Is it harder for Catholic women to find a mate than for Catholic men?


#1

It seems to me that it is harder for Catholic women to find a mate than for Catholic men. When I go to Catholic events, it's mostly women there, and I get to know at least one single Catholic woman, whether I intend to or not. Not to toot my own horn, but it's usually the woman who chats me up. I can think of a few reasons why it would harder for Catholic women, but I'll keep them to myself for the time being for the sake of objectivity.

Is this what you have observed? If so, why do you think that is?


#2

It’s mostly a numbers game. If there are more women than men, the men have their pick of women (usually they pick the hot ones), and the remaining women have to date outside of the Catholic faith or die spinsters. I’ve never been to any Catholic event where there are more men than women (except a seminary). And the only way I get ANY attention is because of my chest. :stuck_out_tongue: It’s fight or die out at any young adult event. Any Catholic woman between 21-35 is my competition to the rare Catholic man and the alter. Sad but true. :frowning:


#3

*Not sure if a married person’s opinon matters any:o…but for whatever it’s worth:

I met my husband when I was in college, and married close to 23. He is nearly 11 yrs my senior, it was one of those fateful nights. lol We met by chance at a going away party for an old boyfriend of mine, that he happened to be friends with…and hit it off. I wouldn’t say that men have it easier in finding a mate…many of my Catholic female friends are married to great Catholic men. (I don’t have many Catholic friends, but many OF them are married)

I don’t believe in trying hard to “find” someone. I believe in fate (meeting people naturally), God’s will…and just living your life. Obviously, the right person isn’t going to be plopped into your lap if you never leave your house, so keep active…be involved in community…be socialable at your parish…I don’t believe in exclusively going to Catholic sponsored events to meet Catholics, because it might create pressure that a normal everyday situation wouldn’t create. (like how I met my husband…completely by chance)

CountrySinger…you are only 28…lol…the right man will come along who is Catholic. Keep praying for God’s will…and the path to be illuminated for him to find you! :)*


#4

In all the Churches I’ve attended, the majority of the people in the pews were middle aged or elderly women, then middle aged or elderly men, then young children, then young women, and maybe, a young man or two.

Frankly in all the masses I attended, only once do I remember a young attractive man in the pews.


#5

I’m thinking now to the masses I’ve attended in my life…you are right. I don’t recall seeing very many single females or males, in the pews. I don’t know if they were single thinking back, but don’t think they were married. Mainly families, or widow/widowers. Interesting, I wonder why that is? :confused:


#6

I think it is because when people are younger, they tend to leave the faith (I know I did). And only when they get engaged, and they want to get married in the church with the big ceremony, they want to come back. It’s bad, because what if these people never get married, would they ever come back? Or the singles who leave and stay gone?


#7

*That is a great point…and one that has validity I think. I remember seeing engaged couples all over the place at masses, but very very few single people. I belonged to a parish up in PA that was about 500 members total…maybe? So, if you followed the same mass schedule weekly, you’d see the same people. Interestingly, I used to go to weekly mass …like 1 or 2x per week at times, and I’d see a lot of single young guys…like college age through 40-ish? I think they were single, I should have taken a poll. :hmmm:

lol :smiley:

Very interesting insight, CS. I wish I knew the remedy…because one would think that meeting people at/after mass would be the best way to find a practicing Catholic! :o

At the parish we belonged to up north, I remember seeing in the bulletin a singles group that was starting to grow…and the age group always struck me as way off…“18 through 45.” I think that is too wide of a disparity…*


#8

It is some how true,because catholic women rather find men coming from different
rather than the catholic church and I don’t know why?

why is it so,could somebody explain this?


#9

In my hometown, people engaged couples would blow in, get married, then disappear until the first child was born. It was interesting to watch. When you saw a young married couple, you KNEW the woman was pregnant. :smiley: I was so happy when the church cracked down and said in order to baptize a child, the parents had to be active participants in the parish (go to mass). If it was an emergency, then of course the child would be baptized. But people just wanted the big party, attention during mass, and presents, etc. So many people complained. It makes sense though, you can’t be living the faith if you don’t want to go to mass.
I go to mass, and I don’t expect anything. Maybe I should… “Hey Father, do I get cookies?”


#10

*We get more than we’ll ever need, the Eucharist. :slight_smile:
The thing though is this…in many homilies I have heard over the years…not many, maybe one or two…devoted to speaking about and to singles. If more and more singles are not meeting Catholic mates…then they will be part of the future of the Church…so, to me, there should be more attention paid to helping them find compatible spouses…or at least cater to more of their needs. I dunno…:shrug: Forgive my ramblings. *


#11

Also, its lonely going to a mass as a single. I would go as a single to a typical suburban church and would occasionally feel out of place among all the families and elderly people. It’s true that there aren’t many young single men or woman in your suburban parish church. I remember once when I was new to the DC suburbs and had only been to morning mass for a few weeks, a 20 something woman actually pulled her car over in the parking lot to talk to me as I was exiting mass. She actually recognized that I was a new member of that parish. That’s how rare young single men were there.

I did find that the urban churches in the area have much more young singles. It’s easier to band together there since many young adults want to live in the more vibrant urban neighborhoods anyways. Not many post-college young adults live out in the 'burbs.

