Is it a mortal sin to sleep with my girlfriend without having instimity


#1

I live in Cal and my gf lives in TJ, Mexico, and I go visit her every week from Frid-Sun. I stay the night over in her apartment and we sleep together without having no sex at all, we just fall asleep hugging eachother. Is this a mortal sin?? We are planning of marrying this year in church.
Or We should sleep saparetly, me in the couck and her in the bed??


#2

[quote="mtsacricky, post:1, topic:327454"]
I live in Cal and my gf lives in TJ, Mexico, and I go visit her every week from Frid-Sun. I stay the night over in her apartment and we sleep together without having no sex at all, we just fall asleep hugging eachother. Is this a mortal sin?? We are planning of marrying this year in church.
Or We should sleep saparetly, me in the couck and her in the bed??

[/quote]

It's a horrible idea. Even if it's not and never an occasion of sin for you (not likely), it could be for her, and most likely is as well. Separate beds, preferably separate rooms.


#3

Ideally you should not share the same room at all. It’s an occasion of sin. You should definitely not sleep together, yes it’s a sin and it’s inviting temptation and sin.

Putting ourselves into an occasion of sin, is sinful.

Passioniate kissing is also gravely sinful for the unmarried: this was actually defined by a Pope, and he condemned all other views.

Everything that excites these types of passions should ONLY be for marriage.

Might sound difficult, but it’s for your good, so you don’t fall into sin. Remember that it’s already a sin to knowingly put yourself in a position where you know you might be tempted.


#4

Wow didnt know passionate kissing is a grave sin and we french kiss all the time.
But the question is, is sleeping together with no sex is consider Mortal or Venial??


#5

[quote="mtsacricky, post:1, topic:327454"]
I live in Cal and my gf lives in TJ, Mexico, and I go visit her every week from Frid-Sun. I stay the night over in her apartment and we sleep together without having no sex at all, we just fall asleep hugging eachother. Is this a mortal sin?? We are planning of marrying this year in church.
Or We should sleep saparetly, me in the couck and her in the bed??

[/quote]

All sexual sins are grave. If all three conditions for a mortal sin exist, then the sin is mortal, if less than three, it is venial.

It is tempting to sinful thoughts to sleep together in the same bed. It is lustful to touch as only a married couple should.

Also it is bad example (scandal) to stay in the same house together, leading others to sin by example, because it appears to others that you are fornicating.


#6

I should of never learned the three condition that makes mortal sin… So for now on every sin I make even the venials considered becomes mortal because im consent of the three rules of mortal.
Ex en example tomorrow is my friend birthday is tomorrow and we planning a birthday surprise party. I’m going to lie to him that im going to drive him to his mom house after hes out of work, but actually im going to take him to hes sister house for a surprise birthday party. So that means im going to be commiting a mortal sin for lying because im consent Lying is wrong, its sinful and is offending god, and my free will is to tell the lie anyways?? so thisi surprise party little lie makes it a Mortal Sin???


#7

Something else:

Aside from putting yourself into the near occasion of sin being sinful in itself, there is also the possibility of scandal, which is also sinful. So, even though you know you are not having sex, others might not, even if you say you are not they might not believe you.


#8

There is nothing wrong in lying for occasions like the one you mention. As for your question on intimacy, others have done a good job, i find, of answering. Near occasion of sin and scandal. Tambièn(;))don’t start seeing mortal sins everywhere.


#9

[quote="mtsacricky, post:6, topic:327454"]
I should of never learned the three condition that makes mortal sin.. So for now on every sin I make even the venials considered becomes mortal because im consent of the three rules of mortal.
Ex en example tomorrow is my friend birthday is tomorrow and we planning a birthday surprise party. I'm going to lie to him that im going to drive him to his mom house after hes out of work, but actually im going to take him to hes sister house for a surprise birthday party. So that means im going to be commiting a mortal sin for lying because im consent Lying is wrong, its sinful and is offending god, and my free will is to tell the lie anyways?? so thisi surprise party little lie makes it a Mortal Sin???

