Is it hard to be in a romantic relationship and still practice abstinence?


Is it really hard for a practicing Catholic to be in a romantic relationship and practice abstinence?


I’m catholic and I’ve never been a romantic relationship so I can’t tell you. :frowning:


It’s hard, but not impossible. Just like Jesus dying for our sins was hard, but not impossible:)


I totally agree with kresbrook. When my husband and I were engaged, we were engaged for quite a while (almost 3 years so that I could finish undergrad school) it was difficult, but I always thought of many bad consequences that arise from premarital relationships.

My parents brought me up in a catholic home and were always very explicit about premarital raltionships.

Some things that I remember them telling me were some things such as:

“Don’t have premarital relationships because, the chances of that relationship failing are about 8 out of 10…”

Of course, it was like they were telling me, “Don’t swim in that water because the chances of sharks eating you are 8 out of 10…” Obviously, I am not stupid enough to jump in when I know what can happen.


I think it depends. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. During this pregnancy (since we’ve been pregnant practically our whole marriage), there have been what I would consider “long” periods of time of abstinence for us as newlyweds, and we’ve been able to celebrate Valentine’s Day, mini-anniversaries, birthdays, and just random romantic dates and other things without that tension of wanting to consumate. But each time is different, so it’s not a definite “yes” or “no” when it comes to answering this question.


I don’t think its hard at all, if you’re with the right person.

To me, romance and sex are completely different.

Me and my boyfriend practice abstinence. I cook breakfast for him regularly(yeah we live together, but not like we’re married and we live with 2 other people) and we watch movies, read in each other’s presence, will randomly grab each other and dance around the place being silly, etc. Since we’ve been practicing abstinence our relationship and emotional closeness has grown tremendously.


I should have posted in the poll that I was thinking of single people, not married but thank you for your insights:)


Me and my girlfriend of 9 months have no time having a very romantic relationship while practicing abstinence, heck, we don’t even kiss. Just because you don’t have sex doesn’t keep you from doing romantic things like writing love letters, poetry, giving thoughtful gifts, flowers, etc.


yes, yes, oh, and yes. I’ve been engaged for almost a year now(about 3 months left). I had no idea how hard it would be to wait. Of course, if I had my way, we would have been married months ago. It’s not impossible, but it’s been extremely hard, sometimes it’s even hard just to be around my fiance. Sorry if this isn’t what I’m supposed to be saying, but it’s me being honest.



It is SOOOOOOOO much easier to be in a romantic relationship with someone and not have sex. (we’re talking about before marriage).

Sex isn’t love if it’s outside of marriage; it’s sin.

So anyone who think they are doing something romantic while having sex before marriage is actually just comitting a mortal sin, and leading the other person to do the same…nothing romantic about that.

Plus, so so often, sex before marriage messes up people’s feelings for each other:

“Does he really like me, or is it just the sex?”

You can do so many many sweet, truely romantic things, for each other before marriage. Sex just muddys everything up.


Whoops! :slight_smile:


It can be hard but it’s way easier when you have the relationship with someone who also believes in premarital abstinence. But I believe it’s worth it and is better than jumping from friendship or some non-exclusive semi-relationships right into marriage. You just need to know who you have it with.


Never apologise for being honest sing


if you were taught like I was about sex, you’d never even be tempted to have it! I’m going to be a spinster my whole entire life! I’ve never been romantically involved with anyone since kindergarden and I never plan to be either.

Sex, marriage, drugs and alcohol are all illegal in my little world!


I hear you, djamu. Maybe I didn’t have that much of such teaching, but surely there was a lot in it that’s still giving me occasional trouble. One can get over it, though.


What the heck were you taught? :confused:


Every year I took a class on drug and sex education - not mention the dudes that came in our school to show us the horrors of drugs and sex. Not to mention me working in a drug booth at the fair. And witnessing a dude die from a drug overdose. But I think the most powerful source was my 4th grade teacher - to her drugs, alcohol and sex were in a nice 2way…satanic, she scared the socks off of me! :eek: :eek: :eek: Not to mention my archnemises were drug and sex addicts and I never want to be like them. And I’ve done numerous reports in both areas. And as my doctors said, my “sexual sensitivity” is like that of a 5 year old. I can tell, whenever people kiss in movies I’m like ewwwwwwww…


I can’t believe that the leading answer to this poll is ‘Yes’ !!!

It’s not “really hard” to be in a romantic relationship and not have sex!!

I was dating my husband for 3.5 years before we got married last summer, and we didn’t have sex at all.

If you love God, and don’t want to offend Him, then it’s not hard at all!

It’s an absolute joy to know that you are doing the right thing and that your marriage will be better for it!


nah! it’s not hard. :wink:


Well, we can’t all be as pure as IlovemyChurch here. :rolleyes:

Even the Saints were tempted. St Jerome found it extremely difficult to deal with his desires.

Myself, I found it so difficult that I failed. And it’s one of my greatest regrets. :frowning:

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