Is it wrong to be romantic to your boyfriend or girlfriend?


#1

Good day to you all. I was having a discussion with my mom the other day and she was telling me that kissing was only to be done within a marriage. Open-mouth kissing would definitely be quite bad if one is in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage because it can become passionate. But what of simpler things like holding hands, going on dates and pecks on the cheek or lips?


#2

There's nothing wrong with holding hands. It's long been a way of showing a chaste love. In many cultures, even just regular friends hold hands.


#3

Thanks for your response. Hmm I suppose my mom was tackling this physical intimacy issue with regards to chastity. So in what ways can you remain chaste with your boyfriend/girlfriend?


#4

Well, don’t have sex. :stuck_out_tongue:
But seriously, it is a difficult issue. There’s a lot of pressure in society to do that sort of thing outside of marriage. But remember that the world’s ways are not always God’s ways.
The best way to think about it is as a spiritual matter. If you wait until you are married, the spiritual fulfillment will be well worth the wait.


#5

Of course no sex lol :stuck_out_tongue: You’re right haha.


#6

It's totally not wrong to be romantic! What fun is a relationship without at least a little romance!

Chastity is kind of a personal thing, honestly. "Too far" for someone else may not be too far for me and vice versa. (Don't let sex fall under the "not too far" category, but I think you get that.) It depends on your personal feelings and religious thoughts on the matter. Are you in a position where you are strongly tempted to give into lust? When you start getting too far, I think you'll let yourself know. You get that "feeling" like "uh oh." Unlike what society says, many people don't just blindly have sex. There is definitely thought involved. There are moments when you can catch yourself and quit.

I don't see anything wrong with holding hands, kissing, or even making out (me, personally, as long as it doesn't get too heavy). It depends on both of your personal feelings about religion and the relationship itself. Trust me, if you're going too far, the little voice in the back of your head will let you know. :p

In the meantime, I say get your romance on! :thumbsup:


#7

[quote="LizKirb, post:6, topic:315912"]
It's totally not wrong to be romantic! What fun is a relationship without at least a little romance!

Chastity is kind of a personal thing, honestly. "Too far" for someone else may not be too far for me and vice versa. (Don't let sex fall under the "not too far" category, but I think you get that.) It depends on your personal feelings and religious thoughts on the matter. Are you in a position where you are strongly tempted to give into lust? When you start getting too far, I think you'll let yourself know. You get that "feeling" like "uh oh." Unlike what society says, many people don't just blindly have sex. There is definitely thought involved. There are moments when you can catch yourself and quit.

I don't see anything wrong with holding hands, kissing, or even making out (me, personally, as long as it doesn't get too heavy). It depends on both of your personal feelings about religion and the relationship itself. Trust me, if you're going too far, the little voice in the back of your head will let you know. :p

In the meantime, I say get your romance on! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

Thanks for your response. Haha get my romance on? Honestly, I'm not very romantic which is why I had to ask about these things since I don't know lol :D I thought these romantic expressions fall into a hierarchy and that levels of that hierarchy would be considered chaste in this level of a relationship.

Like holding hands -> hugging -> kissing -> making out -> heavy petting -> sex
For me, I think holding hands to kissing would be permissible with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Personally, I only want to make out with my fiancé :) Then the later two in marriage would be ok, right?

How do personal feelings about religion play into this? Also, before all that, you have to talk with your boyfriend/girlfriend about your physical expectations in a relationship plus what you wouldn't do, right?


#8

Here's a freshman Health lesson from a retired teacher. The human body was created with a sexual response mechanism so that people would want to reproduce. If you engage in activities that trigger the response cycle it is progressive, leading to clearly defined stages. Stopping what you are doing becomes very difficult as you progress through these stages. People who care about each other become more and more familiar with each other as time goes by, holding hands leads to kissing,etc. So, romance needs to be things which are not intimate or going to trigger the sexual response cycle.


