Could I truly desire with my entire heart to give myself fully to God in a specific way, but the reality is that God wants me to give myself to him in a different way? Why would he allow me to pine for a very specific vocation for so long, only for me to discover that that longing wasn't even from him? Especially considering that, ultimately, all I want is to do his will.
I feel so sad now that I realize this burning that I have may never be satisfied. It hurts!
I don’t care if I’m happy or not, I just want to do what he wants me to do. I’d prefer to be absolutely certain that I’m doing what he wants me to do but at the same time suffer for him and for others. I want to live completely for him. I don’t want a white picket fence and all kinds of stuff that means nothing. I want Carmel! (Now that I’ve written that last exclamation, I remind myself of a child having a tantrum, but I’ll leave it there because it’s how I feel.) But maybe that’s not what God wants for me. Could it be?
Yes, that could possibly be. But as I said…what He has chosen for you, will bring you your ultimate happiness.
I know how you feel. I wanted to be a priest my whole life, I ended up marrying…long story short. I remember on my knees in a room alone on my wedding day putting it back in Gods hands " I want to do what you wish…if you give me a sign…I would walk out of this church right now " …And I meant it! I knew that what He made me for would bring me my ultimate happiness… and I was right!
For the longest time I talked myself into thinking my vocation was marriage, which I thought would bring me happiness. Little did I realize, once I became open to whatever the Lord was calling me to (whether that be Marriage or Religious) was I able to discern with much clearer distinction. Like a poster before stated, the only way we will find true peace, happiness, and closure in our vocation is if we do what God longs for us to do. Only then will we be able to be fulfilled.
Hello! This is my first post. I am very afraid . My whole life I have wanted nothing more than to get married and have children. I still do. I come from a very religious family. I have been close to God for most of my life. About 6 years ago when I was 19 I met a man who verbally and emotionally abused for about 5 years. I still stayed with despite all this and continued to pray for him in knowing that God would change him. The same way St.Monica prayed for her son. He spoke with a priest who forever changed him. It has been almost one year and he is no longer abusive and an incredibly wonderful man who I want to marry. He brings me closer to God and continues to build his relationship with God. About 6 months ago we went to confession together. In the confession room the priest told that he thought I should think about becoming a nun. I do not want to become a nun. I want to get married and have children. I have always wanted nothing more. After that day my relationship with God has become so bad bc i am afraid he will not let me be happy unless I become a nun. I used to go to adoration frequently but do not find myself going anymore. I don’t want to be close to God or to trust his judgement bc I so badly do not want to become a nun. Not being close to God has left me very depressed and unhappy. I take this unhappiness out on my boyfriend who doesn’t deserve it. I do not want to become a nun at all and this is hurting me a lot. Some one help please.
I am curious also as to why you would think that Carmel is not your vocation and that God is calling you elsewhere?
What is your motivation in wanting to enter Carmel?
These are two very important questions that I think you need to answer carefully (at very least) for yourself if not in writing in this thread. Ideally these questions will be answered by you with spiritual direction which is a vastly and totally different matter, and far more important matter, than posts in a Catholic discussion site. We posters can only be quite superficial really and share our thoughts - and such is not spiritual direction.
Basically, there are three initial signs of vocation
*]Attraction to the life
*]Ability to lead the life (includes right motivation)
*]Acceptance into the life
[/LIST]The above three factors do not come about ‘willy nilly’ through an accident of ‘fate’ - these are the initial three Graces The Lord provides when He is calling to a certain state in life.
Discernment sometimes starts out with the first (attraction) and you seem to have this. The second step is to discern if one has the ability to lead the life. Discerning this second step is very initially through our own discerning and through communicating with the religious order to which we are attracted. The final step in the basics is to be accepted into the religious community to which we are attracted and have been communicating - after which there are another 6 or 7 years of discernment actually living the life in the religious community (postulancy, noviciate, temporary vows). During these stages of discernment, attraction to live the life and ability to the life, for two only, are tried and tested while actually living the way of life.
A vocation to religious life is only finally discerned and confirmed with Final Life Vows in the community. It is with Final Vows that one actually knows that one does indeed have the Grace from God of a call and vocation to religious life. Until then, it is a journey of quite a few years of discerning. With Final Vows, the third basic step is fully realized and fulfilled and one is lovingly accepted as a full and final vowed member of the community.
If one is attracted to say religious life and discovers that they do not have the ability to lead the life, very often careful discernment will reveal that perhaps one’s motivation in the attraction to religious life was suspect and possibly more about a certain self indulgence than anything else. However, this does not always apply and one can be very disappointed and saddened to find that they do not have the ability to lead the religious life while one’s motivation is not at all suspect. If one is focused on God’s Will, there might well be a period of grieving for one’s own desire (and this can be a very painful time and yet at the same time a period of sometimes great spiritual growth - it can be a dark journey of unknowing and of detaching), but unfailingly this will resolve with full acceptance and loving embrace of God’s Will if indeed one is focused on God’s Will and knowing dependance on His Grace in all things.
This resolution and this journey (and journey it is!) will lead to happiness, Peace and Joy - and with fulfillment in life’s continuing journey no matter where The Lord may lead in one’s journey through life. This, of course, does not mean that there is no suffering, no Cross, for there is no Christ, no Catholic Christianity, without The Cross of Jesus.
St Therese of Lisieux longed to be active as a missionary when younger, later she realised she was called to a more passive life as a contemplative.
Sts Thomas Becket and Thomas More both became Chancellor of England. Both had grave misgivings indeed in accepting the post, for slightly different reasons. But both were indeed called, and accepted, and both found that their prominence gave them great opportunities to witness.