Is it wrong to work as a nanny for a lesbian couple?

Let me begin by saying I am brand-new to the Catholic Church; I have just begun RCIA classes and attending Mass. That said, it is important to me that I fully reform my life and obey God’s laws.

In this process, I am running into a few dilemmas, as I’m sure everyone does. One of the most pressing is the following: I provide childcare to a few families in my neighborhood. Until recently, everyone who has engaged or attempted to engage my services has been a traditional family. However, seeing how well I worked with the children in my care, some friends of one of the families for whom I work, a lesbian couple who are in the adoption process, tentatively engaged me for the unknown future date when they would receive their child.

This was a few months ago, before I had begun the process of becoming a Catholic. Even at that time, my eyes were open regarding the immorality of homosexuality due to having lived in the San Francisco area for nearly 15 years. However, living here for so long has also caused me to adopt a live-and-let-live attitude about my beliefs; any attitude other than acceptance inspires so much anger and disgust at one’s surroundings that day-to-day life becomes difficult. Therefore, at the time I agreed to work for this couple, I simply viewed it as yet another job - after all, they are nice people, in spite of their lifestyle.

Now, however, I’m wondering whether this decision might not have been a grave mistake. Will I be, in essence, condoning their sin, and expressing tacit support for homosexual adoption, by caring for their adopted son? Or is this instead an opportunity to have a positive influence on a child who might otherwise be raised with only distorted ideas about what is right and what is wrong? I am truly conflicted about this, and welcome all opinions and advice.

Your job description is to watch children, right? You do not sin by watching children of lesbians, unmarried couples, people in second marriages, etc. You are watching the children because they need adult supervision.

See this:

How does one participate in the sin of another person? We sin through another person’s actions by …

  1. counsel

  2. consent

  3. provocation

  4. praise or flattery

  5. concealment

  6. partaking

  7. silence

  8. the defense of the ill done

  9. Counsel: If you tell or advise another person to do something sinful, so that they do it, you have sinned by participation in that person’s sin.

  10. Command: If you have authority over another, and you forced that person to commit something which is sinful, while that person might have mitigated guilt, you don’t.

  11. Consent: If you are asked if you think a sin is good thing to do, and have some power over the situation, and if you permit or approve or yield to the commission of the sin, you’ve sinned.

  12. Provocation: You badger or drive or dare a person to do something such that he does it.

  13. Praise of flattery: Pretty clear. This is another way of prompting a person.

  14. Concealment: A person commits a sin and then you help that person conceal the evidence or the action.

  15. Partaking: Another person is the principal person involved, but you are right there helping the actual sinful deed. For example, a person helping a doctor commit an abortion, a politician helping an aggressive governor or president or speaker of the house drive through recognition of contrary-to-nature “marriage” by providing a vote.

  16. Silence: There is an old adage that “silent implies consent”. If a person with great authority or moral authority is in a position to stop a sin from happening, and yet stays silent and doesn’t get involved, then that may constitute participation in the sin committed. This is trickier to figure out, but it isn’t rocket science. There may be attendant mitigating circumstances, such as the probable invasion of Vatican City, the capture of the Roman Pontiff and destruction of the Church in many places. In the meanwhile one could work quietly. One cannot, however, do nothing. Another point must be considered: the rules governing fraternal correction. It may not be your place to correct another person, depending on the circumstances.

  17. Defense: Pretty clear. You defend or justify or give an apology in favor of the sin committed. This is not the same as what a defense lawyer does in the case of a person who is guilty.


  1. It is a great witnessing opportunity. Jesus hung out with sinners on a regular basis. As Christians, we can’t be afraid to meet people where they are, not where we’d like them to be.

  2. We don’t stop loving people because they are actively sinning. It also matters if the couple is religious or if they aren’t believers. If they aren’t believers, then we can’t hold them to our standards. We are obligated to show why our values are better, but individuals have the choice to change or not. I would have issues if they were believers and still wanted to live that lifestyle and bring a kid into it and have me be their nanny. Since that wasn’t made clear in the post, I think that (maybe) others would want clarification on this point. I know I would have serious reservations about working for the family if they were believers and still wanted to live in a lesbian relationship.

  3. Personally, I’d view it as just another job. Every family has their issues. Are you also going to refuse to care for someone’s child because the mom or dad happens to be single or divorced or remarried? Sadly, not all families aren’t “traditional” one man + one woman for life anymore.

Just some things to think about.

It’s remote material cooperation at best.

I think it would depend on whether you are caring for the child in a day care, in your home, or in *their *home.

In the context of caring for their child among many, I don’t think you’ll be called on to promote their lifestyle or approve of it.

To what age do you care for children? An age where you might have to explain two mommies to other children? I would think at that point you would have to reexamine as you cannot condone such an arrangement.

If it becomes an issue, you can inform them you will not be able to take their child any longer, you need not give reasons.

that is the best answer anybody could give… :thumbsup:

This was very important to myself, Thanks

You are providing a service for your fellow human being. Just because they may live their lives against the belief of the church doesn’t mean that you can’t provide them a service that they need. Help your fellow sinners, just don’t help them sin.

I am who I am because of the strong, devout people who have crossed my paths.

That child is blessed to have you. :hug1:

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