Is God there when there is an out of marraige pregnancy?


#1

I have a very dear Catholic friend who’s son and girlfriend are pregnant. My friend is really struggling with this and I am looking for some “words of wisdom” for her. My belief is that even though they sinned, God is still very much a part of what is happening and there is a purpose behind everything that happens…good or bad.


#2

Yes they may have erred, but God is always there and especially when a new Life is been created.
Hopefully they will marry before the birth, prayers needed methinks


#3

Well, you’re right. God is the author of life and also the author of love; besides that, God is everywhere, He is omnipresent. My advice, not knowing the situation any better, is for the couple to be instructed in the true meaning of Christian love, get married in the Church, and raise their children in the Faith. And after they get married, stay married-marriage is permanent. God bless you, and I will pray for them.


#4

As this thread deals with doctrine and theology, it was moved to Apologetics.


#5

[quote=LoverofChrist]I have a very dear Catholic friend who’s son and girlfriend are pregnant. My friend is really struggling with this and I am looking for some “words of wisdom” for her. My belief is that even though they sinned, God is still very much a part of what is happening and there is a purpose behind everything that happens…good or bad.
[/quote]

Of course the child is made in the image and likeness of God. The sin consists of the sexual relationship outside of Marriage. It is important that they both support and provide for the child. The Church some times recommends that they not consider Marriage until the child is two years old. To insure that they are not being compelled to Marry because of the pregnancy and that their decision is totally free and in no way forced by circumstances.


#6

There is no child in this world ever conceived that is not a gift from God.


#7

God has a way of bringing good out of the sinful act. Look at the Garden of Eden. Man sinned yet this sin caused God to become man to redeem us.

My neice is also pregnant. She is 16. And I keep telling her that the life inside of her God created along with her and her boyfriend. Also explaining to her that “See, sex is for marriage”.

In order for the life inside her to be created to begin with God has to have something to do with it along with her and the boy.

Ken


#8

[quote=CreosMary]Yes they may have erred, but God is always there and especially when a new Life is been created.
Hopefully they will marry before the birth, prayers needed methinks
[/quote]

In no way would a Catholic pastor approve a marriage being made in such haste due to a pregnancy. If done this most certainly would be an invalid marriage because the two would feel pressure to marry due to the pregnancy.

In such a case I am sure that there would be a delay of much time before the priest would allow them to marry to insure that they are not getting married due to the preganancy.

Ken


#9

The way I see it is this:

The marital embrace is often described as a unification of two people into one, and one of the closest things to God a person could experience. Some even say it is a glimpse of heaven!

God is always present when two people unite their bodies in an act of selfless love and giving. Those who do this without the physical, emotional, or spiritual security of marriage are putting themselves in grave risk (their material state, their emotional state, and their spiritual state). The fact that a baby was conceived is matter of biology (time of month, fertility, etc). The fact that a life was created is a matter of God. Who else could breathe a soul into this child’s body?

The child has all of the rights and dignities afforded to a child of God, and should not be looked down upon or treated differently because of the circumstances of his conception. The church teaches this same concept for babies who are conceived outside of the human body even! Though the means of conception was not moral, the child who is created is surely a child of God.

Several people have given advice concerning whether the parents should now marry. I don’t think that is our decision to make. As a matter of fact, outside pressure to marry (especially in the case of a pregnancy) can actually invalidate a marriage and be cause for an annulment! Two people should not marry solely because they have a baby together. They should marry because they are able to enter into a marital contract with the rights and responsibilities that come with it. AND, given the fact that they obviously do not currently have a right understanding of love and marriage, it would lend one to think that they need quite some time for reflection and instruction before they will be in a position to make such a commitment.


#10

I think at this point, I’m not so concerned with marraige. I am more concerned about the baby and about the relationship between my friend and her son. Those are the what is tearing her apart at this time. Thanks for all the wonderful input though!!!


#11

[quote=Forest-Pine]The way I see it is this:

The marital embrace is often described as a unification of two people into one, and one of the closest things to God a person could experience. Some even say it is a glimpse of heaven!

God is always present when two people unite their bodies in an act of selfless love and giving. Those who do this without the physical, emotional, or spiritual security of marriage are putting themselves in grave risk (their material state, their emotional state, and their spiritual state). The fact that a baby was conceived is matter of biology (time of month, fertility, etc). The fact that a life was created is a matter of God. Who else could breathe a soul into this child’s body?
[/quote]

God however it must be remembered is not present in the grave (mortal) sin of fornication.


#12

[quote=Br. Rich SFO]God however it must be remembered is not present in the grave (mortal) sin of fornication.
[/quote]

Right, but is He their for the child?


#13

[quote=Br. Rich SFO]God however it must be remembered is not present in the grave (mortal) sin of fornication.
[/quote]

Right, but is He there for the child?


#14

[quote=LoverofChrist]I have a very dear Catholic friend who’s son and girlfriend are pregnant. My friend is really struggling with this and I am looking for some “words of wisdom” for her. My belief is that even though they sinned, God is still very much a part of what is happening and there is a purpose behind everything that happens…good or bad.
[/quote]

Remeber there’s a difference between God’s Will and his permissable will. Meaning, God’s will for us would not be to sin sexually and conceive a child outside of marriage as the result. God’s will for us is to follow the commandments and to conceive children within the Sacrament of Marriage.