#9

[quote="mountee, post:8, topic:315912"]
Here's a freshman Health lesson from a retired teacher. The human body was created with a sexual response mechanism so that people would want to reproduce. If you engage in activities that trigger the response cycle it is progressive, leading to clearly defined stages. Stopping what you are doing becomes very difficult as you progress through these stages. People who care about each other become more and more familiar with each other as time goes by, holding hands leads to kissing,etc. So, romance needs to be things which are not intimate or going to trigger the sexual response cycle.

[/quote]

Thanks for your response. I think you posted on another thread of mine haha. Nice to run into you again :) I see what you're saying. Romantic acts tend to progress and increase in intimacy over time. How would you suggest to properly manage these acts so that they may always stay within chaste parameters?


#10

[quote="Rivii, post:9, topic:315912"]
Thanks for your response. I think you posted on another thread of mine haha. Nice to run into you again :) I see what you're saying. Romantic acts tend to progress and increase in intimacy over time. How would you suggest to properly manage these acts so that they may always stay within chaste parameters?

[/quote]

Here's the truth. Pray to God to send you a mate that will share your faith and the rules. You will never be happier than to share your life with someone who worships and prays with you and respects you for who and what you are. God has the perfect mate already chosen the question is are you ready to lead the life with this person that God us planned for you? If you go down this road with someone who believes what you believe everything falls into place, it isn't always easy but you do it together.


#11

If your a young person -- ones Parents may have* particular rules* for you to follow in addition to the Teachings of the Church and the principles of moral theology etc.


#12

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at EWTN theology dept...it will be of great help!

(One note though on this reading...I would note that when they say "as soon as he begins to enjoy.." under "pure intent"... it would mean before knowing consent...)

NB: If your a young person -- ones Parents may have* particular rules* for you to follow in addition to the Teachings of the Church and the principles of moral theology etc.


#13

[quote="mountee, post:10, topic:315912"]
Here's the truth. Pray to God to send you a mate that will share your faith and the rules. You will never be happier than to share your life with someone who worships and prays with you and respects you for who and what you are. God has the perfect mate already chosen the question is are you ready to lead the life with this person that God us planned for you? If you go down this road with someone who believes what you believe everything falls into place, it isn't always easy but you do it together.

[/quote]

Thanks for your advice. I'll be praying then :) God bless!


#14

[quote="Bookcat, post:12, topic:315912"]
ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at EWTN theology dept...it will be of great help!

(One note though on this reading...I would note that when they say "as soon as he begins to enjoy.." under "pure intent"... it would mean before knowing consent...)

NB: If your a young person -- ones Parents may have* particular rules* for you to follow in addition to the Teachings of the Church and the principles of moral theology etc.

[/quote]

Thanks for your response and reference. It certainly was of great help. Yeah, parents do have particular rules especially with culture involved with the teachings of the Church.


#15

Not to rain on anyone's parade here, but our culture in general has a twisted view of love and romance, especially where it involves sexuality. The idea that we can choose what we consider moral behavior or otherwise is not a biblical concept and it contrary to the teachings of the Church. I know that many will disagree with me and this is very conservative, but I do not believe to people should even date (or have otherwise physical interaction) if they do not intend to be married. Furthermore, an engaged couple should show extreme prudence on the issue of physical relations until after the marriage takes place.

This may sound quite extreme to some people, but the western concept of "dating around" is quite new, and has never shown to be fulfilling. In fact, divorce is far too frequent in our culture, in and out of the church. This is likely because of problems that exist going into marriage.


#16

[quote="eyesopening, post:15, topic:315912"]
Not to rain on anyone's parade here, but our culture in general has a twisted view of love and romance, especially where it involves sexuality. The idea that we can choose what we consider moral behavior or otherwise is not a biblical concept and it contrary to the teachings of the Church. I know that many will disagree with me and this is very conservative, but I do not believe to people should even date (or have otherwise physical interaction) if they do not intend to be married. Furthermore, an engaged couple should show extreme prudence on the issue of physical relations until after the marriage takes place.

This may sound quite extreme to some people, but the western concept of "dating around" is quite new, and has never shown to be fulfilling. In fact, divorce is far too frequent in our culture, in and out of the church. This is likely because of problems that exist going into marriage.

