Is it a problem with me or him?


#1

Over the past few months my husband seems to be getting fustrated with me over what I think is nothing. He says stuff like .. talking to you is like talking to a brick wall... and other things mostly related to my intellegence. I know that since we have had our son I have not been the sharpest knife in the drawer but I don't understand where this fustration is coming from. It seems to me that if I don't answer exactly the way he wants, I'm wrong. I have tried talking to him about this, and either he says that he is just joking (it doesn't seem like a joke to me) or it causes a one way fight (I won't scream back because that is not the way I resolve issues) which seem to fustrate him more.
I know that I'm just ranting now, but has anyone dealt in a situation like this, or does anyone have advice on how I can deal with this.
Thanks
Amanda


#2

You need to sit him down and say how his behaviour makes you feel.

Its a scientific fact that pregnancy causes some lowered function of the memory in women, and so a lot of women experience themselves suddenly much more confused
and forgetful than before. For some, the memory doesn't return to what it used to be for a long time after the birth, if ever.

Do not let him step on you. As his wife and mother of his child you have a right to be respected and loved.

Hugs!


#3

OK,one thing first, it is not Your fault. It is nobody's. When I was young and we got children,my wife did act different for a while. First I did try to make it her fault,then mine,and in then I think I try to make it our kids fault. Well,it was nobody's. It is very common. What You can do is to get Your husband more involved in the care of the children (and that gives You time alone what You most certainly need?) and that way he will not feel like an "outsider". It did do wonders with me. I became more a father when I really was on my own with a screaming kid. God bless.


#4

It’s hard to say what’s going on.

He may be frustrated…did you cook a meal of something that he hated that he’s asked you not to cook?

There are alot of things that can go on in a relationship and he may be frustrated as much as you are.

If you’re a good writer than I’d suggest writing a letter about your feelings. If he really wants/needs things from you (eg. You need to remember that he likes the way you iron his work shirts…that makes him feel loved) then you can make teh effort. It sounds much like a big deal of miscommunication. You need to find a way to both meet emotinal needs as well as care for an infant.


#5

maybe there are underlying issues that he doesn't want to address. he could be projecting anger toward you (for something he did or didn't do).

for example, if he's done something wrong at work that could get him in trouble. even though that has nothing to do with you.....he could have guilt that is buried and when ever a small incident that usually just tweaks his nerves, it gets blown out of proportion.

something to consider. i highly doubt it's anything that you've done. being a man, i know that's something i do to my wife every now and then. projecting anger unto her for other issues that have nothing to do with her. it ranged from sins i've committed and not told her about to just being stressed out.

just my two cents worth. i pray for you.


#6

Thank you for your comments.
As we are both in the military, I know some of his anger is work related, as he cannot freely speak at work he often comes home angry. It is just wearing me down emotionally.


#7

How long ago did you have your son? Starting a family is tremendously stressful, especially if your son is not sleeping through the night and you both are tired. I've also read that men get depressed and/or jealous of the new baby in the family. Regardless, you both are in the marriage together and need to provide an example for your son as he grows.

My wife and I had our son seven months ago and we've had more marital problems in the last five months than our entire ten years of marriage. Working, stress, worrying and the radical life changes all can be terribly stressful.

Time apart and a good night's rest will do wonders for both of you.

Respectfully,

/i


#8

[quote="army_girl, post:6, topic:228585"]
Thank you for your comments.
As we are both in the military, I know some of his anger is work related, as he cannot freely speak at work he often comes home angry. It is just wearing me down emotionally.

[/quote]

You need to see a counselor. Not because this is so serious that the two of you can't solve it, but because you need someone independent who can help coach your team to work together, and who can see what is happening to help you.


#9

[quote="army_girl, post:6, topic:228585"]
Thank you for your comments.
As we are both in the military, I know some of his anger is work related, as he cannot freely speak at work he often comes home angry. It is just wearing me down emotionally.

[/quote]

you are quite welcome & can see how it'll wear you down emotionally....especially after having a child.

[quote="kbachler, post:8, topic:228585"]
You need to see a counselor. Not because this is so serious that the two of you can't solve it, but because you need someone independent who can help coach your team to work together, and who can see what is happening to help you.

[/quote]

agreed. that should help tremendously. sometimes a professional can help a husband to better understand the situation.


#10

You need to see a counselor. Not because this is so serious that the two of you can't solve it, but because you need someone independent who can help coach your team to work together, and who can see what is happening to help you.

i think so too.


#11

Conflicts are usually not about what is on the surface. There is something deeper. I bet you can script the whole thing out. Do it. Write out what he says, what you say, how he responds and so on. The outcome is also predictable. Write it down.

Guess what? Both of you have trained yourselves to REACT without even thinking. You understand the power of training and repetition if you are military. All you have to do is change one of your responses and the outcome will be different. He will have to THINK and have to come up with a new response to you. Be creative.

Change something. Anything. One option is to get naked when he starts. I point this out because if it shocks you, it will shock him. (Now if you start laughing picturing him say the next thing in the script as you are stripping, you are on to something.) I want you to think outside the box rather than follow the same script. BE CREATIVE and come up with your own idea, or use this one. It is your life.

This will likely not solve the deeper problem, which is not yet revealed, but it will defuse the emotional whirlwind so that the two of you may be able to get to the source.


#12

Dear CSPB
I thnk you may be on to something, I did what you mentioned and scripted out what happens. I think I will try your tactic and see if it works.
Thanks again to everyone


#13

[quote="army_girl, post:6, topic:228585"]
Thank you for your comments.
As we are both in the military, I know some of his anger is work related, as he cannot freely speak at work he often comes home angry. It is just wearing me down emotionally.

[/quote]

Have you talked to a chaplain about this?


#14

No we have not spoken to a chaplain, our military padre’s are extremely busy with more important issues right now. That and I truely believe that he woud not go :frowning: I am going to try and have a sit down with him this weekend and see how it goes. Wish me luck!


#15

I'll be praying for you. Not everybody who has memory issues is stupid. I've experienced some of that kind of picking too and I'm a guy, no pregnancy for me.


#16

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