I’m not suicidal. I’m actually terrified of dying. I know, and I’ve always known that I would never kill myself. But every once in a while I go through a period of time where I just can’t stop thinking about it. I know why it’s wrong and I get it, I’ve seen the devastating effects that suicide has had, I’ve seen the people it hurts, I’ve seen the scars it leaves. I get it. But for some reason, sometimes it just kind of helps to think about it. Not plan to do it, just think about it. It’s not really a desire to die as much as a desire to just stop. Like it’s less out of depression and more just sheer exhaustion, you know what I mean? Anyways, I need to know if I have to confess this.
I know what you mean. But no, you don’t have to confess it unless the thought of you killing yourself makes you happy to think of the pain it would cause. I mean it can sometimes be a bit that way with some. But the thought of just wanting to get off this ride because you’re tired? No, that’s not a sin. That’s just a thing that sometimes happens when you’re exhausted. Don’t worry about that.
If it’s a sin really depends on* what *thoughts one thinks about suicide. A friend of mine committed suicide years ago and I still think about what happened sometimes. If thought of committing suicide just keep popping into your head sometimes, do you entertain them or try to dismiss them?
A priest in the Confessional might have some advice on how to deal with unwanted thoughts. He might be able to refer you to someone who might be of help. If you are just tired and want life to be all over, then it does seem like there’s an attitude or thought pattern that could use some gentle correction. Confession is one of the Sacraments of Healing, so perhaps you would find some comfort and healing there.
As I’m writing this post, the thought popped into my head that reminded me very good priest I know recommended the book “Thoughts Matter” by Mary Margaret Funk. Maybe you might find it interesting or helpful.
Prayers for you! :gopray:
I would mention what you told us in Confession. Father could give you some good advice and maybe refer you to someone else/book/something.
I think this is a troubling situation for you and a red flag from what you’ve told us. When I was a councilor, if you had mentioned this to me, you wouldn’t have left my office without an escort and an appointment with a physician.
I understand, from what you’ve told us, that you currently intend no harm to yourself; however, what is troubling to me is that you are finding comfort, “But for some reason, sometimes it just kind of helps to think about it” in the thoughts and then worried that it is sinful, which may be the Holy Spirit moving you to recognize that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
Thoughts of suicide, even if unintended or otherwise rationalized, can be the result of depression (all too often undiagnosed), medication, physical illness, or other factors. This is something that should be discussed with your Doctor!
There is no sin involved. Please follow the advise from z_0101. Praying for you.
It does not sound as though you have done anything of grave matter and perhaps nothing sinful at all. It can be very hard to realize what’s sinful and what’s not if you’re exhausted enough and your’re clearly not planning to commit suicide or fantasizing about it for the mere pleasure. You should try instead though, to think of God and Heaven when you feel a need to be comforted. Perhaps you should confess it just in case.