[/quote]

Thanks for your response. It's fine, I see where you're coming from. If you get into a relationship with short-term commitments, then it'll just leave heartache for everyone involved; who would want that?


#17

[quote="Rivii, post:14, topic:315912"]
Thanks for your response and reference. It certainly was of great help. Yeah, parents do have particular rules especially with culture involved with the teachings of the Church.

[/quote]

Your very welcome --- glad it was helpful.

Thus if say a parent had the particular rule that their teenager is not to "have a girlfriend" the teenager would need to follow such. That is part of what falls to Parents to determine.


#18

[quote="Bookcat, post:17, topic:315912"]
Your very welcome --- glad it was helpful.

Thus if say a parent had the particular rule that their teenager is not to "have a girlfriend" the teenager would need to follow such. That is part of what falls to Parents to determine.

[/quote]

I see... Thanks :)


#19

[quote="Rivii, post:7, topic:315912"]
Thanks for your response. Haha get my romance on? Honestly, I'm not very romantic which is why I had to ask about these things since I don't know lol :D I thought these romantic expressions fall into a hierarchy and that levels of that hierarchy would be considered chaste in this level of a relationship.

Like holding hands -> hugging -> kissing -> making out -> heavy petting -> sex
For me, I think holding hands to kissing would be permissible with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Personally, I only want to make out with my fiancé :) Then the later two in marriage would be ok, right?

How do personal feelings about religion play into this? Also, before all that, you have to talk with your boyfriend/girlfriend about your physical expectations in a relationship plus what you wouldn't do, right?

[/quote]

Sure! Whatever you and your girlfriend are comfortable with! That's what's most important! Never EVER forget your girlfriend's feelings. I'm saying this as someone who was pressured into a lot of things when she was younger. Thank God I didn't go into terrible sin, but I was very uncomfortable and my boyfriend just did not consider how I felt.

Well, I mean your personal interpretation on what chastity is and how your actions play into that. That's what I mean by "thoughts on religion." There is no defined line that defines what actions chaste and what's not besides the hard line of sex. The Church doesn't dictate that. So, by my statement, I mean that you need to consider your feelings and your thoughts on what the Church would think about your specific actions etc.

Yes. You HAVE to have that talk with your girlfriend. That is so important. She needs to respect your boundaries and you respect hers. It may be a bit of an awkward talk to have, but you have to do that. That way, if the lines are clear and things start to get too far, if you can't stop yourself, maybe your girlfriend can call it quits and she saves your chastity as well as hers. If two people know what each other are comfortable with, the relationship will be so much better for both. Plus, you can both help each other preserve chastity. :)


#20

[quote="LizKirb, post:19, topic:315912"]
Sure! Whatever you and your girlfriend are comfortable with! That's what's most important! Never EVER forget your girlfriend's feelings. I'm saying this as someone who was pressured into a lot of things when she was younger. Thank God I didn't go into terrible sin, but I was very uncomfortable and my boyfriend just did not consider how I felt.

Well, I mean your personal interpretation on what chastity is and how your actions play into that. That's what I mean by "thoughts on religion." There is no defined line that defines what actions chaste and what's not besides the hard line of sex. The Church doesn't dictate that. So, by my statement, I mean that you need to consider your feelings and your thoughts on what the Church would think about your specific actions etc.

Yes. You HAVE to have that talk with your girlfriend. That is so important. She needs to respect your boundaries and you respect hers. It may be a bit of an awkward talk to have, but you have to do that. That way, if the lines are clear and things start to get too far, if you can't stop yourself, maybe your girlfriend can call it quits and she saves your chastity as well as hers. If two people know what each other are comfortable with, the relationship will be so much better for both. Plus, you can both help each other preserve chastity. :)

[/quote]

Thanks for expounding :) So we should always be considerate of each other's feelings, yeah? Also we should respect each other's boundaries. That's nice :) Thanks.

p.s. This is just for clarification... but I'm a girl :o


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