Is kissing a sin?


#1

Last Sunday at church a overheard a group of girls talking about their older sister's relationships. One girl mentioned her sister kisses her boyfriend and another girl said "Oh that's a sin, To kiss before your married." So I was wondering if it's a sin just to kiss a boy before your married? :)


#2

I can’t say that I know for sure, but my instincts tell me that this is a case of over-scrupulosity in action.

–James Chapel


#3

Yes, unless it's a non-passionate peck.

There are a number of sermons on purity issues here that go into the details.


#4

Great sermons. I wish I would have had that knowledge when I was a teenager.


#5

Jesus,our Lords peace be with You.
Dear friend,and sorry for my bad english,if kissing is a sin,I have a lot to confess,because I had some girlfriends back in the 1970 to the begining of 1980,before I married. I think,and I have not look up a ansver from the Catechism,but I know it is not in The Bible,that kissing is not a sin,it will become one if things goes out of hands,but I confess that to. Believe it or not,but I did want to be a priest one day,well,I did not become one and I guess there is one happy Pope in the Vatican. All the best to You,and to be sure,ask Your priest,but I think his ansver will be the same.


#6

This might be a shocker to some on this website, but not only is it not innately sinful to kiss, but in the Bible there are several cases of MEN KISSING MEN. Jesus even gets involved in it.


#7

Yes they’re great stuff.

Though we could’ve learned it from the natural law if only we were good enough, the corrupt world teaches a different story very fervently in its entertainment.

All sins of lust are mortal sins, when the usual conditions apply, consent and knowledge. Near occasions of sins we are also morally required to avoid.

‘You have heard that it was said to them of old: Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.’

Matthew 5:27-28

Condemned: “It is a probable opinion which states that a kiss is only venial when performed for the sake of the carnal and sensible delight which arises from the kiss, if danger of further consent and pollution is excluded.”

Denzinger - Sources of Catholic Dogma, Various Errors on Moral Matters


#8

Anna1430,

It depends on who you listen to.

There are some Christians who are extremely socially conservative and believe that kissing before marriage is a sin. Shin is someone like this. If you respect this kind of Catholicism, then you will believe that kissing is a sin.

The majority of Catholics are not as conservative. I put myself in this camp. Yes, we are still prolife to the core, and we accept all the official teachings of the Catholic Church as spelled out in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. But we are more likely to allow each individual to decide such matters as kissing according to their own conscience, provided that the conscience has been well-formed.

I'm a mother of two daughters who are now 24 and 27, who turned out good. I work with hundreds of teenagers in music and theater settings. I do NOT believe that kissing before marriage is wrong. When a man and woman love each other, it's appropriate to express that love through a kiss until they are married and can participate in the Act of Love without sinning.

I personally believe that teenagers can be in love; my husband and I started dating at age 15, and my daughter, who has been married for a few years now, started dating her husband when she was 14. Therefore, I believe it's permissible for teenagers to kiss.

I think that caution must be practiced, as a kiss can grow into more than a kiss. But I don't believe it is a sin to feel desire for someone that you love (or even think you love). The Bible does not forbid desire, it forbids acting upon that desire.

As for when desire is actually lust--that's difficult to say, especially when someone is inexperienced in matters of love. I do not believe that desire = lust. I know that others DO believe the two are the same.

Again, there is a certain point at which you will have to decide which teachers you will listen to. You don't know me or Shin or any of the people online at CAF. My suggestion is that you seek out an older wise woman in your parish. I hope it is your mother, grandmother, or another relative, but if for some reason it is difficult to communicate with these relatives, then with your mother or father's permission, find an older woman that you know, and that you love and respect, perhaps a teacher in the parish or your parish school. Ask this woman to be your spiritual mentor, and then discuss these issues with her. If you respect and love her, you will listen to her advice rather than someone online that you don't even know.


#9

Ditto. I made a lot of mistakes that I feel sure I wouldn’t have if I had had a good chastity education and if I were properly catechized.


#10

Men kissing men in the Bible is no more than what happens in many countries to this day - it is a common greeting to kiss on each cheek. Your comment is just a distraction from the original question.

Kissing in a male/female relationship between those who are not married to each other can be innocent or it can be a mortal sin. Chaste kissing is fine. Deep kissing (known as french kissing) is a mortal sin. All sins against the 6th Commandment are mortal because of how sacred sex is.


#11

As far as I'm concerned if the Catechism doesn't list it as a mortal sin then it's not. Those who are saying it is a mortal sin are probably being too conservative. Yes its related to the adultary commandment, but it doesn't mean it comes under it. What's next? Looking at another member of the opposite sex? Holding hands? Hugging?

Kissing is a normal way of expression exclusive affection for someone you love. It's not being unchaste.