[/quote]

It is better to know the three conditions because then you can live like Christ. Venial sin weakens charity. Doing many venial sins may break us. Catechism:
1863 Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection for created goods; it impedes the soul's progress in the exercise of the virtues and the practice of the moral good; it merits temporal punishment. Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin. However venial sin does not break the covenant with God. With God's grace it is humanly reparable. "Venial sin does not deprive the sinner of sanctifying grace, friendship with God, charity, and consequently eternal happiness."134

While he is in the flesh, man cannot help but have at least some light sins. But do not despise these sins which we call "light": if you take them for light when you weigh them, tremble when you count them. A number of light objects makes a great mass; a number of drops fills a river; a number of grains makes a heap. What then is our hope? Above all, confession.135


#10

I wouldn't get hung up on whether or not it is technically grave matter. In either case, it's not really the best idea to help you both avoid temptation. Maybe there are people out there who would not be so tempted. If so, I've never met them. :p

Just FYI, though, grave matter is necessary for a sin to be mortal. If the matter is not grave, full knowledge and complete consent do not turn a venial into a mortal one.

Misleading someone temporarily for a surprise party is not lying.


#11

[quote="Monica4316, post:3, topic:327454"]

Passioniate kissing is also gravely sinful for the unmarried: this was actually defined by a Pope, and he condemned all other views.

[/quote]

Would you mind providing a source for this claim?

[quote="mtsacricky, post:6, topic:327454"]
I should of never learned the three condition that makes mortal sin.. So for now on every sin I make even the venials considered becomes mortal because im consent of the three rules of mortal.
Ex en example tomorrow is my friend birthday is tomorrow and we planning a birthday surprise party. I'm going to lie to him that im going to drive him to his mom house after hes out of work, but actually im going to take him to hes sister house for a surprise birthday party. So that means im going to be commiting a mortal sin for lying because im consent Lying is wrong, its sinful and is offending god, and my free will is to tell the lie anyways?? so thisi surprise party little lie makes it a Mortal Sin???

[/quote]

I think you are misunderstanding. Even if you have full knowledge and consent, if the matter is not grave then the sin will still be venial. In order to be mortal sin not only do you need full knowledge and full consent of the will, but the matter at hand must be gravely sinful.


#12

[quote="thewanderer, post:11, topic:327454"]
Would you mind providing a source for this claim?

I think you are misunderstanding. Even if you have full knowledge and consent, if the matter is not grave then the sin will still be venial. In order to be mortal sin not only do you need full knowledge and full consent of the will, but the matter at hand must be gravely sinful.

[/quote]

See this thread:
forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=449211


#13

No, it is not a mortal sin to sleep and hug. There is no degree of sin according to Scripture. Sin is sin. Lustful thoughts alone are sin as Jesus was quoted. Since you have both agreed not to get naked and do the naughy, you are honoring yourself, and God. Don't fall victim to false rhetoric from others that dump their guilt on you. But I must say, that is very difficult, we are only human. Be diligant, ...and by not getting naked with her, and fornicating, you will strengthen your marriage when the others around you are falling apart. If you remained faithful to God in your courtship, you will be a trusting loving couple in your marriage!

High-5 :) FF


#14

[quote="Vico, post:12, topic:327454"]
See this thread:
forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=449211

[/quote]

ok, yeah, I know about that, but that is not the same thing as a straight up condemnation of passionate kissing. That is a condemnation of kissing for the sake of sexual pleasure/arousal.


#15

Some input based on having this conversation with my priest in the confessional. (Not trying to be the final word, just giving the info I received for the sake of the discussion)

Sleeping in the same bed as your girlfriend is not, on its own, sinful. However, my priest said it'd be like an alcoholic asking to just look at a glass of beer and not drink. It isn't sinful, but why would you want to do it. My response was that a glass of beer is not a human being, so it's an unfair analogy, my girlfriend wants physical closeness, and, if it's not sinful, I want to give that to her.


#16

[quote="ActingCatholic, post:15, topic:327454"]
Some input based on having this conversation with my priest in the confessional. (Not trying to be the final word, just giving the info I received for the sake of the discussion)

Sleeping in the same bed as your girlfriend is not, on its own, sinful. However, my priest said it'd be like an alcoholic asking to just look at a glass of beer and not drink. It isn't sinful, but why would you want to do it. My response was that a glass of beer is not a human being, so it's an unfair analogy, my girlfriend wants physical closeness, and, if it's not sinful, I want to give that to her.

[/quote]

The point of his analgoy is that this is something which is going to make it difficult for you to avoid sinning. And knowlingly putting yourself into a situation where you personally are very likely to fall and commit a mortal sin without a good reason to do so is actually sinful, not because the action itself is sinful, but because you are recklessly endangering your soul. So, no, it is not inherently sinful to sleep in the same bed, however, it is extremely unlikely that two people who are attracted to each other can do so for a prolonged period of time without being tempted further. And, since there is no pressing reason (yes, there are other ways to show affection) it would be wrongg to do so.


