Is God using this situation to tell me I'm not called to marriage?


#1

So as of right now I’m in the early stages of dating a wonderful young woman, but things in my life continue to go south. I’m currently teaching but I have not been renewed next year due to budget issues. I’ve applied to other jobs but have only had one interview and I’m sure I didn’t get the job. I am going back to get my masters in special education but i’m worried that i’ll just keep struggling. it took me two years to get a full time job with my bachelors and I’m worried it will take just as long with my masters because for some reason people don’t want to hire me. The only jobs I seem to be able to get are low wage jobs (I got offered one as a grocery store manager but i’d only make 25000 which wouldn’t be enough to support a family even where I live) and I worry i’ll just be some low status male the rest of my life.

My question is, is God using this to tell me i’m not called to marriage, at least not right now? This is the first girl I’ve dated and felt that would be a great match for me, but if I can’t provide for her it won’t work. I feel like I should just give up on trying to find a spouse and just work on getting out of debt (which is 55000 between my car and my student loans:() which will take forever.

I also just feel like maybe i’m not meant for marriage simply because i’m a tad bit different. I don’t have a lot of friends and my only real close relationships besides this woman are my family and they all have issues too (mom is about to retire, brother has autism, sister has severe depression) which means maybe I should just take care of them. I really just am so unsure of my life and worry i’ll just be some poor ugly slob who’s best opportunity is working at some low end grocery store job. I almost don’t even want to get my masters because its more money down the toilet. So is this God’s way of saying that marriage is out of the picture for me? Especially since I don’t really want to have kids past 40 since birth defects occur with old fathers and mothers


#2

The problems you mention aren’t problems with the relationship per se, so I would say no. The problems you are experiencing are problems anyone might experience. God often uses trials like these to help us to grow in our faith. But I think if this were a message that you should not marry, the trials would be more specific. Just my opinion. Have you asked God in prayer what His will is for you?


#3

I haven’t seemed to have gotten an answer, at least not a specific answer. Either i’m too dumb or too unworthy or something else makes me unable to hear God. I just know he feels far away or one paradoxical image I have of him is like air. We can’t live without God but like Air, god doesn’t really do much else. A strange paradox indeed


#4

God’s answers are not always immediate. Keep praying. Listen to how you feel, also. You seem to really like this person you are dating. You also seem to be in your 40’s based on your post, and you indicate this is the first relationship you ever had where marriage was a possibility. Could it be that you’re scared? And perhaps looking for an out? Think about that. The opposite of what you are thinking may be true- that God brought this woman into your life so that you could marry and have companionship.


#5

I definitely am not in my 40’s i’m 26 (I mention my 40’s because I’m worried that if I get married after about 35 or so i’ll have kids with birth defects and I guess I have an old soul ) but maybe I am a little scared but more by the fact that I won’t be able to get a good job especially with my struggles in the past.


#6

Ah. My mistake. 26 is quite young and the 20’s and early 30’s it’s common to have financial struggles. It isn’t fun, but it is normal. As you get older and more established in your career, your income will rise. Don’t let it put you off the idea of marriage.


#7

I’m sorry you didn’t get a contract for this year. I know that’s very frustrating. When I was looking for a teaching job, I got turned down for dozens of HORRIBLE ones. I was feeling really low and it’s looked like I might have to be a para for a year and I got called for an interview in the second week of August. I was hired two days later, and two days before the first day of school. The job I ended up getting was in one of the best districts in my area. It was waaaaaaay better than nearly all the schools that had turned me down. I guess the moral of the story is to not despair and remember that God has a plan for you. It may be that someone is about to call you with an awesome contract in a great district where you’ll work yourself into tenure and live happily ever after. If you like the girl, I would not lose confidence because you’re dealing with this right now. LOTS of teachers get cut multiple times before they reach tenure and have to change districts or pray that a section opens up before the school year starts.


#8

Take the grocery manager’s job. Do not borrow more money!!! Explain your situation to the young lady and let her decide. But there is no point in continued dating if there is no mutual agreement to marry. This is not a case of God telling you something. This is a result of your own choices. God never would advise you to go in debt.

Linus2nd


#9

Debt is a part of life, and so is waiting.

Your current difficulties are not a matter of your life vocation, but if you feel you shouldn’t marry now, because of debts, then don’t.

Put it all on the table with her, and let the chips fall as they must. If the two of you are right together, your relationship will survive.

ICXC NIKA.


