Is it wrong if...


#1

Is it a sin for my gf and I to share the bed if we’re just cuddling/napping? People I’ve talked to, including a priest, didn’t think it was too big a deal if that’s just what we’re doing but I want others opinions, too. Thanks. We’ve been doing it for a long time, so there’s not really temptation to sin, but I realized if it is wrong, then I need to stop so I can make good confessions. We don’t care if the door is open or whatever, we’re not trying to get alone or anything like that, just interested in napping together on her dorm bed.


#2

Dosn’t the Lords pryer say “lead us not into temptation”? Something maynot be a sin however if we do something that could distract us from living Godley lives then if and when we need or ask God for help He may not give it. Whose fault would it be then if we do fall into sin and follow the way of the world that is sooooo wide.
God bless
little one


#3

You can say it’s not a proximate occasion for sin, but one day it might turn into one. Also it is scandalous. Do other people know you guys do this? Mightn’t they do likewise and possibly be led to sin by your seemingly innocent example? I would discontinue the practice and confess. I doubt it’s mortal or anything, but why not be thorough?:o


#4

No.


#5

I would say no. I know a lot of people on the site like to mention that such things may be seen as scandalous, but really, I have never met anyone at college who would even think such a thing, especially if the door is open, and even more so if they know that you area practicing Catholic. That last usually crushes any chances for rumors or thoughts of scandal. So as long as you don’t prompt anyone into believing that there is more going on, you should be fine.


#6

When we say the Act of Contrition, we include the words " I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy Grace, to sin no more, and **to avoid the near-occasion of sin **. . . "

Though this habit of napping/cuddling may have innocent enough intentions, we are expected to behave in ways which will help us avoid situations in which we may be tempted.

Lying on a bed with a girlfriend/boyfriend certainly may be interpretted as a “near-occasion of sin”. And your actions could definitely be misinterpretted by others, causing public scandal.

Be on guard. Even the best of intentions are open to temptations that can lead to moments of weakness.


#7

The version I was taught was “whatever leads me to sin”, although both are considered equally valid. Considering that this was a later version of it, I believe it was a clarification (although I could easily be wrong). If it doesn’t lead me to sin, nor is it seen as scandalous, then I don’t see that there is a problem with it. Next I will be told that a man and woman may never meet in private unless they are married. This is rediculous. Yes, some people will always extrapolate anything into scandal, that is why I commented on making sure that your feelings and beliefs on such matters are known. If those around you know you are a devout Catholic, then it is doubtful that spending time together, especially if the door is open, would be thought of as scandalous.

Now, I understand I may be a little more forgiving, since I tend to assume the best of people, but in my experience there is nothing scandalous about two people who are dating spending some time together, even if that includes falling asleep on the same bed, as long as their feelings on things such as pre-marital sex are known.


#8

Wrong -No

Wise-No


#9

I think too that there is the danger of thinking we are allowed to “get away” with as much as possible instead of concentrating on being as holy as possible.

Our goal is heaven. Anything that might get in the way of our attaining heaven ought to be avoided, even if it seems innocent on the surface, because we human beings are burdened with a corrupted nature, a darkened intellect, and a weakened will as a consequence of the fall.

And finally, if you even have ask if what you and your gf are doing might be a problem, then it is a problem–one that could all too easily lead to other, bigger problems that could so easily be avoided by being wise and desiring holiness above mere physical pleasure.


#10

I notice many people saying it could be an occasion of sin (which it very well could be) so why even risk it. To me, it seems occasions of sin are determined entirely by the individual.

This is a slippery slope in both directions. For those saying this is going to far and it is best to be avoided, what about simply sitting next to each other, innocent kisses, holding hands, being alone together, etc? These things are occasions of sins for some and not for others so where does it stop? I think only the individual can determine whether it is an occasion of sin and therefore it is hard for others to judge for them.

Likewise, saying it is perfectly acceptable can lead some people to think that maybe they can stretch it a little farther and farther until they really have reached the point of sin or they underestimate how weak they may actually be.

I guess the point is moderation, and in issues like this, what is considered a safe acceptable point to avoid sin is determined by the individual and the situation.

