Is it my fault?


#1

My friend, were both 19, was pregnant. She was going to abort but I spent hours with her evven saying I would adopt it, and that would have been extremely hard, well anyways I let her move into my apartment ( I am on my own due to some serious family issues and pay my bills. She said she was giving it up for adoption after a long talk because I was suppose to be aborted myself but I am here and how much it ment to me and how wrong it is. Well I gave her 100 dollars because she was stressing about a co pay to go to the doctor to get an ultrasond and then to use it on pre natal vitamins and bigger clothes, she never lied to me before. Well today she calls and tells me she went and had an abortion. I was livid and hurt and that she used that 100 dollars to help pay for it and I was even more upset and yelled at her becasue I am so pro life and stressed to her I will have nothing to do with that devision. Am I fault? Am I to blame since she used my money I had given her to take care of herself during pregnancy so she may have a healthy baby… I had no idea! She never lied and I trusteed her. Now she is crying and begging me to be her friend and shes sorry but she knows because I have stressed over and over I will have nothing to do with it…What do I do>>> I feel like its all my fault? Do I still try to be her friend or comfort her!


#2

No, it's not your fault. She lied and stole money from you; she used you, and you are under no obligation to still be her friend or to have anything to do with her.


#3

[quote="livelifefree22, post:1, topic:243233"]
My friend, were both 19, was pregnant. She was going to abort but I spent hours with her evven saying I would adopt it, and that would have been extremely hard, well anyways I let her move into my apartment ( I am on my own due to some serious family issues and pay my bills. She said she was giving it up for adoption after a long talk because I was suppose to be aborted myself but I am here and how much it ment to me and how wrong it is. Well I gave her 100 dollars because she was stressing about a co pay to go to the doctor to get an ultrasond and then to use it on pre natal vitamins and bigger clothes, she never lied to me before. Well today she calls and tells me she went and had an abortion. I was livid and hurt and that she used that 100 dollars to help pay for it and I was even more upset and yelled at her becasue I am so pro life and stressed to her I will have nothing to do with that devision. Am I fault? Am I to blame since she used my money I had given her to take care of herself during pregnancy so she may have a healthy baby... I had no idea! She never lied and I trusteed her. Now she is crying and begging me to be her friend and shes sorry but she knows because I have stressed over and over I will have nothing to do with it...What do I do>>> I feel like its all my fault? Do I still try to be her friend or comfort her!

[/quote]

It is NOT your fault, she lied to you and stole the money and really, it's all the worse because she KNEW that you were pro-life and she did it anyway. I am sorry, but I would toss her stuff out the door and change the locks, and block her on FB and phone. I would not trust anyone who would murder their child with money I gave them to see a doctor.

Pray for her baby. And for her, because eventually she will realize what she has done. Give her the number of Rachel's Vineyard.


#4

Awww, I'm sorry this happened. This doesn't sound like your fault at all. Sounds like you you where trying to set a good example in a difficult situation. This person was fed into the lie and did the same...


#5

No it is absolutely not you fault but I also wouldn't completely cut her out of your life. She will suffer the consequences of her actions and she will need help to get through it. I would direct her to Rachel's Vineyard for post abortion counseling.rachelsvineyard.org/ She murdered her child and somewhere maybe still buried but somewhere inside she knows this. She gave into fear and made a horrible choice that will have life long consequences.


#6

None of this is your responsibility.

In Christian charity obeying the command of Christ you sought to help, and advise. Your advice was spurned.

you are NOT responsible.


#7

It isn't your fault, but consider that she may not have intended to deceive you at the time she accepted the money. She was probably feeling a lot of pressure from many directions, and for some reason this is what won out.


#8

It was not your intention so no it is not your fault, I would look for better friends though personally.


#9

Forgive her for what she did of course but let her know that this damaged your friendship severely . Let her know that what she did as a friend was unacceptable , but what she did as a human being is even more unacceptable because she payed a person to kill her baby. Tell her she owes you 100 dollars because she had no right lying about how she would spent that money and she spent it on something you do not approve of .


#10

[quote="livelifefree22, post:1, topic:243233"]
My friend, were both 19, was pregnant. She was going to abort but I spent hours with her evven saying I would adopt it, and that would have been extremely hard, well anyways I let her move into my apartment ( I am on my own due to some serious family issues and pay my bills. She said she was giving it up for adoption after a long talk because I was suppose to be aborted myself but I am here and how much it ment to me and how wrong it is. Well I gave her 100 dollars because she was stressing about a co pay to go to the doctor to get an ultrasond and then to use it on pre natal vitamins and bigger clothes, she never lied to me before. Well today she calls and tells me she went and had an abortion. I was livid and hurt and that she used that 100 dollars to help pay for it and I was even more upset and yelled at her becasue I am so pro life and stressed to her I will have nothing to do with that devision. Am I fault? Am I to blame since she used my money I had given her to take care of herself during pregnancy so she may have a healthy baby... I had no idea! She never lied and I trusteed her. Now she is crying and begging me to be her friend and shes sorry but she knows because I have stressed over and over I will have nothing to do with it...What do I do>>> I feel like its all my fault? Do I still try to be her friend or comfort her!

[/quote]

Broken relationships are but one of the many unforeseen consequences of abortion. In your case, its compounded by the fact you offered to adopt the baby yourself.

In many cases, the deceased child's parents will end up splitting up, because of the unforeseen emotional trauma of the abortion. You are obviously not a "couple", but indeed kind of a parent to that child. As such, you do have some responsibility to the mother.

Your not obligated to stay friends with the mother in the long term, but you did get yourself involved, so you do have to let her down gently. Explain that you are really hurt, and don't feel that you can stay close to her. Possibly even apologize for screaming at her, though it was a perfectly understandable reaction to her action.

Give her time to move out gracefully, if her moving out is necessary, but offer a shoulder cry on while she's still there. However, also take care of yourself and give yourself distance when needed. Make sure she's getting any follow up care while she's under your roof, and refer her to project Rachel or other counseling if she's listening.

And don't be petty and demand she pay that money back - the money is tainted, and you were in no way responsible for her actions.

Abortions are traumatic, and almost certainly an act of desperation. Try not to compound the injury, and help her heal as best you can - Christ calls us to love both our neighbor, and our enemy. Pray for peace and healing, and of course, life.


#11

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