#10

Mom of a 26 year old here. I think you might be overthinking things too much. :blush:

You may in fact not be getting hired because you don’t have your masters degree. Many places require it, and if they don’t, they may still hire the candidate that has it.

As far as dating this girl: slow down. This is your first girlfriend. It may be too early to think about whether you want to marry her or not. Get to know her further. You have plenty of time.

And lastly, many people don’t have lots of friends and rely on their family for companionship. Nothing wrong with that. If people only married people with families that had no problems, no one would be married! Everybody has something. Maybe even your girlfriend’s family. :rolleyes:

Keep praying for God to lead you to His will for you, but never assume that you know what that is. I think God loves to surprise us in life.


#11

I think you need to find a priest or spiritual director is you want to discern any particular vocation in life.

Also, I would guess that most directors would say not any one situation is enough to validate a calling in a person’s conscience. :shrug:


#12

where did you get the idea that having kids after 35 will give you kids with birth defects?

I think you are worrying too much and God is giving you a message…

There is a limit in planning our lives but ultimately God is the one who really plans our lives. He may give us trials and tribulations and this will really test your faith…Would you still love God despite the fact that your plans in life are not pushing through…

With regards to your relationship to this woman, I think you should consider it as a blessings. Always be grateful for what you have and say Thank you Lord.

I hope you will find another job, a more fruitful job for that matter. Just be positive. Continue praying and searching for another job… GOODLUCK IN ALL YOU DO !!!


#13

I like Allegra’s answers. I would give it an A+ but I like to encourage humility in my students and continual striving to be just a little bit better! :thumbsup:

So, yes. Trust that God does care. He does have a plan. It’s a good one. And don’t make adversity personal.


#14
  1. Only you can answer and discern what you think God might be telling you (if anything). I suggest you pray for wisdom and direction and don’t make rash decisions. As for complaining of your wage…you are only 26. Everyone starts at the bottom and works their way up. For some reason kids these days think they come out of college making 100k…its not reality. That grocery manager job may start at 25K but it won’t end there. I suggest practically that you take a job like that and work your way up.

  2. Marriage is not about finances…yes as a family you need to make financial decisions and be good stewards, but the fact that you are jobless and penniless should not factor into your decisions about if you should or shouldn’t marry. For richer or poorer…you guys are surviving now and you could survive as a couple as long as you guys are on the same page about life.

  3. We are all a little odd in one way or another


#15

Thats sweet of you to say but I know so many people who have a lot more friends and usually are hanging out with them or at least get together once in a while. I have plenty of people I know but only one or two close friends who I really talk to on a regular basis. I feel like I don’t have a ton of deep friendships. And are these people just socially awkward or mentally ill (not trying to be mean but I know thats what hurts my brother and sister in relationships


#16

Ummm the risk of Down Syndrome goes up in women who get pregnant after 40 and their have been links between the age of the Father and things like Mental Retardation and Autism. Not defects per se, but I guess more issues. My own parents were 45 and 38 when they married and I sometimes wonder if maybe they shouldn’t have had kids (i’m sure there would have been a way to prevent pregnancy through NFP at that age) since my brother has Austism (high functioning but still) and my sister has such severe depression and we all have varying degrees of anxiety (though this isn’t an age thing). So I guess I want a shot at healthy kids. Not that its guaranteed.


#17

Please, stop overthinking again! There is no guarantee of a healthy child ever. It is only through the grace and gift of God that children are healthy, but always, you will love them, no matter what. Depression happens to people regardless of how old parents are when the child is conceived, autism, Down syndrome too. You just never know. My father was 50 when I was born, my mother almost 40. My last child was born when I was 40. All fine. So stop worrying. Don’t limit yourself with a timeframe.


#18

Alright I will stop over thinking but here is my last overthought :slight_smile:

Why go through the increased risk though? To me this would be like me who doesn’t know ow to swim going into the deep end of the pool. Now sure I could maybe swim out, and maybe by some miracle i could survive, but more than likely I would drown on my own. Yes God’s will is important but we shouldn’t test him so much and so recklessly.


#19

But you are only 26! Not 36! You have years to go.

And no one is saying to test God, but to trust God.


#20

This not a good way of thinking…We have to be more positive in life… You are worrying too much. I have 2 close friends who had 2 beautiful girls at age 43…

Please stop doing what you are doing because it is not healthy. God is in charge of our life and maybe he is sending you this trials to actually make you think about life that we are not in charge and God is… Do your best and God will do the rest…the future may never come so why worry about it…


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.