Is it a sin to hate my life and look forward to death?

Would it be considered sinful for me to not like my life and look forward to and want death so I can be with God?
It might sound bad, but I suffer a lot and have few friends and family and not much meaning in the world. I’m a single 21 year old woman.
I’m not happy, have never found happiness in the world and doubt I will so this is why I want death so I can go to Jesus.
I don’t want to kill myself or anything I am just wanting to naturally die young.

Sinful or not?

Many saints expressed similar sentiments; that they look forward to death so they can be with Christ.

Just don’t let this cloud your judgement so that you fail to recognise God’s will for you here and now.

Have your considered a religious vocation? Do you know of St Therese of Lisieux? Perhaps you could read about her and better understand how suffering in this life can draw us closer to God.

Hi Gemma,

First off, I want to let you know I completely understand you. I often feel that the burdens I carry are immense-- I may even get frustrated, write my own lamentations! I never spurn the Lord nor criticize him, but I do complain to him. And many times I feel “I would so much be happier dead,” yet I have no desire nor have I ever to commit such a heinous crime as suicide. If you are like me, I trust that you don’t even support such notions fancifully.

However, it’s true that other days, I breathe the air and am exhilarated to be alive.

Gemma, like underacloud suggested- have you considered a different vocation? A religious one? It’s such a daunting thing- but maybe you could pick up a vocation magazine from your church or go to for example. When I read the stories of people like me, oh my gosh, I can’t tell you how uplifting it felt. I imagine that when I am able to put myself into these environments (I’m close to being done with my debts!) that I will feel much more at home than I ever have before.

Gemma, please look into this if you haven’t already-- it could easily be that God is calling you to it. We don’t often think about it in our daily lives: monks and nuns? These are people that I am not! But maybe we are, and that’s why people like you and me feel we have no place in secular society. Maybe it’s because our place is in religious society.

I’m not saying your place is to take up a religious vocation (and there are many types, not just nuns!), but maybe it is? I’m exploring it myself.

Try reading: The Interior Castle by Saint Teresa of Avila. It is so incredibly fresh, and makes so much sense to me. Make sure to be careful about your translation; I think there’s one by a Mirabelle Starr that substitutes secularisms in for a non-Christian audience. I have one instead translated by some Benedictines.

God bless you!:slight_smile:

Gemma, if I could fix your problems over an internet forum, then they would have been fixed already. But if you haven’t yet read the book of Tobit, you should do so. I believe it will be an encouragement to you. God bless you, and may God preserve you through your pain.

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, hail, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus, O merciful, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! Amen. :crossrc:

Lord, grant Gemma a patient heart, a steady heart, and a courageous heart. May she never be far from the knowledge that she was created with purpose for this world.


A dark spirit in you wishes you dead, It is not you, don’t listen to it.
it is feeling sorry for itself and you are identifying with it.
As long as you listen to it you will never find happiness, it doesn’t want that for you so. If you do, what it wants, you may not go to God.
Stop it.

I can give you some information from personal experience. The attitude you’re talking about poisons your soul. I went through a period that lasted years where I was mad every minute of the day. I would pray and ask God to call me home, get drunk every night, and hate every minute of my existance. What eventually happened is that the anger turned to anxiety. I’m not an expert, my personal experience would be to advise you to stay away from drugs and alcohol - it will only make it worse. Get counseling in some form, either talk to a minister or counselor or even a friend.
If you follow thae road your on to long you will have an anxiety problem, chemical abuse issues, and a damaged relationship with God.
Best wishes

Not necessarily, for St. Paul had a similar desire:*For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If it is to be life in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again. (Phil. 1:21-26)*Paul understood that God had work for him to do. Is there something or someone you feel God is keeping you hear to minister to? Also, there is a value in your suffering. Remember to offer it to God for your intentions or the salvation of souls. Even if your feelings do not correspond to the heavenly joy taking place. God bless you. Hang in there. :o

God Bless you, Gemma.

I’m sorry that you are suffering, and I hope that your suffering eases so that you can enjoy some of your time here on earth. Have you ever considered talking with someone about how you feel? Maybe you could find someone to serve as a spiritual adviser to you. You might be able to channel some of your feelings into creating art or music or creative writing. Maybe an outlet for those feelings would help take the edge off them.

At one time in my life I felt the same as you. Finally talking with a priest about those feelings was the turning point for me. Just take one day at a time. You never know how your life might change…and I hope that yours does change for the better soon.:hug3:

I can understand what you’re feeling Gemma. I don’t find the joys in this world a lot of people find (Only Heaven can give me that) and I also wish I may receive the grace of dying relatively young. But it is all up to Him, that we may only follow the road He has for us, even if that includes we’re becoming 100 years old. If we make it to heaven because of it, it is definately worth it.

hi Gemma,

I can relate to how you feel and I have asked myself the same question if it is sinful to have those thoughts. I am 40 years older than you are and have been living through a very dark period of my life. it is like living in a prison. I broke my ankle/leg in 3 places a little over 2 years ago and went through a huge financial loss 2 years before that. I am still trying to get my life back to the way it was before I suffered the traumatic injury and realize that my life will not be like it was before. i feel it is sinful to wish death upon ourselves just as it is sinful to commit suicide. i have suffered physically and mentally for many years of my life and it hasn’t been fun. but i feel we are all here for a purpose and that somehow our lives are affecting others around us in ways we may not know. i know how painful it is to wake up day after day after day and not have happiness and feeling so bad that others are so happy and why can’t i find that joy. i have had happy times in my life and hope somewhere around the corner there will be good things for me again. you have to have the energy to live and sometimes living with pain or depression or stress zaps so much of our energy.
be careful about how you talk to yourself or critique yourself. try to be nice to yourself and know that God loves you and He created you and you are special to him.

When I read the OP, I too thought of Tobit. In chapter 3, both Tobit and Sarah pray to God for death. Their prayers are heard, and God sets his beautiful plan into motion.

Suffering is not always a bad thing. The question is: what or who are you suffering for? You stated you feel like your life has no meaning and that you want to be with Jesus. Give yourself fully to the Beloved and allow Him to show you what He wants for your life, perhaps you’re suffering needlessly because you are following after the wrong things. Someone mentioned St. Therese, I would also suggest reading St. John of the Cross regarding the Dark Night of the Soul. I daily ask for the intercession of both.

There is also the prospect of psychological malaise. Have you sought out therapy or counseling? It may be a good idea to seek out a good Catholic-minded therapist. It’s important as well to find others who share in your faith and perhaps in your sorrow, to share and fellowship with, to build each other up. Remember we are never alone and God made us social creatures. I have gone through similar struggles and isolated myself, this always made things worse.

You will be in my prayers.

You are young and have the opportunity to explore what your true vocation in life is. What you are feeling now perhaps is temporary. Please pray for guidance and peace and that God puts the right people in your path to discover your calling and purpose in this life. Live your Catholic life to the fullest-confession, communion, mass, volunteering and prayer- as much as you can. Surround yourself with holy and uplifting people. If you become depressed, please see a doctor who can help you. Your concern is in my thoughts and prayers.

Your intention to be in heaven and near God is wonderful, but you will discover God has a plan for you here on earth.


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