Is it wrong to want to go to an out of town convention by myself?


#1

I’ve been involved with a political party for over a year now and I think it’s time that I start attending some of the state functions and get to know people, especially since most the conservatives and pro-lifers are from other faraway parts of the state. There’s a chance I can hitch a ride with some local party members, but will drive alone if I must.

But I’m feeling guilty because I want to tell my husband that I want to go by myself when we had originally talked about going together. He used to be in the other party but is no longer active, and was going to just hack around town while I was in the various sessions. But really, I should be spending lunches and dinners and open-bars with these people. My husband is a bit of a chatterbox when he’s nervous and what usually happens is I end up standing around while he talks about things I’ve heard before and my mind just goes blank, especially if I’m tired. I’ve been around people like him all my life, to where I practically forgot how to speak, and I really need to stand on my own.

There is absolutely no flirting or philandering here… plus I adore politics, where he is no longer really interested. Am I wrong & selfish to want to go it alone?


#2

If he wants to go to do other things, then why not help him plan his itinerary to not include the functions you want to go to. Get him tickets to some kind of event(s), like a football game or see if there will be a convention there covering some hobby of his, etc. And if he has to be with you for some of the functions, just introduce him to someone, get him going in a conversation, excuse yourself and go talk to the people you really want to talk to. Would any of these suggestions be helpful to you so that you can have him go and it not become a problem for you?


#3

I don’t think it is wrong to want to go by yourself; however, if you had already planned to go together you may be considered rude to suddenly change plans on him. I think Della has a good idea. You may discover, once you get there, that you might need him as an escort or to talk to at the end of the evening.


#4

I agree with Leslie. I’d be hurt if I was in your husband’s shoes and you told me that you had decided you wanted to go alone. It would make me question what else was wrong besides what you mentioned if you shared that reasoning with me. I believe that when we make plans with somebody we should do our best to follow through on our commitment.

Crystal


#5

Here’s the thing…you married him for better (let you count the ways) and worse (he’s not the greatest at parties). Guess what, take him with you, esp if you’ve discussed it before. If he wants to go, why not? Do you not want to be with him for other reasons (i’m not suggesting sinful ones, just “other” reasons) or what’s the deal? I think the only reason I’d leave my DH home for a weekend is if he didn’t want to go, or if it was all women’s retreat or something, kwim? If he wants to come, he’s my partner in life, and I want him there with me


#6

You are not inherently “wrong” to want to go by yourself. Spouses need not be joined at the hip.

I suggest, though, that you discuss the underlying issue with your spouse. Tell him in social situations, he is the more extroverted and dominant spouse and that leaves you tongue-tied. Tell him you want to be able to network with these people w/o the intimidation you feel next to him. He probably has NO idea.


#7

I have gone to several conventions without my husband - he has never offered to go, and I have told him I would feel better if he wasn’t there. Of course, these are conventions of my Sorority and having a shy man around just isn’t my idea (or his) of fun!

Talk it over with him. Maybe he just thinks you want him to go so he is going - or was trying to be excited about it for you. Or he may really want to go and see the town - which is great - he can plan his own agenda. Just let him know the times you two can combine schedules.

Have a great time!


#8

Thanks everyone. Since I posted this I got the schedule and I can see NO time where we could be together. There is a banquet but I’m not sure how one goes if you’re not a part of it all–guess maybe I can find out. Plenty of couples do attend but that’s because they’re both active in the party so it makes sense.

I talked to him about it and I think I did hurt his feelings. The mistake I made was inviting him in the first place, not sure why I did but I’m kinda new to these out-of-town events.

If you all knew how tiny and remote the town is you’d crack up at how slim the likelihood of getting football game tickets is…


#9

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