We were young and uneducated in the importance of a Church wedding. God was definetly with us at that time. We felt His hand guiding us towards a deeper understanding of our vows which ultimately led us to a deeper understanding of our faith. After we married in the Church and could once again receive the Eucharist, our bond was deeper and more fulfilling. I will never forget the first time we received the Eucharist together. It was a powerful, beautiful moment for us.

I’ll pray for your family. It’s not easy being married in this society. Yes, do speak with your priest. Hopefully he can help you and your husband find the strength you need to renew your commitment and vows to one another. God bless you and your family

If you are not in a sexual relationship with your husband, you should be able to receive the Eucharist. Consult another priest.

You should be in counseling regarding your marriage, for the sake of your entire family. If your husband will not go, go yourself.

Sure God was at your civil ceremony, but in case your wondering civil ceremonies are easier to annul because the Church regards them differently.

Happy anniversay Lauris such as it is. You, like a lot of other folks, may be in a temporary holiday depression state of funk. As bad as you think marriage life is…it could be worse. Seriously, you should count your blessings, make a list of the good and the bad. I hope you feel better about things and I agree with your **deacons advice **and hope you follow that up.

I’m not sure if I understand what you are asking. Is your question about the reason why you can’t take Communion? That is what seemed the most important issue in your post, but please correct me if I’m wrong. Because if you are Catholic and in a civil marriage that cannot be valid, you are living in mortal sin and thus prevented from taking Communion. Perhaps you could talk to a priest and explain the details of your living arrangements and he could then decide if you can take the Eucharist, given that you are chaste.

I hope that things will become more clear and easier for you. God bless.

I’m the one that is catholic, my husband is not, he just said he believed in “Jesus Christ & he was a christian” He was aware of my beliefs and proposed to me in a catholic church.

On your second question, I’ve never been married prior to my current marriage, however my husband was previously married via a civil union and divorced.

Thank you so much for your words, & you are correct… military marriages are diffcult, and I think even more so when both spouses are AD. We were both AD, but after our second child was born I separated from the af.
It would be my dream come true iif my husband and I could both receive the Eucharist, but I don’t think he would ever do that.

Thank you, yes you are correct I need to speak with a different priest & I know I need counseling, thank you.

I appreciate your words, and wisdom. You’re right every day I count my blessings and take stock of all the good things in my life… my wonderful children, my family, my job, However my heart still longs to have a companion. & I don’t think is the Christmas season after 17 yrs of marriage and 12 + yrs celebrating New yea’rs & going on vacation by myself with my kids…it’s a lonely feeling. I expected to have a spiritual, emotional & physical partner-companion… protector & I don’t. However I will take your advise and follow up with my decons advise.

God Bless.

My post you can say was a mix of my regrets and emotional lows. I’m the one that has always been catholic & my husband is not. At the time of our civil union the plan was to go to my state & home town post the civil union and have a “catholic” wedding with my family, but after we were married by a civil union, he broke the promise and never wanted to have a “catholic” wedding. I spoke to my priest and he infomred me that I needed to have my marriage blessed and validated by the church when I told him that my husband refused he told me I could not take communion, which I understood. But then I saw an episode on EWTN where it explained that if a husband & wife lived as “brother & sister” you could take communion, I went back to my then priest and discussed it with him again, he was already aware that I was celibate for over 10+ yrs at that time. The priest at that time told me to go back home and put a divorce on the table for my husband. I did not do that because I have two kids with him & I don’t wan to see them in split homes, especially my youngest one who has autism.

This could be wrong and someone please correct me if that is the case - but I have heard that a civil marriage can be blessed even if the spouse is against it. However, given that your husband has been married before that would need to be addressed. Since you and your husband are not having marital relations and live as siblings that seems like an easier route to me in terms of receiving the Eucharist.

Praying for you.

Thank you, I will speak to my priest about it.

Have a blessed day.

