Is it abnormal to consider my new country home?


#1

I have moved to Bratislava from my birth country for my husband and love of my life and i live here already for almost 3 years. Recently i went in vacation with him and at return i put on my messenger the status “Home”. I have received an avalanche of messages “A, you are at your parents, when are we meeting.” “You are back in town, why didn’t you tell anything.” They all felt very offended when i told them I am in Bratislava and that this is home for me. They told me my family is there. I told them it’s not true. My family is here, my husband is here. Here i am living, working, here i will have children, they will grow up. Here i want to die and be buried when i am old. Then why is it such a big offense to call this home. It is written in the Bible that you should leave your mother and father, go with your wife or husband and become one flesh. I don’t live with my parents anymore. I visit them at holiday and they visit me at least 1-2 times per year. But i live with my husband and here is my life, my home. And you know the expression: “Home is where your heart is.”


#2

I think it’s totally normal to consider your new country your home.

I’m a military wife and I was in the military for 6 years before I got married. Home for me has always been where I was stationed and where I lived at the time. My family lives in a state that I haven’t lived in since I was 17 (I spent my senior year abroad).

What you’re feeling is totally normal!


#3

I think you are very normal and mentally healthy and stable to call where you have set your roots down as home.

Maybe the ones back at your "old home" are having a hard time accepting that you have started a new life for yourself, and that you are really gone. But that is their problem, not yours. You are doing the right thing, and don't let their not acceptance of it, make you think you are doing anything wrong.

Your husband is a lucky man to have a wife who was willing to go with him, make the changes, and embrace what was his as yours too. You are keeping your marriage strong, and will have a happier life than would have if you would have sat around wishing you were "back home.

May God bless your new life in your new home!"


#4

You are correct. Your "home" is where your husband and you currently live, wherever that may be!

What is Bratslavia like? Are there many Catholics there?


#5

A/ Same here, feeling at home in my new country and not looking forward to go back in my birth country.

B/ The way you are communicating with people can lead to misunderstandings. I personally avoid (a)social networking. We need real relationships with real people.


#6

Oh yeah, almost the whole country is Catholic. You are a minority if you are of other religion.


#7

[quote="cristyd, post:6, topic:217610"]
Oh yeah, almost the whole country is Catholic. You are a minority if you are of other religion.

[/quote]

I need to move there!!!!!! :thumbsup::D

Seriously though - you are starting your own life and un-hooking from your family. Expect some of them not to enjoy this phase, but you must do what you need to do.

Good for you for being able to love your family, yet sever the umbilical cord.


#8

As an immigrant myself, I consider two places to be home. I have to admit being in Canada for over 3 years now there are still some aspects where I fail to feel that I am home, but mostly I realize this is home. My wife and I now own our own property here, and our son was born here. Though there are many things from home that we miss, we know this is where we are now and where we live now. This is home.

On the other hand, I went back to the Philippines to visit last year. It was a peculiar feeling. I slept in the same room in my parents house, as soon as I entered the room I felt like I just got back from a long vacation rather than visiting. I lived in that specific house for over 20 years, why should it feel any different? Its confusing emotionally, but I know where home is for me. I know that Canada has given me better economic opportunities and I can’t imagine me owning my own house if I still lived in the Philippines. So I know Canada is as much a home as my parent’s house back in the Philippines. In fact, two years ago they wanted to sell the house because it has enough rooms for me and my sisters, but none of us live there anymore and my parents wanted a smaller house. I objected so much to it and I convinced them to keep the house. The location is also good so its note purely for selfish sentimental reasons.

So is it abnormal to call your new home as home? No. In fact, the sooner you call the place where you are and you plan on staying as “home”, the better you will adjust.


#9

[quote="cristyd, post:1, topic:217610"]
They all felt very offended when i told them I am in Bratislava and that this is home for me. They told me my family is there. I told them it's not true.

[/quote]

I think they are having trouble letting go. They are worried that they are "losing" you. Perhaps they are hurt by the thought that you might not be returning to live in your country of birth, and that in the future they will spend less time with you than they had hoped.

These feelings are natural, and your family will need to work through them. It will take some time, but they will adapt to loving you from a distance. Thank goodness modern communication makes it so easy to stay in close touch.


#10

The whole world is your home. That is what god intended. Go where ever makes you happy.
The way the world is set up makes it feel like anything outside of your house, or state, or country is not your home, but this isn’t true. If you take down the boarders, everywhere is your home. One big place, isn’t it?

Example: (incase you don’t get it)
Think of it like this: if you were to talk to aliens, and they asked where your home was, you’d say it was on earth. But you didn’t necessarily give a certain continent or country… because the world is your home.


#11

It’s not my family who asked me these questions, it’s old friends, collegues from school, work etc. I’m not sure about the fear of loosing me. Some of them don’t speak to me for months, some of them didn’t care about me even when i worked, studied with them. I think their offence are more of a patriotic nature.


#12

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