Is it a sin to love other people more then your sister?


#1

I care about my sister and i would help her if she needed me. However we were never very close sisters. We are totally different. We care about totally different things, we like different music, foods, movies, how to spend our free time. We have different religious, political views. We even have fights or contradictions about our opinions. She believes that we should care only about our family and the rest of the people around us are unimportant.

Since we were small i had to be the mature one because i was 1 year older and she was allowed to do almost everything. She is very immature. When in high school i stopped her from joining some weird religious cult. In university i stopped a strange relationship with a boy because i discovered she always had bruisers on her neck and face and i was scared he is hurting her. She hated me however in one week the boy had another girl and told my sister that she was not worthy of him anyway. I was driving me insane was that my parents were not listening to me when i was telling them there is something wrong with her they were not listening to me but telling me that she is small.

Lately i realized I am bored when she calls me because i know she will complain about her life or her job or she will tell me she needs money. Sometimes i avoid seeing her or answering her phones. I realized i love more my husband, my friends, my colleagues then her and i feel very bad about this.


#2

Hi Cristy, First I think One needs to understand the Word "LOVE". Love is a Verb and not a Noun. One chosses to Love, it is not a feeling but more of a thought and then action.

That being said, your feelings for your sister are very understandable. Feeling bored or fedup with how your sister acts is a reasonable response to the position that has been thrust upon you.

We can not control our positive feelings or negative feelings for anyone. What we can control are our actions and only our actions.

Your spuose should be the number one in your life, second only to God. Yourself & your children come next. Everyone (I mean everyone) else comes after this, your sister included.

Now comes the part that is hard. We must choose to love. Our actions show our love. Christ told us to love our enemies. Christ told us it is easy to love the people we have positive feelings for. The hard part is to love the people we have negative feelings for. That is not to say that our feelings about that person have to change, (those are out of our control), But our actions towards those people have to be in line with Christ. We must choose to love them no matter what happens. This does not mean giving them money or allowing anyone to walk over top of you. It may be as simple as saying a prayer for them. Always talk to them with dignity for both of you. Most of all it means to forgive (another action). This is possibly the hardest thing to do but is neccessary to allow yourself to to love yourself as well as all others.

Peace!:thumbsup:


#3

The book "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck may help. In it he considers love. Wikipedia gives:

"His perspective on love (in The Road Less Traveled) is that love is not a feeling, it is an activity and an investment. He defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" (Peck, 1978/1992[2], p85). Love is primarily actions towards nurturing the spiritual growth of another.
Peck seeks to differentiate between love and cathexis. Cathexis is what explains attractions to the opposite sex, the instinct for cuddling pets and pinching babies' cheeks. However, cathexis is not love. All the same, true love cannot begin in isolation, a certain amount of cathexis is necessary to get sufficiently close to be able to truly love.
Once through the cathexis stage, the work of love begins. It is not a feeling. It consists of what you do for another person. As Peck says in The Road Less Traveled, "Love is as love does." It is about giving the other person what they need to grow. It is about truly knowing and understanding them."

I have a younger sister who was a - "replacement baby." My oldest brother was an "A" student, very likable guy, good at sports, etc. Attended a small college. He was killed at age 21 in an auto accident on his way to purchase an engagement ring.

My parents up to that point had had 4 boys. My mother was not in the best of health but decided to try one more time for a girl and had one.

Unfortunately, my mother passed about 8 years later. My sister got into various difficulties in high school. She took advantage of my father, was promiscuous, is a Wiccum, and even today really calls me only to deliver bad news. (Somehow in her mind delivering bad news is special and exciting.)

Years ago, I offered to work an extra job to pay for her to go to college. (By teaching part-time at the particular college.) She dropped out after a few weeks, but I had to fulfill my teaching contract (at no pay, basically.)

At this point I realized that I needed to make a choice. I could continue to expend a great deal of time on my younger sister (and also on a younger brother who also had numerous issues) OR I could "shake the dust off my feet" and move on to more productive times and happier times by helping others (who appreciate it) and helping myself.

It was a difficult decision, but it was the right one.

Matthew 10:14 14 “Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet.


#4

[quote="cristyd, post:1, topic:229162"]
I care about my sister and i would help her if she needed me. However we were never very close sisters. We are totally different. We care about totally different things, we like different music, foods, movies, how to spend our free time. We have different religious, political views. We even have fights or contradictions about our opinions. She believes that we should care only about our family and the rest of the people around us are unimportant.

[/quote]

I share much of your sentiment. I would also add that my own sister would not only say that we should care only about our family and no one else matters, but that we are obligated to take abuse from our families and grin and bear it. I remember watching an episode of "Brothers and Sisters" last night and Sally Field's character told a crying woman "if you want to be part of this family, you need to learn to GET OVER IT! Stop crying!" That's how my sister is...and my entire family of origin really.

That doesn't mean that I don't like my family of origin, or that I don't love my sister. But for reasons in order to keep my sanity and health, I have a distance. Distance does not mean no love, no respect, or no relationship. It just means putting yourself a bit away emotionally and/or physically in order to maintain some kind of stability.

I have also learned that we can't always pick what kinds of families we come from, but we can pick the kinds of families we want to create or be part of. Many of my previous friends thought it was strange that I didn't have a great relationship with my sister, but oftentimes I have found that many of those same people can be clueless about the realities of life, and what most people experience.


#5

i think in the end as long as you love her that really all what maters.


closed #6

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