Is it possible to parent from a distance?

Does it work? I think parenting is like man-to-man guarding.

Any thoughts?

My former wife and son are 4 hours away.

It worked great for us. In fact, he gave us a great compliment by telling us he was 16 before he realized we were divorced…LOL

It took alot of work, we put our egos away, and concentrated on him.

I would say not effectively. I am sure some parents would enjoy some daylight between them and their offspring at times. :smiley:

Children feel they are not loved by a parent who doesn’t see them regularly. Children interpret lack of contact as lack of love. So that children feel loved, it is very important for parents to work together to encourage a healthy relationship between children and their far away parent.

When writing or telephoning, don’t ask children to give a message to their other parent, don’t ask them about the personal life of their other parent and don’t talk negatively about their other parent. Children who become messengers or spies or who hear bad things about their parents suffer damage. If is better for children when parents communicate directly with each other.

What if the mother is a single mom and an overseas contract worker…working from a distance to give her daugther a bright future? Can getting co-parents you can trust work?

A brighter future how? By not having her mom right now? Sorry, she’s only got you, and now you are going to leave her? What in the world are you thinking??

It is like a long-distance marriage. You don’t go looking for it, you wouldn’t do it for light reasons, but when it is all you have, what choice do you have? You do your best to play the hand you’re dealt.

You do have to have someone you trust to do the daily man-to-man guarding on your behalf, but it is not automatically an abdication of your duty as a parent to accept a separation from your child. Sometimes, your duty as a parent will require you to take on something that will require it. Sometimes, the nature of your vocation–say, if you are a member of the armed services–will require it. You have to go where the child cannot follow. Sometimes, the place you have to go in order to provide for your child is not a good place for your child to be living. Sometimes, the person and place that are an alternative are better than what you could provide where you have to be and in the context of what you have to be doing.

You do have to have reasons that the child can at least eventually see as acceptable. You are going to be judged by your child on your reasons, and the child will take your choice personally. Again, that doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily wrong if your child doesn’t think you made the right decision. It is something you do have to be ready for.

After all, sometimes the best decision a parent can make for his or her child is to give the child up for adoption. What could be a more extreme example of what you’re asking than that? Yet many adopted children can see what an act of love that takes.

Don’t accept separation from your child for light reasons, though. The child will take that as a sign of how much you value the relationship. (And no, I do not mean you can’t take a trip without taking your kids!)

As a parent, being a parent should come first- that much should be apparent.

Get it?..

Joshua C.

It is not something that you should look to go in to. It is not something that you should do to pursue a passion or to take advantage of an opportunity that you don’t need. If you do it it should only be because you have to, and the benefits of it should extend well beyond the time that you are away.

This is exactly what I was saying. That place the mother has to go to provide for her child is not a good place for said child because no one will take care of the child when the mother reports for work.

No, not adoption. The co-parents are grandparents and aunts and uncles of the child.

What are your thoughts about this situation?

Oh, I didn’t mean that THIS child ought to be put up for adoption!! Heavens, no!!!

No, I meant that a loving parent might make any number of sacrifices that would separate him or her from his or her child, all the way to adoption.

For instance, I am afraid that there are many women in the world who are the only ones in the family with an opportunity to do paid work, and that is some distance away from the family–say, as a domestic worker. What choice would she have? If she has a family who can take care of the child day-to-day without uprooting the child or putting the child among strangers most of the time, of course she would have to go off and live where there is work and allow her relatives or some other trusted parties to take care of her child.

What else could she do? She has to have the willing cooperation of her relatives, though. They have a big stake, and so it is their decision, too. It’s not something she could demand of them. If it were going to be a big advantage for the child in the end, of course I would think the family would at least consider helping her.

I guess I would assume she’d consult with them about what they thought, and that would be her guide. She really has to have their support, 100%. And of course the same with a husband. Whoever is left behind has to be on board, because they’ll be guardians both of the child and of the child’s attitude toward the absentee parent. They’re going to be in charge of the “spin”, not just the day-to-day care. That’s vital.

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