Is marriage going stale inevitable?


#1

It seems to me, both by looking at my parents (who seem to be in a business partnership rather than a marriage) and other’s, and just in general, that marriages go stale, and I want to know, is it true?
Of course love matures and its more than an emotion, but I’d still like to be pushing 60 and dolling out kisses and cuddling on the couch. Or am I stupid?

Thanks :blush:


#2

Given what we know about the sacramental bond that is marriage, I honestly doubt that the institution itself is doomed to complacency and staleness. A healthy marriage will not be that way, no matter the age.

Now the problem is finding a good example of a “healthy marriage.” :shrug:


#3

You are not stupid, and no, it is not true. My wife and I have been married 21 years and we still kissy-face and cuddle and tease and hug and laugh and enjoy each other. Of course, it is not the same now as it was when we were in our 20’s. The marriage relationship grows and matures - the way we love each other now is deeper and fuller than it was and will continue to grow, God willing, until we are called home.

Marriage is a life-long commitment of love and work. Unfortunately, way too many married couples today don’t see it that way and don’t want to invest the time to make their marriage stronger.

Want to re-vitalize your parents? Send them on a weekend:
www.wwme.org


#4

Don’t be silly:D ! My grandparents were married for over 40 years and devoted to eachother, my uncle and aunt got to 43 years of marriage before my uncle died and I remember how close they were! My own parents had a very happy marriage until my dad’s death, my in-laws are still holding hands and gazing into eachothers eyes after almost 47 years together as a married couple (51 years together including their courtship!) and my own marriage is after 7 years showing no signs of going stale!

BUT: you get out of it what you put into it!!! You can’t take eachother for granted! But, yes a lifelong loveaffair with lots of cuddles and all the rest is possible:thumbsup:

Anna x


#5

Stale? No way! Well, OK, I guess it really depends on the person, BUT, speaking for my wife and I, married 19 years this year, I can honestly say that things have gotten even better over time. :smiley:

We still do all those things we did way back when, and even some new stuff ;), and I truly find that as each year passes, we grow even closer.

I am honestly looking forward to the next 20+ years with as much fervor as the past 20! :smiley:


#6

I think it has to do with how much you put into it. I like to attribute it to our (dh & my) bullheadedness (I’d like to think it is good for something-lol). When the man treats the woman like his own body, and the woman does the same for him where can you go wrong? When you stand by your vows (I mean live, breathe & feel them), where can you go wrong?

We have been married 18 years (19 yrs this July) and I still get woozy when dh comes up behind me at the kitchen sink and wraps his arms around me…spins me around…and plants one right on my kisser…the “keep it G rated, puuuhleeeeeze!” from our teenagers is just an added bonus!

And we still like to play kissy face while going thru the car wash…so no I don’t think marriages are doomed to become stale.

I pray that God will send you a wife and make you the man that will prove your theory wrong.


#7

Depending on the age and background of the parents in question, you may be reading more into your observations than they deserve. For whole generations of people, anythign more than a peck on the cheek as they went out the door in fornt of others would have been anathema! The touchy stuff is reserved for when your kids or vistors have left. Just because you see an amiable relationship and no kissy face doesn’t mean there isn’t some goign on when you aren’t watching. Properly raised people just didn’t do that. Keep a respectful distance apart at all times, and no body to body touching, excpet maybe on the hand.


#8

To add on here, regardless of age - some people are not into "PDA"s. While I am will hug and give a peck in front of others, both I and DH would be very uncomfortable “making out” in front of any other human being. We did not do it when we were dating, when we were married, or now two decades into it. There is one couple in our circle who are always grabby and kissy face and frankly, all the rest of the group find it rather odd.

Sure, passion does ebb and flow over the years, it is a cycle.

Just because YOU do not see fireworks does not mean the relationship is stale.

There is an old saying - still water runs deep.


#9

boy oh boy, I guess I better clarify. IN the car IN the car wash, not visible to others, no one but us in car


#10

Marriages only go stale if the people involved choose to let them.

You can’t tell anything about how a marriage is from the public face the couple puts on it. Some of the most functional looking people are the ones dealing with addiction and abuse at home, and some of the least affectionate looking are the ones rockin’ their bedframes every chance they get! :wink:

DH and I have been together for 15, married for almost 11, and we are still passionately in love. We plan to still be passionate in our 90s when we get there.

And I agree with a PP… when we lock lips and our kids go “eeeeeeew!” that makes it twice as fun. :smiley:


#11

It will if you think all you have to do is say I do and the rest just takes care of itself.

We worked at our marriage and it is awesome. Hubby’s my bestfriend, we’re romantic, cuddly, silly…we’re still having a blast 17 years later. :bounce:


#12

not stupid, possibly unobservant. Many of us pushing 60 were taught that PDAs do not happen in public, or even in the living room.


#13

We’ve been married 22 years and yes, the fireworks still go off! We are as deeply in love now as when we first married - probably even more so after our years together.


#14

Nope, doesn’t have to. If there are problems in a marriage, they CAN be fixed! You can get help at www.retrouvaille.org It made our marriage much stronger, and we are a lot happier now than we were even as newlyweds. :slight_smile:


#15

My parents, married nineteen years, still kiss each other goodbye. My dad has really sweet nicknames for my mom. He also has this habit of kissing her, a lot, JUST to make me and my other siblings go “EWWWW!!” sigh :rolleyes:


#16

No, it is much sweeter 10 1/2 years later.

One, we are older, wiser, and a lot more mature… As opposed to being selfish, ‘it’s all about me’, selfish and selfish! (we got married young :wink: )

Two, we have been through a lot together, and that has been very unifying. We learned that rotten things can happen, but we’ll get through it, we’ll smile again, and we keep loving each other.

Three, after so many years, you have surely messed up in some way at least once, and now you know that your spouse will forgive you, will forget it, and will keep loving you! :cool: That feels great!

Four, now you have a lot of practice and knowledge about what makes your spouse feel like a million bucks! So it is easy, familiar, and reciprocated.

Love is sweet, and like a fine wine, gets much better with age! I am 33, and looking forward to it getting better and better! People we knew when we were dating say that we seem just as “in love” now as then… Funny because I know better, now we have gold that has been tested by fire!


#17

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