I think its tough for Catholic men or women to find good faith filled Catholic spouses. The dating pool is pretty shallow unfortunately.


#12

A MARRIED PERSON GETS IT! :extrahappy: THANK YOU! dances, then realizes that she is at work Oops. Oh well, my employees think I’m weird anyway. :blush: If you build it, they will come. If you ignore us, we will leave. :slight_smile: We know when we aren’t wanted.
not that I would leave, my mom would strike me down from Heaven


#13

[quote="novaslasher, post:11, topic:181332"]
Also, its lonely going to a mass as a single. I would go as a single to a typical suburban church and would occasionally feel out of place among all the families and elderly people. It's true that there aren't many young single men or woman in your suburban parish church. I remember once when I was new to the DC suburbs and had only been to morning mass for a few weeks, a 20 something woman actually pulled her car over in the parking lot to talk to me as I was exiting mass. She actually recognized that I was a new member of that parish. That's how rare young single men were there.

I did find that the urban churches in the area have much more young singles. It's easier to band together there since many young adults want to live in the more vibrant urban neighborhoods anyways. Not many post-college young adults live out in the 'burbs.

I think its tough for Catholic men or women to find good faith filled Catholic spouses. The dating pool is pretty shallow unfortunately.

[/quote]

Why though, do you think?:( It concerns me for my kids' sakes.


#14

*I admit to becoming more sensitive to all of this, from the singles I have come to know on CAF. :o It has helped me tune in more at my parish…and I think there needs to be more sensitivity to the issue.

I wonder why there isn’t…but, there are singles groups, I wonder if some Diocese think that is ‘‘enough.’’ *


#15

[quote="bbns2, post:8, topic:181332"]
It is some how true,because catholic women rather find men coming from different
rather than the catholic church and I don't know why?

why is it so,could somebody explain this?

[/quote]

It was Eve, not Adam, that accepted the offer of temptation. The tempter behind both actions is one and the same.


#16

[quote="whatevergirl, post:14, topic:181332"]
*I admit to becoming more sensitive to all of this, from the singles I have come to know on CAF. :o It has helped me tune in more at my parish...and I think there needs to be more sensitivity to the issue.

I wonder why there isn't....but, there are singles groups, I wonder if some Diocese think that is ''enough.'' *

[/quote]

Most singles groups are lame (sorry). I think that the Church needs to put more focus on it. We are the future of the Church. We will probably stick around if we are here now, while it is neglecting us.

When I worked with the youth group, most of the kids were aware of this. They asked me why I was there, since I didn't "fit in". It should worry all parents. Your kids will grow up, and where will they be? This isn't just a singles issue. All you can do is make sure that the kids are strong in their faith.


#17

Most definitely. Most women in society would probably reject me because of my Catholic views.

I attend a tech school where, when I first entered, the ratio of guys to girls was 9:1 (although today I think it’s down to 4:1 or 3:1 if I had to guess). But there are always fewer girls than normal, and fewer Catholic girls, and even fewer practicing Catholic girls. I can probably count the practicing Catholic girls on two, maybe three hands. And many are either dating, not interested in me, or I am not attracted to them. So that creates problems.

I often attend a church in the business district of Chicago that has a large number of visitors but very few of them are my age (22/college aged/recently graduated/etc.)…although it’s in a business/banking district so understandably most of the visitors are from local businesses, banks, and the trading houses.

Anyway, I typically don’t see a lot of young Catholics where I go. I am hoping to change this by visiting the young adults group at various local parishes that I heard are quite active so maybe things will change. But personally I don’t see a lot of young people where I go. And if I do it’s usually people with their significant others.


#18

The hard facts are that many Catholics are selfish and simply don't want to obey the commandments and go to Church. Young adults are especially prone to sexual sins and ignorance. This keeps them away out of guilt. It's also easy to write off Church as unnecessary if you don't believe or understand in the sacrifice of the mass and efficacy of the sacraments. Without understanding the importance of the sacraments or the effects of sin, its easier to just sleep in and think that the only thing Church offers is a dull sermon, bad singing, and appeasement for parents who might be inquiring from time to time.

Those young adults who are well formed (which I believe is the minority), tend to shy away from suburban churches because they rarely offer fellowship for us. Some might say this is selfish (i.e. we go to Church to render worship to God and partake in his sacraments, not for a social hour), but it is an important component of the whole parish experience. YA's find it easier to go to urban church's that offer the sacraments AND fellowship opportunities. It's also nice for the pastor to understand that this is a real need. Unfortunately, not every Catholic has access to these kinds of parishes.


#19

[quote="whatevergirl, post:10, topic:181332"]
*We get more than we'll ever need, the Eucharist. :)
The thing though is this...in many homilies I have heard over the years...not many, maybe one or two...devoted to speaking about and to singles. If more and more singles are not meeting Catholic mates...then they will be part of the future of the Church...so, to me, there should be more attention paid to helping them find compatible spouses...or at least cater to more of their needs. I dunno...:shrug: Forgive my ramblings. *

[/quote]

More parishes need singles groups (or could partner with other parishes to form singles groups). Since it seems many of us are having trouble finding spouses I think it would be imperative for parishes to act.


#20

Never really paid attention to it until now. wow…it is true, the girl to boy ratio. Don’t have an answer to your question :frowning:


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