Is he not that into me?


#1

Ok, I feel really stupid asking this question but the thing is, I have really only had experience dating non-catholics who have not been very chaste. So I feel out of my depth here.

Ok, he’s a nice Catholic guy, kinda shy, only had one girlfriend before, not exactly a smooth talker if you know what I mean.

We met at at the Young Adults Catholic group a few weeks ago. The next Sunday we spent a bit of time talking, during which he asked me about what it would take to get me to say “yes” to a date. Later in the evening he asked me for my number and asked me to dinner with him.
We chatted on the phone mid-week and went out on Friday night to dinner and a movie. He came by my place to pick me up, paid for both dinner and movie. We had a lovely time and when he dropped me back at my place he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. He said he would see me at church on Sunday and at the Young Adults Group afterwards.
We talked Saturday night on the phone and he read me some of his poetry, that he says he has never read to anyone else before so I should be flattered. He also compared me favourably to his ex-girlfriend.
Sunday night we sat together for Mass - he felt guilty when I went to confession before Mass since he hadn’t been in a few months and so he went too. After the Young Adults group he walked me to the train station and told me to text him when I got home so he would know that I was safe. He also said he would call me to organise going for dinner this Friday. Once again, kiss on the cheek and hug. Also walking arm in arm.

Ok, here’s my thing. Guys I’ve dated in the past would have tried to kiss me on the lips by now. Also, they would have given me lots of compliments, mostly about my appearence, where as he has really only given me compliments on my personality - oh and saying he liked my pink top and that pink was my colour.
Does this mean that he does like me, and is a gentleman, or that he just is not that into me? I am confused and am wondering if my unchaste past is giving me false expectations.
I want to have a good, chaste dating life - and he is a perfect guy for that. He is so sweet and good - and so intelligent - cute too!

Advice please!!!


#2

Don’t rush it! Let him be the first to move and, yes, he’s being a gentleman! :slight_smile: The time will come soon enough and it’s best to take things slow, esp. at the beginning when you’re not sure where this relationship will go. Like I said, LET HIM MAKE THE MOVES :D. Sounds like a really great guy to me :).


#3

He is taking the time to get to know you. Don’t worry, I imagine that he likes you.

A lot.

(He read you his own poetry. That says it all.)


#4

In all honesty, I feel sad that you seem to have had a lot of experiences that make you wonder about this gentleman’s motives just because he hasn’t “made a move” on you.

REJOICE, my dear! This is a man looking beyond the external, someone who admires you for who you are inside. He is not someone looking for some"thing" to occupy his time. He sounds like he knows how to treat a woman, like a human being and not like a sex object.

I hope things work out for the two of you and if they do, I hope you realize what a treasure God has given you!


#5

Um, he’s totally into you.

Don’t try to entice him into more physical stuff… he may not believe in kissing on the lips or something.

Actually, back in my days of being a total heathen, I went on a date with a guy who SHOOK MY HAND at the end of the night and it really threw me for a loop and made me want to see him more. He later confided that this was a tactic he used to ultimately score. :rolleyes: So, yeah… while I’m not saying this guy is planning something sinister, it may well be that he’s figured out he can stand out from the others by NOT pushing for anything. Chicks do find that intriguing.


#6

As a guy, I can say he definitely is into you and into you as a person as opposed to others who are just into the thrill of dating and seeking physical intimacy. I waited to kiss my first girlfriend till after a month and I would never kiss on the first date, because I think you need a level of trust established (as well as showing your intentions are pure and not seeking more). Sounds like a keeper so far, so stick with it because he cared about your safety by asking you to tell him you where alright. I think that says more than a kiss.
Maybe you are worried he does not think you are beautiful, but don’t interprut this as the case. He probably does.


#7

If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t be doing all the stuff which he IS doing. You’ve met a gentleman. Appreciate it.


#8

He likes you! Dont worry.


#9

He’s definitely into you. You say he’s shy and “not a good talker”. This leads me to believe that he’s probably a little nervous and desperately trying not to mess this up.


#10

Does he like you? Hmm, let’s see.

He reads you poetry he has written himself, and won’t let anyone else see.

Translation: He trusts you.

He thinks you have a great personality.

Translation: he knows you’re beautiful on the outside, but he’s even more impressed with the inside. This is because he actually took the time to look.

He is behaving like a real friend, and then some; spending time getting to know you, and showing respect for you by letting you form your own opinion of him, rather than assuming you like him and taking the physical stuff too far, too fast…

Translation: He knows you have a brain, and he’s not afraid if you use it. And, as a special bonus, he doesn’t suffer from a severely enlarged ego.

He sounds like a breath of fresh air! And not only that, a breath of fresh air who thinks you are amazing!

The other posters are correct, though. Take it slowly. It’s too early to throw caution to the wind.


#11

I’m male so I’m speaking from experience here. YOU must be something REALLY special!!! From what you have said in your OP, this guy is not only “interested,” he’s head over heels for you!!!


#12

May be true, but I can’t get my brain around that one.


#13

he definitely like you a lot. however, you mentioned that most guys compliment you on your looks. that being the case, if you’re smokin’ hot, he could be intimidated. you should try touching him lightly, (not the bad parts) but say on the forearm. on a subconcious level, this tells him that you like him and he may open up some more.


#14

He probably likes you, but the whole comparing you favorably to his ex on one of the first 3 dates? SHADY!

I never bring up exes unless 1) asked, then I answer with the least amount of info possible, 2) We run into them, and then I simply say oh he’s someone I was friends with in college or 3) I’m having a horrible time and trying to freak him out so I can just go home and take a hot bath.


#15

What a sweet guy!!! Sounds like he is taking it slow, which is a very good thing. He also sounds very respectful and probably isn’t sure what to complement you on because he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, you both just met! This one seems like a keeper.


#16

I agree. What’s the hurry? Take time to get to know him better and let things take their course. Don’t try to push something that he may not be ready for right away. He sounds like a very nice person to me.


#17

This is the sad legacy of our secular culture.

Yes, he is interested in you. Let him move at his own pace, and do not push, rush, or analyze this thing to death.

That said, I suggest you get a couple of books and visit some websites.

www.pureloveclub.com

Christian Courtship In An Oversexed World
I Kissed Dating Goodbye


#18

I think he sounds like a sincere man who really cares for you a lot! You sound like a very special person, congratulations to both of you for finding each other.


#19

He’s shy, he’s only had one real ex, and he’s not a smooth talker; he may not have the good scene not to bring exs up like that.


#20

This guy likes you. So don’t rush into anything just take it one step at a time. He likes you for who you are not for your looks and that is very rare. You have met a good one and it is obvious that he respects you by the way he has treated you so far. Not to happy about him comparing you to the ex. But for now just enjoy it and see what happens.

Good luck and I wish you well.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.