It doesn’t sound instrinsically sinful to me, but others have pointed out the potential problems with it. I don’t know if those on an internet forum can provide a perfect answer as the replies will largely be subjective opinions.


#11

Okay, I’m going to risk sounding extremely old fashioned but . . .

When I was a young girl, college dorms were not co-ed. In fact, each dorm had a dorm “mom” who sat at the front entrance and made sure no one of the opposite sex made it into the dorm. Ever. Parents could be reasonably comfortable knowing that their home rules about members of the opposite sex in the bedroom were carried out away from home. Students were allowed to mingle, visit, socialize in the common areas, but never in the sleeping quarters.

Then the 60’s came and everything became okay. No rules anymore. What used to be a cardinal sin when I was growing up - no one of the opposite sex in my bedroom EVER - was suddenly too harsh. (Wow weren’t we surprised when my girlfriend suddenly found herself pregnant - Gosh, mom and dad just thought they were studying back there!)

So to kind of answer your question, where do we draw the line? Do we go back to the one-parent-present-in-the-parlor rule while courting? Or do we snuggle on a bed in a dorm room and wonder why anyone thinks it might be somewhat scandelous?

Problem is, we’ve gotten so permissive that young people are confused as to what is appropriate or not. Snuggling on the dorm bed, napping/cuddling together in dorm rooms may not seem harmful, but not so many years ago, it would have been unheard of! Or at least avoided.

If my daughter had asked me the OP’s question, I would have been honest with her. I’d have told her “get your boyfriend out of your dorm room”. I trust my daughter completely, but he has no business there.

I’m sorry, but I’m old fashioned.


#12

This is the correct answer.


#13

I agree with those who say that it is not a sin, but probably is unwise to nap together in bed.

I’m a female college student, and my boyfriend and I would both say that any position in which both of you are anywhere near horizontal can get very tempting very quickly. We’ve napped (oh, finals week!) together before, but seated on my futon. You can cuddle sufficiently (and chastely!) there quite well :wink: Laying down together, imo, isn’t a good idea.

Always keep in mind, though, that the goal is not “how far can we go?” but “what is an appropriate display of affection for our vocation as a dating couple?”. Anything in bed, even affectionate cuddling/napping, is really reserved for marriage. I can’t imagine how exciting it will be to wake up for the first time–even from a nap–gazing into my husband’s eyes :D.


#14

I don’t think you’ve clarified the situation. Are you going over to her room and sleeping in the bed? What for? A cat nap between classes? Or every night?

Does she have her own dorm? Her own house? Live with her parents? Do others observe this behavior?

My bf has an apartment and there are nights when I go over there, eat a midnight snack and play video games. Sometimes I fall asleep. But he doesn’t. And he wakes me up to drive me home.

Also, you mention it is not an occasion of sin for you. :thumbsup: I agree this is possible. We haven’t been tempted to do anything. It is just a different feeling all together from that desire to be intimate, KWIM? Of course, if we do ever feel that way, then I guess I will have to forgo the game nights!


#15

She has a dorm room, occassionally a roommate is in there, but we try not to lay down when she is. Usually it’s just an occassional nap after class or something, especially towards the end of the semester when things get exhausting. I live off campus and she’s on campus so it’s easier to just take a nap there.


#16

She is also going to RCIA and we’re planning on getting married after I graduate.


#17

I believe you leave yourself open to be seen as a hypocrite when sleeping ( in) the bed or were you saying on the bed? and stil saying that you are a devout catholic. I believe that to give satan an inch is to allow satan to take a meter. For you to say If those around you know you are a devout Catholic, then it is doubtful that spending time together, especially if the door is open, would be thought of as scandalous I don’t think you can be for real since the oposite is proved in psychology as being the obvious answer.
Think about the suggestion you are giving the questionee.
littleone


#18

Just one question can you truthfully say that you lay ***on ***the bed without blankets over you, while you both sleep?


#19

reclaimed;1761992]She has a dorm room, occassionally a roommate is in there, but we try not to lay down when she is

Perhaps you already have your answer if you avoid the behavior when the roommate is there. Could it be that your conscience is feeling a little shame when you know some-one is able to witness this. :confused: Remember, God sees all, even that which goes on in “private”.


#20

We just don’t want to make her uncomfortable.


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