Is it wrong for me to want to go do something?


#1

I have been married for 2 ½ years now. I have one son that is 6 from a previous relationship and a 15 month old with my wife. We haven’t been anywhere without our daughter since she was born. My son is with us 3 to 4 days a week. He happens to be with us every Saturday. I enjoy playing with a local airsoft team, and most of the airsoft events are on Saturday, because that’s when the most people can make it out to play. Anytime I want to go to something like this my wife tells me I shouldn’t go because my son is with us. It’s then usually followed by a statement that she doesn’t get to go out and do anything, and never gets alone time away from the kids. I’ve told her we need to get a baby sitter and go out, but she says we don’t know anyone that could watch them. We do know a few people, but she doesn’t want to leave our daughter. Is it wrong for me to want to go out and do something once a month, like airsoft, or should I give it up? I love my family very much, but I do like to do stuff like that every once and a while.


#2

I don't know what airsoft is but can you take your son with you?

Also, tell your wife you will stay home with the kids and let her go out and do something and make sure you don't forget.

My five year old neice lives with us and just for our sanity, I go play golf with my women's league on Wednesdays and he plays with the men's league on Thursdays. On the weekends we all do something together as a family.

I feel like it's healthy for you, your marriage and your kids to have some "me" time. Both you and your wife need to get away from the kids and have some fun with friends.


#3

Airsoft is a military simulation game using rubber bb's instead of live ammo. Even though the rounds are non-lethal, my son isn't old enough to play. Most fields have a 18+ rule to play.

I offer to let her go out, but she doesn't want to spend the money to do anything. We will go out and watch movies from time to time, but that is with the whole family usually.

Thank you for your answer :)


#4

Take it from a stay-at-home mom who rarely gets time away from the kids--she needs a break too. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get a break. Honestly, I feel like once a month is more than reasonable. My husband goes once a week to play pool with some friends that he's in a league with. And he has a daughter from a previous relationship who is with us on some of those nights. So, yes, once a month would be ok with me, but you MUST allow her to do things too. If she isn't keen on babysitters, suggest she go somewhere alone (shopping, church, take a walk, etc..) and you watch the kids.


#5

If she doesn't want to spend the money, but you know it's within your budget to do so, then buy her a gift card for an activity she likes. Or, you could speak with one of her friends/aquaintances, or even a lady from church if she likes to meet new people, and let her know about the situation and ask for help. Sometimes a walk in the park with a sympathetic ear is the best break in the world.

ETA: Sorry, I didn't answer your original question, I was just focusing on your wife having some time. :blush: I'm a wife with little to no personal time, so that was selfish.

Anyway, no, it's not wrong for either of you to have some time away from the kids and each other, and/or to have some time away from the kids together. And with my original answer, I was thinking that if you are able to facilitate a break for her, she might be more willing to watch the kids while you take a break. Some people are so strained with life circumstances that it's hard to give without receiving.


#6

Why don't you take the kids out and give her an afternoon alone at home? They are easy to entertain at that age, you could find storytime at the library, or play in the park or just walk around the mall. After my daughter was a few months old, I didn't have the energy to go anywhere; just wanted some peace and quiet in my own house for a few hours.


#7

You will have to figure that airsoft is going to cost twice as much now. When you spend a bill for the weekend out, put a bill in her pocket for her time....I played ten years in tourement paintball and know the situation better then you think. When my twins were born, I gave it up despite invitations to a pro team in the works...some things are more important...


#8

[quote="cemiller, post:1, topic:247421"]
I have been married for 2 ½ years now. I have one son that is 6 from a previous relationship and a 15 month old with my wife. We haven’t been anywhere without our daughter since she was born. My son is with us 3 to 4 days a week. He happens to be with us every Saturday. I enjoy playing with a local airsoft team, and most of the airsoft events are on Saturday, because that’s when the most people can make it out to play. Anytime I want to go to something like this my wife tells me I shouldn’t go because my son is with us. It’s then usually followed by a statement that she doesn’t get to go out and do anything, and never gets alone time away from the kids. I’ve told her we need to get a baby sitter and go out, but she says we don’t know anyone that could watch them. We do know a few people, but she doesn’t want to leave our daughter. Is it wrong for me to want to go out and do something once a month, like airsoft, or should I give it up? I love my family very much, but I do like to do stuff like that every once and a while.

