Is it wrong to say a novena with the intent of asking for a specific person to fall in love with you?

I met this girl on a spiritual retreat - she’s Catholic like me, very very pious from what I can see, and I’ve had a crush on her pretty much since I met her. At the moment we are friends and little more, I don’t even know if she likes me. As far as I am aware she is not considering a spiritual vocation and is looking for person to date who could ultimately be husband material. I am 26 - she is 24.

I’ve never actually done a proper novena before - although I’ve said the rosary many times. I feel guilty for making my first novena a semi-selfish intention - (although I realise that the acts of dating with the right person ultimately lead to marriage which is a sacrament and very good and all the rest of it).

I am considering doing two back-to-back Novenas one for my own intention, and the second for something totally selfless (like the poor, the sick, the unfaithful - any suggestions?)

Jesus,our Lords peace be whit You.
Well well. It is not a sin,as such,but we need keep in mind that every ever so short prayer,is us talking to God,waiting for a ansver. So the elements to a sin is there. But,God gave us free will to choose,and that goes to every thing in life,so if she will fall in love whit You is not because You prayed,it is her free will. We can,and we both need and must,pray for others,and what we pray for can’t be a wish that something evil or bad will happend to someone else,and I don’t want to take the hope from You,but she might feel love for someone else still feeling friendship towards You,so if You pray for her to fall in love whit You,and by the way,it don’t work,I have tryed,as I guess most of us,may,and I am not saying that You mean bad,or want to hurt someone else,will be against someone elses will and hope,and then Your prayer means something bad for someone. But,as I wrote,God has give us free will,and she might choose You,or not,but I would advice You to NOT pray for such a thing,just to be sure You don’t hurt anyone,including this object of Your desire.
I remember my first love,the “real” love,times before my call to prisesthood,and my mistake by not follow it and marrie,and divorce,and now I have my call,still,but no way to become a priest. It wos a beutifull girl whit golden hair and clearblue eyes,and we did date for three days,I wos 15 and she wos 12,I never forget those days,and sometimes I still feel for her,but I lost her,we stayed friends for many many years,good and true friends,to alcohol and drugs,and I saw a picture of her a some time ago,and,well,I did see those eyes,and the rest wos gone thru years of using drugs and alchohol,and I when I wos younger did pray she would still fall for me,and priesthood call or not,I still wish she would be my friend,if not anything moore. My call makes it impossible to date,but I can say honestly that I still love her.
But You are young,and You will find someone else,marrie and get children if God so wants,and You will be happy.

I have a slightly different thought. Let God pick your future spouse. In your prayers, instead of asking for a particular person, ask God to bring you a good woman who could be your future spouse. Someone who will be a good mother and someone who you can help each other grow in your faith. God knows your heart and he has a plan for you, one that is perfectly matched to you!

Pray …by all means pray…and of course be open to what God thinks is best…(of course prayer is not magic as you know…but it can help her with the grace to see you from God…)

also remember …act. If you like her…pray and act. :slight_smile:

before someone else does…:slight_smile:

(though friendship is very important…to have as the basis)

Pray…nothing to be guilty about…it is fine! Pray…but act too. God gives us grace to act as well :slight_smile:

This is what I would advise as well. Pray for the wisdom to recognize the one God has planned for you and the courage to act. But praying for one specific person to fall in love with you is not the smartest use of prayer. Praying for the right words to ask out this particular girl, and the courage to do so, yes. But you have no idea what she may or may not be like and you don’t know if its God’s plan for you two to be together. Her falling in love with you may not be anything you want in a couple of weeks time and its not like a gift that you can exchange at whim.

Sure - this sounds like a plan. Pray ‘to recognise the one’ - I think I’ll adapt the intention slightly to accommodate someone else if this girl is not ‘God’s plan’ - but I seriously hope she is all the same!

Incidentally - isn’t the notion of ‘God having a plan’ a little bit of an argument against free-will and in favour of determinism. I thought Catholic teaching was firmly against determinism?

You have free will to discern what God wants for you, or you can reject it entirely. You can marry the wrong person, that’s anybody’s choice. Me, I chose to pray for discernment and to have the wisdom to recognize the one God wanted for my husband, for surely God knows better than I. Perhaps if more people took the time to discern God’s will and pray for their marriage partner instead of thinking they know better, there wouldn’t be as many bad marriages and divorces.

And since you brought up free will, aren’t you basically asking to take this girl’s free will away from her if you pray for her to fall in love with you? Wouldn’t you rather know that she wants you because she has prayed for a marriage partner and discerned God’s will for her life and then she falls in love with you?

Well put, Bookcat. I concur. Acting is a very important piece of the puzzle as well. :slight_smile:

James, I agree with the other posters that there is certainly nothing wrong with praying. It never hurts to throw in the request that God help to purify your motives, too, though. :wink:

I prayed many a novena for similar intentions. If you feel your heart pulled towards a particular young lady, there is nothing wrong with praying for that. However, (and this is very important), you always have to add the caveat that “not my will, but Your will be done, O Lord.”

Come to think of it, I recall eventually shifting my focus from praying for myself to praying for whichever particular young woman I was interested in at the time to find her vocation, whether or not that was with me. Most of those novenas were not answered as I originally envisioned, but one of them was, and that was enough. :slight_smile:

Nothing wrong with praying for it at all. It is not praying for her free will to be taken away. It is praying for the grace of God to cause her to love you. We often pray for specific people to do specific things (eg. “God please help the surgeon operating on my Mom to do a good job”). As with all things, she still has to decide to accept the grace and decide to love you.
And do not think praying for a specific favor, that is important to you, is some type of waste of God’s time/efforts. He is infinite, He cares about you, and if it is important to you, pray for it. Just be open to His answer and plan being a little different. I don’t know how often I have heard that an athlete should not pray for victory, as if God is too high and mighty to care if the team wins or loses. If it is important to the athlete, it is important to God. Doesn’t mean you get what you want, but certainly ok to pray for.

Just never forget that your prayer life should include praise and thanksgiving at all times along with the petitions. But never fell guilty about praying for something that is important to you and seems to be good.

PS. I know of one guy who prayed for his wife to start dating him, novenas mainly, for a year. Finally she found out about it from a friend and decided she should at least date him once if he cared that much. They are happily married now.

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Thank you all of you,

I did not intend to come across as insensitive to her side on all this, I do recognise the fact that she may have her own crushes on other people / different plan from God / etc. But I do hope all the same that something might happen.

I will of course prepare myself inwardly for nothing to happen, and not look with anger upon a different situation to the one I hope for arising.

That’s an awesome story! :smiley:

My thought is to pray for God’s blessings upon your relationship with her, that it remains true and loving. Then, if it is meant to be, let it happen on it’s own course. Enjoy your relationship for what it is. Sometimes we get so caught up wishing for something to happen in the future that we miss what’s right in front of us, the good and the bad.

Thank you for sharing your insights about this. :thumbsup:

Just practice being the best version of you, dear! :thumbsup:

Zombie post alert…

OUCH was my intial reaction.

Love does not try to manipulate or control Love gives freedom . Seeking to "own"someone lik this? OUCH! OUCH!

I pray you find true love.

Lots of this going on around here lately, with old threads being revived from years ago. :wink:

Is there any rule here that we should not post a reply to the old thread? Please provide the link if there’s any. :slight_smile:

I have the same question, so do I need to create a new thread with the same concern?

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