To the poster above me who said that only certain types of kissing is a sin; that's a certain flaw to your argument. If only certain types of kissing are bad, does not mean only certain types of stealing is bad? Only certain types of sexual intercourse? I wasn't aware we could pick and choose.


#12

But didn’t Jesus say that if you look at someone with lust in your heart you have commited adultery?


#13

[quote="InNeedOfPrayer, post:12, topic:218461"]
But didn't Jesus say that if you look at someone with lust in your heart you have commited adultery?

[/quote]

My understanding though is that lust is different from having feelings for someone. Lust is the desire to commit a sin (or thinking about it), whereas looking at someone with the feeling of love or attraction is not a sin.


#14

[quote="LemonAndLime, post:13, topic:218461"]
My understanding though is that lust is different from having feelings for someone. Lust is the desire to commit a sin (or thinking about it), whereas looking at someone with the feeling of love or attraction is not a sin.

[/quote]

But deep kissing (French kissing) generally leads one into lust rather than chaste love or attraction. I think that's the distinction previous posters are trying to make -- there is a kind of kissing that's absolutely fine for unmarried couples, and there is a kind of kissing that is not.


#15

[quote="Totterman, post:5, topic:218461"]
I have a lot to confess

[/quote]

Go for it!


#16

We learn that kissing before you're married being a sin in more than one way. There are several ways one can find this out.

We can learn this through the teachings of the Church.. we can learn this through natural law.. There are many ways.

All lust is a mortal sin, with the conditions applying for it. All of what are called 'near occasions of mortal sin' are obligatory to avoid, and not avoiding near occasions of sin that are obligatory to avoid becomes sinful in and of itself.

More souls go to Hell for sins of the flesh than any other sins, this we are told on more than one occasion, so it's a problem, and a widespread excused problem that people are not taking seriously because they want to excuse past behavior, I often tend to think.

Directly, stirring up the passions involved in the marital act, outside of marriage, is a mortal sin. This is unchanging Church teaching. A young couple especially, taking chances -- a near occasion of sin, often mortal sins of negligence in restraint.

This is one way we know it is a sin.

The natural law clearly makes the case against it as well however, clearly written in the heart -- as anyone can understand that if you passionately kiss someone you are not married to and later marry someone else, that person would be upset watching what you were doing previously.

In other words, if the kiss is something different than you'd give your mother, father, sister or brother.. if it's something that would trouble your husband or wife seeing you give to someone else.. it's a problem.. though if you're shameless that too is a problem, and that happens nowadays quickly as the natural law is obscured by habitual sin.

That's the natural law speaking there above, so if you search your heart and pray you should be able to find it.

People should be more careful. They want to be, but quickly they go too far and are upset about it, and don't realize the restraint they shoudl've had because of temptation -- and then, they rewrite history so it's OK so they can have special memories instead of something else.

People being out of wedlock are forbidden to stir up any passion meant for marital relations -- with the person you will later marry or not -- and supposed to be guarding the heart for one person after marriage, not giving it away before as most do, again and again.

It's an obscured by corruption issue, rather like how lust can happen within marriage and not just outside of it.

That society is morally corrupt right now about this -- it isn't always and there've been plenty of times when everyone knew this and people preserved themselves for their spouse and for the Lord.

'A lustful look is less than a touch, a caress or a kiss. But according to Matthew 5:28, "Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart." Much more therefore are lustful kisses and other like things mortal sins. . . Wherefore since fornication is a mortal sin, and much more so the other kinds of lust, it follows that in such like sins not only consent to the act but also consent to the pleasure is a mortal sin.'

St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church

'. . . every time someone with sufficient reflection and full consent of the will delights in carnal or sensual pleasure associated with to whom he is not married he commits a mortal sin. This is not only true with kisses but also with respect to other touches performed for carnal pleasure. The reason is that any delight taken in carnal pleasure, that is to say any delight taken in stirring up the appetites which surround the creative power, is a movement towards the martial act.'

St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori, Doctor of the Church

'All sexual pleasure outside marriage, alone or with others, that is directly willed or desired, intentionally procured or permitted, is a MORTAL SIN. Therefore, it is grievously sinful in the unmarried to think, say or do anything with the intention of arousing even the smallest degree of sensual pleasure.'

Fr. L.G. Lovasik


#17

Whenever anyone asks "Is X or Y sinful" remember that we here on the this site are not probably not priests, some are over scrupulous, some are delusional, and others are simply in total denial of what is healthy and what is not. So take what everyone says with a grain of salt. If your really curious about what is or is not sinful, talk to a priest.

My opinion-(and it's just that) is of course it's not sinful. It's an innocent expression of affection.

Of course, virtually anything can be sinful (if you spend 24 hours a day in church and neglect your family, yourself and loved ones, that's sinful too), but this activity isn't.


