Masturbation has been my worst habit for the past six years. Recently, I had gone my longest without doing it (one week). This is because I felt more and more guilty as I knew that now that I’m 19, I can’t use age as an excuse anymore since I’m now more liable and accountable for my own actions already. On top of that, it haunted me to be separated from God, and I very much felt His grace throughout this one week of not doing it. Can I just say, it was really tough resisting masturbation for that long.
And just a few minutes ago, I gave in.
I tried to resist, but it only worked for a week. What makes this different from the other times I’ve masturbated is that I had full knowledge that it was grave, and deliberate consent as well. In other words, I was fully conscious that I was sinning. In my mind I was all like “Sorry, God, but I have to do it.” It’s so easy to feel sorry and repent once the sexual tension is gone, but I know this isn’t a healthy way to put things into perspective.
I can only meet up with a priest in a few weeks. But until then, how can I be assured of reconciliation at this point? I don’t want to be apart from God any longer. Having a day without God is really scary. Can I PM a priest here? Can the sacrament of reconciliation work long-distance?
God bless. Please pray for me as I am feeling very depraved right now.