But, his permissable will allows us to freely choose our actions. He takes our actions-- good and bad-- and weaves the result into his ultimate plan and will… Remember, the Bible tells us God works for the good in all things. So, he takes bad situations and can bring good out of them.

Our sinful actions do not deter God from accomplishing his Holy Will. Sometimes we can’t understand how he does it, but he does. Even using our bad choices and actions.

The baby is a definite “good”. An innocent life and immortal soul! God gives each person their immortal soul at their conception, so yes, he is with this child.

Your friend might find a support group-- perhaps through a crisis pregnancy center or Catholic Charities. My family went through this when my sister became pregnant at 19. Getting some good Catholic counseling would be a wise thing. It was very hard on my parents going through this.

But, my sister gave her baby up for adoption through an open adoption, and my nephew has a loving family and we still get to see him. It has indeed worked out for the best all the way around.


#15

[quote=LoverofChrist]I have a very dear Catholic friend who’s son and girlfriend are pregnant. My friend is really struggling with this and I am looking for some “words of wisdom” for her. My belief is that even though they sinned, God is still very much a part of what is happening and there is a purpose behind everything that happens…good or bad.
[/quote]

Tell your friend that Mary and Joseph weren’t married when Mary became pregnant. God was certainly there. Ask Mary and Joseph to help your friend during this difficult time. Celebrate the life, even if its creation wasn’t planned by the couple. It was definitely planned by God.


#16

I have a very dear Catholic friend who’s son and girlfriend are pregnant. My friend is really struggling with this and I am looking for some “words of wisdom” for her. My belief is that even though they sinned, God is still very much a part of what is happening and there is a purpose behind everything that happens…good or bad.

Eighteen years ago this was me.
Was God there for my baby? ABSOLUTELY!!!

What a beautiful precious gift!

God was even there for me and my fiance. We just celebrated 17 years of marriage and went on to have five more children.

Sometimes people start off on a bad road. An “accident” like this can sometimes bring out the best in people. There is something about having a child that causes (most) people to stop thinking of themselves for a change - and to start thinking of more important matters.

There are worse things than this …they could have decided to terminate the preganancy. In this day and age I think couples who choose life - even under less-than-ideal circumstances - should be commended for not choosing death.


#17

God is not only “there” for that precious baby, but gave His only Son on the cross for that baby!

I became a shocked and unsuspecting grandparent for the first time with one of those unexpected arrivals, and learned some lessons in the process. Its one thing to be dismayed over your child becoming pregnant out of wedlock…but the best advice I got was I didn’t have to condone how it happened, but it was important to CELEBRATE the gift of life of that new baby. Regardless of the circumstances (which were difficult) we enthusiastically embraced the coming of a new life! What a difference that attitude can make, instead of dwelling on an objectively immoral act that preceded it. I think the very attitude we carried made everything more joyful and healing than it could have been otherwise.

I also would caution anyone giving advice about how soon the couple should marry…so much depends on the circumstances, age, and motivation of the couple. Would it be a good thing if they married and committed to the child as a loving family? Of Course. But how soon or how long requires some discernment, and hopefully some sound advice from ideally a priest and counselor.

I thank God everytime I hold my grandchild. A gift of unbelievable joy to all of us.


#18

The baby…her grandchild…will help heal all those bad feelings. :slight_smile:


#19

So how does she treat her son now that he has an out-of-wedlock baby on the way? That’s your big concern. She doesn’t want to show approval for the sin, but she doesn’t want to show hate toward the innocent little one. How does she walk the line?

First, she needs to be loving. Honestly loving. True love will not tolerate sin, but it also will not hurt the sinner.

Second, she needs to seperate the baby from the sin. The baby had nothing to do with it.

Third, she needs to be an example of how to reconcile his position with God. Reconciliation. A commitment to not having pre-marital sex again. She most likely will not be an effective witness if she is condescending, putting him in a position of choosing the mother of his child or his own mother, etc. So the proper way of addressing this is to show love for all three of them and through that love to assist them in picking themselves up and moving on. This would be done through an expression of joy. For instance, she could help make it possible for them to live seperately by allowing one of them to live with her rent free (and not being overbearing while the one is there). She could assist in rent for the second one. She could offer to babysit. She could regularly have them over to dinner to cut down on their food bill (and take the opportunity to witness to them). Whatever it is they need help with. And not because she is begrudgingly doing it, but with Christ shining through her actions.

Fourth, she probably will want to keep a good relationship with the son and the girlfriend in order to be an effective witness to them and the new baby. This will require her to set priorities and then make her actions in line with those priorities. Is her priority to lead them to Christian living? Will sitting them down and authoritatively telling them that they are in mortal sin assist in that aim? How else can she accomplish this goal through love?

Fifth, she should show the same amount of joy for this grandchild as she would have any other time. He is deserving of love. A baby shower. A doting grandma. Presents. Play time. It will warm the parents’ hearts to hear Christ when they see Him through Grandma’s love.

Afterall, the people they need to be around the MOST right now are good, devout Christians who can SHOW them the right way to act. Otherwise, they will turn to our society which will tell them that they did nothing wrong. Not a very good message to send, is it?


#20

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