[quote="Roger1, post:8, topic:194969"]
I have read enough and been taught about the Christopher West books enough to have a good grasp to understand that the Marital Embrace is a sacred gift from God. Unfortunately my wife has more of a feminist and secular view of sex and has pretty much used it a way to have children and as a weapon in our marriage.
From this post and others that you have posted in this thread, it does not sound to me like you and your wife are like the admirable saints of old who embraced celibacy as a way to become more holy. So I would humbly suggest that you stop kidding yourself and stop entertaining any delusions or listening to others who are trying to tell you that your lack of sexual intercourse is a good and holy thing. It is NOT a good thing at all. It is devilish.
It sounds to me like there is a pathological situation in your marriage. Whether it is physical or emotional is impossible for me to say. It could be a bit of both. Many women have a physical cause for low sex drive. This needs to be checked out and if present, corrected, by a medical doctor.
But from what you way, your strong-minded wife would probably refuse to consult with a physician about her low libido. Right now, your wife has everything her way and she sounds pretty happy about it. You are enabling her to continue to say "no" when the Bible makes it clear that she is no longer the sole owner of her own body. Asking for celibacy for yourself is wrong because it will enable your wife to live a self-centered life and continue practicing the sin of denying her husband the marriage bed.
Here's my suggestion--separate from her. I believe that the Church allows this. Perhaps the physical separation from you will jolt your wife out of her complacent selfishness and make it crystal clear that the current situation is NOT acceptable and that you will NOT allow this to become the norm for your marriage for the rest of your lives.
When one spouse denies sex to the other spouse, this is a twisted marriage. The Lord intended for marriage, including the act of love, to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His spouse, the Church. By deliberately avoiding sex without a mutual calling from the Lord to do so, you and your wife are distorting this picture and giving the world an incomplete and therefore false picture of the mutual pleasure and love shared between Christ and His Church.
Please consider my suggestion to separate--this is drastic enough to wake up your wife and force her to consult a physician first, and then a counselor if everything is fine physically, and finally, a priest or teacher who can inform her of Church teaching regarding marriage and sex. Just as a man does not have the right to twist Church teaching to include homosexual pleasure, a married woman does not have the right to twist Church teaching to fit her personal desires. She must submit to her husband, unless, as I have stated several times, the Lord truly has called BOTH spouses to a life of celibate prayer. But honestly now, it doesn't sound like this is the case in your marriage. Honestly.
Due to the pressures of this life, the exhausting work of raising children and teenagers, the demands of working inside and outside the home, the constant barrage of activities in the church and community, the stress of dealing with other people, the worries about money and politics, etc. etc, women can easily get into a habit of saying no, and then it becomes very difficult for them to become aroused and enjoy sexual intercourse.
For a woman, sex is not a release from stress like it is for a man. For a woman, sex can be just one more thing on the never-ending list of things to do today. Women aren't like men--most women can forget about sex for days, weeks, months, years. A man can't even imagine this, as most men think about sex almost constantly. It's the way God made men, so it's not wrong. But it's definitely different than the way God made women.
If a woman is married, she has no right to forget all about sex, unless God truly calls BOTH spouses to a celibate marriage.
So a woman needs to break the habit of saying No, just like smokers need to break the habit of smoking. It IS a habit, a bad habit. A woman says no because she's tired. Then the next night, she says no because she is bloated. Then the next night, she says no because she had a bad day at work. And on it goes, and before she knows it, it's been months, even years, since she said yes. And at that point, the habit of saying No is so ingrained into her that it is very difficult for her to see herself as a sexual being, having intercourse even with her husband. She sees herself as a non-sexual being.
This habit needs to be broken. It's not the way a marriage should be.
She will probably need guidance and training from a counselor as she breaks the habit of saying no and relearns how to become aroused and how to give herself to the man that she loves and is married to.
A good husband will work with his wife and do anything to help her break this habit. He will not sit back and pretend that this is a "spiritual" thing in their marriage. It's just the opposite--as I said, it's devilish. A man who is not enjoying sex with his wife on a regular basis (and that could be only once a month or so, but at least it's regular), is at prime risk for having an affair and destroying his marriage and the life of his mistress, as well as his own life and soul. The Bible makes it very clear that spouses should cling to each other to avoid temptation. When a marriage breaks up, the picture of Christ and His Church is utterly broken and the world has more reasons to reject the Gospel.
Please think about what I have written. Godspeed to you and your wife.