As some know here, my husband and I are separated. I don’t think there will be a reconciliation, although I put that in God’s hands because I no’longer feel any ability to control the outcome.
Our marriage was always very troubled. From the beginning he was not open to children and I had to be on some form of birth control. Eventually I think that fear of children led to his no longer wanting to have relations. As a result we had over 25 years of a sexless marriage – when I say sexless I mean there was no intimacy of any kind. How does a woman cope when a husband doesnt’ want her in that way? I didn’t know what to do and he was happy that way. I was only nineteen when I married. How was I to know that you were supposed to talk about these things pre-cana? I just assumed it would all be normal if we loved one another.
I did finally try to speak up about these and other problems but my husband didn’t want to discuss or go to counselling. This went on for five years. Finally, in my fifities something broke in me mentally and I began suffering from severe depression and anxiety. There were other issues, including a history of verbal and occasional physical abuse. It just became too much to bear. And to give my husband his due, he did not want to live me with me in that state.I think in some ways he is happier that I’m gone.
So we’re separated and not even talking. This has been going on for a year. I live feeling tremendous guilt for leaving. He is no longer a well man. But I felt dead inside.
My question is whether it’s a sin for a spouse to live a sexless marraige when they know it is hurting the other spouse and has led to childlessness. My whole life seems ruined because of this. And his is too because he will be alone just as I will in the end.
DId I sin too for not seeking the proper help when we were young?.