Is it wrong to ask for it? (Are there any priests here?)

Ok, I have somewhat heard that daydreaming is a sin and that confuses me. Because if so than that is probably my biggest sin. Day dreaming is just someone looking forward to something… So if I was day dreaming about going to mass would that be a sin. Right now I am daydreaming because I get to go on a Steubenville Retreat in less than a week! But I cannot possibly be sinning.

So my bigger question is…
Being a teenager hormones and different things can be hard to control. My boyfriends parents are extremely strict and I barely even get to talk to him on the phone but things between the two of us are very strong. We haven’t done anything wrong, we’ve decided to remain completely chaste and he hasn’t even kissed me. But is it wrong for me to ask God to allow me to have a specific dream? Like if I asked God to let me have a dream about sitting down and getting coffee or something…
I’ve also has explicit dreams and I can’t figure out if that should be something to talk to be worried about.

I talked to my mother about it months ago and she said that she had the same problem when she was a teenager. She would have a dream about sleeping with a man but she would never see his face so in the dreams she never knew who he was… Then when she actually got married she said that God told her that her husband was the man she always dreamed about… In my dreams the guy is always the same and I really feel like the guy I have been going out with for almost 8 months now sounds just like the guy and all kinds of other things… Can someone please help me to understand these things…!!

Well you are talking of two different types of dreams. Day dreams are dreams that you have that you allow for your mind to wonder in. If those dreams are impure than those are sins because you are not guarding your thoughts. Now dreaming (as in dreaming while you sleep) those are not sins (as per a priest). The way it was explained to me was that Dreams are just fragments of your subconsience. For example, if you watched a TV show that showed a romantic scene in the sun set with someone you like. Then perhaps that evening you will have fragments of that in your dream. We can not control our subconscience but we can control our thoughts when we are awake.

As far as day dreaming. If your day dream is a pure dream, let’s say dreaming of marrying prince charming. Then it’s ok as long as prince charming and you remain pure in your thoughts.

And even then it would be a sin if you sit and dwell on those impure thoughts. Like when you come upon a scene in a movie right, and you know that you should not be watching that scene and you still delibertly sit and watch that scene. Then you have allowed yourself to dwell on it.

I hope that helps.
God Bless!

Just be careful you are not placing those thoughts deliberately into your conscious mind. If you want an opinion I would suggest that you are starting to become preoccupied with dancing around the general subject area of avoiding premarital sex in a way where that subject focus itself keeps the general subject matter in your mind and possibly into your subconscious mind too.

It would not be appropriate to ask God to let you have essentially a sanctioned fantasy through dreams just so you can avoid making a conscious act of freewill to avoid sin and an excuse to entertain sexual thoughts. That’s kind of like gaming the definition of sin in a way that one tries to have their cake and eat it too. We all can be highly creative in how we try to rationalize and justify illicit actions or desires in ways that make them acceptable. But in your heart I think you know the answer here.

As for dreams, I am no expert but I do not believe that it is abnormal at all for dreams that are of a sexual nature to come occasionally and spontaneously into one’s mind. I think there is some variability between the sexes on how far these dreams can go. But if one is awaken from sleep by one of these dreams try to not further the dream along from a semi-awaken state. I can recollect a few times when I was a younger man where I was woken up by such a dream mid-way through it. I had to laugh and cry at the misfortune of being interrupted before the story line got all the way to the conclusion and then hurriedly tried to fall asleep again with the hope it would resume where it left off (but they never do :wink: ).

Another problem you are getting into is that you are dating a young man for a fairly long time. As one becomes more comfortable with a person there are naturally going to be thoughts about intimacy. You yourself mentioned that you two have already broached this topic and elected to defer (a wise choice). If you are finding that the focus of the relationship is starting to get too centered on thoughts of avoiding intimacy or talking about it is starting to get risky. It may be time to start mixing your time up with other activities seperate from each other unless you are ready to become engaged. I think the Catholic guidelines are that 6-12 months of continuous dating of one person is starting to get to the point where its quite serious and you really need to be careful that you don’t find yourself at some point being unable to control hormones and getting in trouble. Hormones will win out from good intentions in 99% of the cases if the opportunities and the familiarity are all there.

Just some things to think of.


Great Advice CentralFlJames!

Remember to not fall into sin we must avoid the root of sin. Becareful as CentralFlJames has mentioned.

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