#17

[quote="thewanderer, post:16, topic:327454"]
The point of his analgoy is that this is something which is going to make it difficult for you to avoid sinning. And knowlingly putting yourself into a situation where you personally are very likely to fall and commit a mortal sin without a good reason to do so is actually sinful, not because the action itself is sinful, but because you are recklessly endangering your soul. So, no, it is not inherently sinful to sleep in the same bed, however, it is extremely unlikely that two people who are attracted to each other can do so for a prolonged period of time without being tempted further. And, since there is no pressing reason (yes, there are other ways to show affection) it would be wrongg to do so.

[/quote]

*a situation where you personally are very likely to fall and commit a mortal sin *

I don't understand this. If I personally make the decision that I am not going to have sex with my girlfriend, how is any situation "very likely" for me to then have sex with my girlfriend, and do it with full consent?


#18

[quote="ActingCatholic, post:17, topic:327454"]
*a situation where you personally are very likely to fall and commit a mortal sin *

I don't understand this. If I personally make the decision that I am not going to have sex with my girlfriend, how is any situation "very likely" for me to then have sex with my girlfriend, and do it with full consent?

[/quote]

Because despite what your previous decisions and commitments are, when the temptation arises, it is easy to set aside your previously made commitments and instead give in to the temptation and sin.

I have personally made the decision that I am not going to have sex with my fiance. That doesn't change the fact that certain situations can tempt me to give up on that resolve. The same goes for you and every single other person in existence. Now, I can't say exactly when and in what situations you would be putting yourself in a near occasion of sin, only you can know that through honest reflection, but to knowingly put yourself in an occasion of sin without a good reason is itself sinful because, as I said, you are being reckless with your soul. Sleeping in the same bed as someone you are romantically attracted to is in the vast majority of cases, a near occasion of sin for people.

Another factor to consider is scandal... (leading other people to sin by example). If people know that you sleep in the same bed they are going to assume that you are sleeping together, and this can lead to them becoming more accepting of the idea of sex before marriage and could lead them to eventually give in and do the same. (This is especially true of Catholics and Christians... if even the Christians/Catholics are doing it, then it must be ok nowadays, right?)

Even if you tell them you are not sleeping together (and they actually believe you about that) andyou personally are able to sleep in the same bed as your girlfriend without either of you putting yourselves in a near occasion of sin, the vast majority of people cannot. Which means your example could lead other people to try the same thing, ending in them failing and sleeping together. And once you sleep together once it is harder to avoid it in the future.

Now, both of these, near occasion of sin, and causing scandal, are not things that must always and everywhere be avoided, if one has a serious enough reason then one can perform actions which will put them into temptation and/or lead others to sin, but I really don't see how showing your girlfriend affection in this way is so necessary that it makes it ok.

In summary, even if this situation is not a strong temptation for either you or your girlfriend (which is unlikely) you are most likely helping weaken other people's resolve from waiting until marriage which is wrong becuase it is uncharitable to others.


#19

If you want an example of what serious reasons and circumstances would make it ok, me and my then boyfriend were traveling once, and were staying at a friends house one of the nights. We had had a long and exhausting day, went out with our friend and some other friends they had over, so that kept us up even later, got back to the house and the party looked like it was going to continue for a long long time. But, one of us was supposed to sleep on the couch in the room where the party was continuing. We were both exhausted and drained, physically and emotionally, on the verge of tears and snapping, with a long day of travel ahead of us. So, we went to the one spare bedroom and slept on opposite sides of the bed without touching each other. We needed to be able to get a good nights sleep and that was the only possible way for it to happen. Situations like that can be sufficient reason to sleep in the same bed, but you have to do what you can to avoid temptation and scandal. (Explain the situation to those who know about it and avoid cuddling if it will be too tempting. (in this situation we probably could have been cuddling.... we still would have fallen dead asleep in two seconds because of exhaustion. :shrug:)


#20

[quote="Father_Fanatic, post:13, topic:327454"]
There is no degree of sin according to Scripture. Sin is sin.

[/quote]

The Scriptures clearly teach there are degrees of sinning, mortal (sin which leads to death) and venial (sin which does not lead to death) sins:

If anyone sees his brother sinning a sin which does not lead to death, he will ask, and He will give him life for those who commit sin not leading to death. There is sin leading to death: I do not say that he should pray about that. All unrighteousness is sin: and there is sin not leading to death. (I John 5:16-17)


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.