This seems like an odd question. Why would someone who is not open to religious life even be looking into a religious vocation? And I think back to some of the saints, some knew they wanted to be monks/nuns since they were very young.
But I believe I may have a vocation to some sort of celibate life. I currently volunteer at a field house for a lay apostolate, and I just love it. I’m considering the possibility of a vocation to join this apostolate. For the past several months I’ve felt God pulling me in this direction. I thought he was being pretty obvious about his desires for me. I’m planning on visiting their mother house for a month in a little while. Can’t see if I walk on water if I don’t get out of the boat.
However, not long ago I volunteered at the mission in my city and I was talking to an elderly member of this organization. Me and her have bonded a lot, she’s like a big sister to me. We were talking about me going to the “mother ship” for a month and she said not to go expecting to join, to live one day at a time so I can get the full experience no matter what God calls me to do when the month is up. She said that those people who go expecting to join don’t end up joining, and those who go with a lot of reservations and with the intention of spending a month there and then leaving are the ones who end up joining. This devastated me because I love this place. I know without a doubt at all that God wants me volunteering at the mission here and that it is His will that I go to the mother house in the summer. I REALLY want to join. But there are many people who have wanted to join religious orders or lay apostolates since childhood, aren’t there? I was not open to the idea for my whole life until six months ago. Now it’s all I think about. I’m just so sad that she said the desire for it often means the call isn’t true.
Isn’t deep and persistent longing an indication of a vocation? Obviously it is not nearly enough, but it’s an indication of HAVING a vocation and not NOT having one, right? Help!