Is it wrong for a young man to date an older woman?

I'm 27 and there is this woman at work who I thought was in her late 20's or early 30's and I was thinking of asking her out. But before I did I managed to find out her real age which is 39! Which was surprising because she doesn't look or act 39. After finding out I decided not to ask her out. (Also I don't know if she has been divorced or not. Since she is that old I kind of figured that might be the case.)

My question is how old is too old? (Does the Church have any sort of position on this?)

My grandmother was actually nine years older than my grandfather (both devout Catholics)and they were married for 58 years!!! I also recall from reading history that Prime Minister Disraeli of Britain was married to a woman who was 12 years older than he and they had a long happy marriage.

My thinking is that if she is old enough to be my mother than that is too old...ha. So the lady at work was 12-13 years old when I was born and most girls start having their peroids around 11-15 years of age so she is right on that line.

Any thoughts?

I think if you are compatible, and you share religious conviction, and are both open to children, then there is nothing wrong with marriage. The church does not have any requirement that a man be older than a woman in order to wed.

There are practictical reasons not to do it, but as far as I know, the church doesn't really care about differences in age, as long as you're both consenting adults, which you are. The only thing I can think of is that that amount of age usually has baggage, such as former marriages. But the age in and of itself shouldn't be a sin.

Age in itself isn't a sin. However, she is a bit older than you are and is likely to be in a different stage of life. At 39, she is almost middle-aged and is near the end of her child-bearing years. It is likely that she could be divorced, which of course would mean she isn't available for dating and marriage unless she gets an annulment. But it depends on the couple. As you said, there have been many happy marriages with big age gaps. I suggest you find out her marital status before asking her out. Too many people fall in love and fall into sin because they didn't work things out before they started dating.

Jason- from my experience- (I am a young looking 41 year old who is constantly getting carded)- that you should at least give it a try. Just because someone is a certain age, don't make assumptions. I don't have anymore baggage than anyone else. I am just kinda shy and picky about dating. Also just because someone is a certain age doesn't necessarily mean they can't have children- to some degree of course. Many women in the San Francisco bay area have children at 40, like my neighbor and many co-workers. Anyway, you could date a young lady who has health problems and she may not be able to have kids. It is very common! Even men can have slow swimmers and they are the problem. If you like her and have common values and maturity level, give it a try! Also, just because someone is a certain age, don't make other assumptions- I ran a half marathon this summer, did a 1.5 mileswim from Alcatraz and travel all over the world. I could kick most 27 year-olds butts:o)

[quote="moxie7, post:5, topic:231601"]
Jason- from my experience- (I am a young looking 41 year old who is constantly getting carded)- that you should at least give it a try. Just because someone is a certain age, don't make assumptions. I don't have anymore baggage than anyone else. I am just kinda shy and picky about dating. Also just because someone is a certain age doesn't necessarily mean they can't have children- to some degree of course. Many women in the San Francisco bay area have children at 40, like my neighbor and many co-workers. Anyway, you could date a young lady who has health problems and she may not be able to have kids. It is very common! Even men can have slow swimmers and they are the problem. If you like her and have common values and maturity level, give it a try! Also, just because someone is a certain age, don't make other assumptions- I ran a half marathon this summer, did a 1.5 mileswim from Alcatraz and travel all over the world. I could kick most 27 year-olds butts:o)

[/quote]

:thumbsup:

btw, my wife gave birth to our youngest (very healthy) child at 42 years old.

[quote="Jason54321, post:1, topic:231601"]
I'm 27 and there is this woman at work who I thought was in her late 20's or early 30's and I was thinking of asking her out. But before I did I managed to find out her real age which is 39! Which was surprising because she doesn't look or act 39. After finding out I decided not to ask her out. (Also I don't know if she has been divorced or not. Since she is that old I kind of figured that might be the case.)

My question is how old is too old? (Does the Church have any sort of position on this?)

My grandmother was actually nine years older than my grandfather (both devout Catholics)and they were married for 58 years!!! I also recall from reading history that Prime Minister Disraeli of Britain was married to a woman who was 12 years older than he and they had a long happy marriage.

My thinking is that if she is old enough to be my mother than that is too old...ha. So the lady at work was 12-13 years old when I was born and most girls start having their peroids around 11-15 years of age so she is right on that line.

Any thoughts?

[/quote]

i don't think there's a problem with it. i'm 21 and my girlfriend is 30. we starting dating at 18 and 27 and, as soon as we can afford, we plan on getting married.

It depends on many things. It may or may not be a good idea. It might be the best thing you ever did. But the point I want to make here is that not everything that is a bad idea is sinful or forbidden by the Church. Plenty of bad decisions are made without committing any sins at all.

[quote="stephe1987, post:4, topic:231601"]
Age in itself isn't a sin. However, she is a bit older than you are and is likely to be in a different stage of life. At 39, she is almost middle-aged and is near the end of her child-bearing years. It is likely that she could be divorced, which of course would mean she isn't available for dating and marriage unless she gets an annulment. But it depends on the couple. As you said, there have been many happy marriages with big age gaps. I suggest you find out her marital status before asking her out. Too many people fall in love and fall into sin because they didn't work things out before they started dating.

[/quote]

Good Points. Thats what I'm most afraid of that she is divorced.

Anyway, thanks to everyone else who responded...it was all helpful.:thumbsup:

I hope it isn’t. I prefer older women myself. I mean honestly, it’s probably easier not to stumble into immaturity when you are with someone who has had prior experience getting through life.

I like older women a lot, and I can understand falling in this position. It is not sinful to marry someone much much younger or older than you, just very strongly consider the fact that you are entering a union till death. When you are 60 years old, she is going to be 72.

Twelve years isn’t such a tremendous leap. When you get into the 20+ difference range, you risk being a widower while you yourself could still be perfectly healthy. You are also looking at taking care of them for a good while. If you love them and really wish to marry them, then prepare yourself for that and resign yourself to be a cheerful and supportive spouse, and don’t complain or be uncharitable when the time comes.

You’re mistake is you are assuming everybody (including healthy people) live to 70 and then die. Not the case though. :wink:

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