I am a 17-year-old homosexual male (senior in high school) and I am in the process of preparing for college life. One internal conflict I am having is wether or not I should have a roommate. I would really like a roommate as a way to make new friends, and my current friends think I should have a roommate as well (although, they do not know of my homosexuality). My roommate will most likely be heterosexual, so I do not see any wrong in sharing a room with another male where only some homework and sleeping will be done. I am still feeling a little unsure, however.
I would really appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance!
Unfortunately, a lot of times Homosexuality is brought out in college years in dorm rooms, if you feel unsure, don`t share a dorm, or find a roommate who you know you will never be attracted to sexually. If You share a dorm with someone who is not sexually appealing to you, chances are everything will be ok
It’s not a sin to have a room mate of the same gender. It can be an occasion for strong temptation for you though. Just keep that in mind. If you think you can live chaste with a male room mate, that’s great. But it’s no weakness on your part if you have to say no. College is a great time to make friends, and I am sure you’ll have no problems making friends through other means if you need to do that.
Just treat SSA the same as heterosexual attraction. Having either is not a sin in and of itself. You encounter sin based on what you do with it.
No sin, but likely temptation. I would not recommend it - just as I would not recommend that a teenage boy and girl share a room at college. It is much better to just not put yourself in a situation that could lead to sexual sin.
I’m a straight guy with a gay room mate. I didn’t know he was gay all of freshman year (we decided to room together at the end of freshman year for this year). He came out over the summer before we starting rooming together. Initially, I was unsure about the whole situation, but really only because I was shocked to find out that he was gay (he had done a good job of hiding it). We haven’t had any issues.
That being said, I know that it is a possibility that your room mates will not be as accepting. Be assured that most universities have policies in place and people you can talk to about your situation.
If you do end up rooming with someone, and you no longer feel comfortable doing so, you would most likely be allowed to move.
So, what I think it really comes down to is a personal decision on your part. Think about whether or not you think this will be a source of temptation for you (hopefully it will not be). This is up to you–you know yourself best, but I’d suggest talking to someone else about it to get your mind rolling.
It is unlikely that a heterosexual roommate engage in sex with a homosexual one, other than perhaps a moment of curious exploration; if he’s hetero, it won’t go beyond that. However that is in itself sinful, and even if you are attracted to the roommate but not involved with him, the fantasy could be detrimental to your own spiritual health and also to the relationship. I know I wouldn’t be too comfortable living with another male who continually is undressing me with his eyes, fantasizing about me, etc.
You might actually be better off having a girl as a roommate. You won’t be attracted to her; her parents may actually appreciate having a male living with her that is very unlikely to become sexually active with her, it would kind of be like living with her brother while away at college. A single young woman living alone can be seen as vulnerable. Having a male living with her will discourage nonsense from dates taking her home and trying to push their luck, lurkers who know there’s a young lady living alone in the building etc. She and her parents may actually feel safer with you as a roommate.
And on the flip side you may be less likely to have a sex partner in the apartment out of respect for your roommate.
I am a 21-year-old (celibate) homosexual male (junior in college) and am currently living in a college dorm.
Being someone with same-sex attractions living with a same sex roommate is NOT an intrinsic evil.
Ultimately, you need to determine what senerios are likely to lead you to sin. On the surface, it may appear to an average person, and may actually be the case, that living with a roommate would be a near occasion of sin. On the other hand, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, a prominent member of NARTH, said:
“Very often, however, homosexual clients report that when they begin to know another man intimately [Nicolosi means in a non-erotic, but fraternal way], their sexual interest in him diminishes. Is is always, they report, the distant person who is sexually attractive.” (Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, page 120)
I don’t know if you agree with NARTH or not, but a key question to ask yourself is, “do I eroticize men more or less when I get to know them well?” If the answer is LESS, than it might even be good to live with a roommate. If the answer is MORE, than it would probably be best you don’t have a rommate.
Personally, I have found that when I know a guy well he is not as attractive to me. Conversely, I find myself attracted to people I don’t know well.
Nicolosi has also said (I would recommend that you look into your own experience to see if/how this is relevant to you):
“Heterosexual, sexually attractive male friendships with men whom the client feels an erotic attraction offer the greatest opportunity for healing. Only through such associations can there be the transformation from erotic attraction to true friendship—that is, the demystifying of the distant male…The transformational shift from sexual to fraternal (i.e., eros to philia) is the essential healing experience of male homosexuality.”(Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, pages 199-200)
A word of caution…I live in a dorm at an orthodox Catholic college. I’m not sure what living in dorms in typical universities are like.
In the end, you have to be the judge who decides what is and what is not likely to lead you to sin.
I would respectfully disagree. Many (not all) homosexual males are homosexual in part because they have identified with the opposite sex (or never identified properly with their own sex) early in life. For these cases, more feminine influence could be bad, and proper masculine influence could do a lot of good.
ShaunH, I don’t know whether or not the above scenario is relevant to you (either bonding with females and/or not bonding with males). Ultimately, YOU will have to be the judge for decisions like these.
I’d be interested to know what your decision in this regard will be.
Unfortunately, you may have to live off-campus if you want to do that. Based on my experience and knowledge, very few schools permit opposite-sex roommates in on-campus housing unless they are married to each other.
IF you can find a gullible girl that has gullible parents.
“Sir, really, I’m gay so you don’t have to worry about me making sexual advances on your daughter”
That would be a tough sell, methinks.
Seriously, though, the OP is in a tough situation. Many colleges require that freshmen live in dorms, and many times there are no options beyond having a roomate; singles may not be available and may be $$$.
Living off campus alone would also be $$$.
Living with a female roomate would be VERY difficult to arrange, methinks.