#18

It is not that simple. The Catechism can not list every type of sin or give specific boundaries where something becomes sinful. Instead, the Catechism hopes to develop in the reader a better formed conscience based upon morality. This brief article gives a good summary.

Remember that there are no loop holes. Whatever is in the person’s heart is known to God.


#19

But isn’t even kissing after marriage a sin?! Because if you kiss your wife/husband, you desire them?! How dare people have desire for things!

Married people are only allowed to hold hands 3.25674 seconds a day, must keep eyes averted at all times, and sleep in two different zip codes while wearing chastity belts. Sex is only allowed on the 2nd Wednesday of every third February at exactly 11:34 am, and only allowed for the purpose of procreation. If a baby doesn’t result from that, then it is a mortal sin. :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

[quote="Shin, post:16, topic:218461"]
We learn that kissing before you're married being a sin in more than one way. There are several ways one can find this out.

We can learn this through the teachings of the Church.. we can learn this through natural law.. There are many ways.

All lust is a mortal sin, with the conditions applying for it. All of what are called 'near occasions of mortal sin' are obligatory to avoid, and not avoiding near occasions of sin that are obligatory to avoid becomes sinful in and of itself.

More souls go to Hell for sins of the flesh than any other sins, this we are told on more than one occasion, so it's a problem, and a widespread excused problem that people are not taking seriously because they want to excuse past behavior, I often tend to think.

Directly, stirring up the passions involved in the marital act, outside of marriage, is a mortal sin. This is unchanging Church teaching. A young couple especially, taking chances -- a near occasion of sin, often mortal sins of negligence in restraint.

This is one way we know it is a sin.

The natural law clearly makes the case against it as well however, clearly written in the heart -- as anyone can understand that if you passionately kiss someone you are not married to and later marry someone else, that person would be upset watching what you were doing previously.

In other words, if the kiss is something different than you'd give your mother, father, sister or brother.. if it's something that would trouble your husband or wife seeing you give to someone else.. it's a problem.. though if you're shameless that too is a problem, and that happens nowadays quickly as the natural law is obscured by habitual sin.

That's the natural law speaking there above, so if you search your heart and pray you should be able to find it.

People should be more careful. They want to be, but quickly they go too far and are upset about it, and don't realize the restraint they shoudl've had because of temptation -- and then, they rewrite history so it's OK so they can have special memories instead of something else.

People being out of wedlock are forbidden to stir up any passion meant for marital relations -- with the person you will later marry or not -- and supposed to be guarding the heart for one person after marriage, not giving it away before as most do, again and again.

It's an obscured by corruption issue, rather like how lust can happen within marriage and not just outside of it.

That society is morally corrupt right now about this -- it isn't always and there've been plenty of times when everyone knew this and people preserved themselves for their spouse and for the Lord.

'A lustful look is less than a touch, a caress or a kiss. But according to Matthew 5:28, "Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart." Much more therefore are lustful kisses and other like things mortal sins. . . Wherefore since fornication is a mortal sin, and much more so the other kinds of lust, it follows that in such like sins not only consent to the act but also consent to the pleasure is a mortal sin.'

St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church

'. . . every time someone with sufficient reflection and full consent of the will delights in carnal or sensual pleasure associated with to whom he is not married he commits a mortal sin. This is not only true with kisses but also with respect to other touches performed for carnal pleasure. The reason is that any delight taken in carnal pleasure, that is to say any delight taken in stirring up the appetites which surround the creative power, is a movement towards the martial act.'

St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori, Doctor of the Church

'All sexual pleasure outside marriage, alone or with others, that is directly willed or desired, intentionally procured or permitted, is a MORTAL SIN. Therefore, it is grievously sinful in the unmarried to think, say or do anything with the intention of arousing even the smallest degree of sensual pleasure.'

Fr. L.G. Lovasik

[/quote]

You are right to caution against carelessness and right to argue for our duty to avoid the near occasion of sin. Since the prevailing fault is so far in the other direction, I almost hesitate to reply.

Having said that: This argues that kissing a woman with whom marriage is a possibility before you actually marry her is a sin, per se. This is not true. I would argue that it is possible for a couple to allow themselves chaste-but-decidedly-hetersexual kisses. Two standards must be met (and this is my opinion). One is that the act does not elicit lust, in and of itself. By that, I meant the objectification for the other person, not the existence of legitimate sexual desire. (That is: I wish I were married to you now rather than I wish I could do X Y or Z with you now.) The other is that the act does not put the couple at greater risk to falling. If they submit to being chaperoned, then I would argue that is taken care of.

But no: If it isn't a kiss you'd let her father watch you give her, don't do it.

My point is that you have raised the bar for avoiding the near occasion to such a height that if the standard were applied to other capital sins, we could hardly leave the house.....or the confessional.


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