Hello everyone, I’m in need of your prayers once again, as I stated on my previous post dated Jan 7th 2013, my marriage was a strained marriage, but I love my husband very much. On the 7th of Jan 13 it was our 17th wedding anniversary, on Feb 21, 2013 I walked into my home with my two kids… my husband’s belongings were gone and so was the money in the bank. There was no note no word, I was totally blindsided I never thought it would happen like this, it was so shocking. I had to hold my boys hands and show them why I was telling them daddy was gone, and not coming back, we all hug and cried. He did this 2 weeks prior to my son’s birthday party… his 13th birthday… all the promises he had made to our son broken. He did his parting in a very mean and cruel way. He left me a note that stated he had been miserable for 16 yrs and that was his reason for taking the money. He also said if I tried to ask for any benefits or part of his retirement (military) he would drag me thru courts until I was emotinally drained and financially bankrupt. He left me with all the bills, a house that needs a lot of repairs etc. But what hurts the most is how he did it, to make a long story short,he continues to be very cruel. He sent me a text a few weeks after he left telling me he had been in a comitted relationship, and he was very committed to this person, they have a house and live together. She has a child with aspergers, we have a son with autisim… what hurts it the betrayal and how cruel he is being. He also told me he had stopped loving me many yrs ago, because I gave him a child with a disability…to find out later that he is with someoen with a child with aspergers, made it more hurtful, I have lost so much… my family, my kids now have to be shared witha women I don’t know anytning about. I pray to the lord to heal both our hearts, soul and mind, and I pray that he returns home to his family with a loving heart & I pray for that women to leave him alone. I literally feel so betrayed, I gave up so much trying to save this marriage, now I feel i’m losing everything. I ask for your prayers to help me heal my heart, mind, body and soul… for the lord to make me propesperous, and re"build" me so that I have the energy, focus, spirituality and strength to move forward,weather my husband returns or not. I hope the Lord heals my children’s heart & soul… and I ask that the curse of divorce be broken and not touch my kids. Please pray for me that I stop feeling such despair. Thank you & God bless:console:

I will pray for you but get a lawyer. He owes your children support. It sounds like he is trying to bluff you.


I am praying for you. Please talk with a lawyer. You have many rights in regards to your husband’s benefits, especially with two minor children. You and your children deserve your fair share. I know how hard it is for children on the spectrum to adjust to changes. Two of our sons are also on the autism spectrum and it’s always difficult to go through transitions in life. Please know you are not alone in this. Lots of people here who care.

Agreed. And why would you want that creep back anyway? Yes, this is a Catholic forum and yes, I know about the sanctity of marriage, but I doubt if the Church wants you to suffer with the abject cruelty that this man has caused you. Be strong and move on.

O Holy Patroness of those in need, St. Rita, because thy pleadings before thy Divine Lord are almost irresistible, and because, thou hast been lavish in the granting of favors, thou hast been called the Advocate of the Hopeless and even of the Impossible. St. Rita, so humble, so pure, so mortified, so patient and of such compassionate love for thy Crucified Jesus, thou couldst obtain from Him whatsoever thou askest especially:

The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual healing for Lauris and her children; that she gains the financial wherewithal to support herself and her children adequately

Because of your power, all confidently have recourse to thee, expecting, if not always relief, at least comfort. Be propitious to our petition, showing thy power with God on behalf of thy suppliant. Be lavish to us, as thou hast been in so many wonderful cases, for the greater glory of God, for the spreading of thine own devotion, and for the consolation of those who trust in thee. We promise, if our petition is granted, to glorify thee by making known thy favor, to bless and sing thy praises forever. Amen.

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

Praying my heart out for you and your children.

Call the VA and check for a lawyer - I don’t think he can keep his children from receiving their rightful benefits. Get a lawyer in any case and start pursuing your rights. I think your husband wants you to believe that he can keep you from getting child support. Take HIM through the courts and do it in love for your children. They deserve better than this. And so do you. My prayers will be for you and your children. Frankly I would not take such a man back into my life in any case.

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