[/quote]

Every once in a while is fine, but don't make it into an every-weekend kind of thing. You need to start making the shift into a type of recreation that you and your son, especially, can share. He's on the verge of being able to handle some physical activity, so explore things like geo-caching and/or orienteering. The geo-caching appeals to kids because it's like a treasure hunt, and you can find the items with a GPS. As he gets older, orienteering is more challenging and will teach him outdoorsmanship (providing you don't hunt, in which case, do that instead).

Now as for your wife, she needs to find someone who can watch your daughter for an evening! She is being over-protective which is natural for us moms. But she can trade off with a friend that she trusts - you two need couple time as well. And she needs a little time to herself, as the other poster suggested, even if you take both kids to the park on Saturday mornings, start making the time for her to just go get her nails done or something.

When you are married with kids, everyone has to change and give up some things that you previously enjoyed. That's just life. With kids.

:shrug:


#9

i thought my husband had post this! it's every married persons dilemma. my husband had to snap me out of the stay at home with the baby trance i was in. i understand she doesn't want to leave the baby. it wont be like this after each baby i promise! my husband bought me an outfit and set up appointments for me to get my nails done and a massage. at the end of the day he called to go to a restaurant and there he was. he had gotten a babysitter. i'm gonna say don't leave it up to her. when my husband would say he wanted to go out and do something i would come up with reasons why he shouldn't. and it was because i wanted to spend alone time with him and it seemed he just wanted alone time. which is also necessary. i just thought he wanted to be alone more than he wanted to be with me. go out with her first then she will be more willing to have you go without the guilt trip. the money was my excuse too, and you know what? we some how can afford going out once a week, now that it's a priority.


#10

[quote="merne9, post:9, topic:247421"]
i thought my husband had post this! it's every married persons dilemma. my husband had to snap me out of the stay at home with the baby trance i was in. i understand she doesn't want to leave the baby. it wont be like this after each baby i promise! my husband bought me an outfit and set up appointments for me to get my nails done and a massage. at the end of the day he called to go to a restaurant and there he was. he had gotten a babysitter. i'm gonna say don't leave it up to her. when my husband would say he wanted to go out and do something i would come up with reasons why he shouldn't. and it was because i wanted to spend alone time with him and it seemed he just wanted alone time. which is also necessary. i just thought he wanted to be alone more than he wanted to be with me. go out with her first then she will be more willing to have you go without the guilt trip. the money was my excuse too, and you know what? we some how can afford going out once a week, now that it's a priority.

[/quote]

lol funny enough that sounds exactly like something my wife would post....


#11

Thanks everyone, you've all at least given me a few extra things to think about.


#12

[quote="cemiller, post:1, topic:247421"]
I have been married for 2 ½ years now. I have one son that is 6 from a previous relationship and a 15 month old with my wife. We haven’t been anywhere without our daughter since she was born. My son is with us 3 to 4 days a week. He happens to be with us every Saturday. I enjoy playing with a local airsoft team, and most of the airsoft events are on Saturday, because that’s when the most people can make it out to play. Anytime I want to go to something like this my wife tells me I shouldn’t go because my son is with us. It’s then usually followed by a statement that she doesn’t get to go out and do anything, and never gets alone time away from the kids. I’ve told her we need to get a baby sitter and go out, but she says we don’t know anyone that could watch them. We do know a few people, but she doesn’t want to leave our daughter. Is it wrong for me to want to go out and do something once a month, like airsoft, or should I give it up? I love my family very much, but I do like to do stuff like that every once and a while.

[/quote]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you spending time away from the family. But there is nothing wrong with your wife spending time away, or the two of you spending time away...but with the dynamic you must find balance so everyone can function. Some need more activities than others. By asking the question...yes you are learning. Ponder your feelings, and then empathize with your wife. Life is full of things we must try to balance. Finding a niche of alone time, even at home...yardwork, walking together...good going, mister.


#13

I see nothing wrong with wanting a little time away, as long as you spend plenty of time with your children, and make sure your wife gets the same privilege at the same frequency! It can be hard to find childcare, surprise her by recruiting a girl from a local college or a babysitter with a great reputation. Ask co-workers and friends, there is bound to be someone! And, of course, don't forget to have some time alone with your wife from time to time... couples often take that for granted in the baby haze :)


#14

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