Is my child "out of wedlock"?


#1

Hi. I got pregnant before we were married. We had to wait 9 months to get married because we were waiting for his annulment. So now we have been married for 5 years and have 3 more children. I keep hearing about the spiritual ramifications of out of wedlock children and I am very concerned for my oldest. We are a deeply committed, practicing Catholic family and are raising our kids in a great, loving home.
My concern lies in her attitudes toward the Lord and her health. She continually has small health issues that we cant pinpoint or get rid of…chronic hives, speech issues, very itchy skin. Then we pray and pray and pray with no relief and so now she feels like “Jesus doesnt hear her prayers because He never helps her”. This is so heartbreaking for me to hear but I cant explain why only she has these issues and not the other kids. If I sound crazy, feel free to tell me but I am wondering if there is something spiritual going on and if there is, how do I help her? This is my baby and her coming “early” certainly wasnt her fault. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.


#2

I think it is great that you are persevering in prayer. It might not feel good right now, but when your oldest grows up and has adult problems she will be able to remember the hours mommy and daddy spent praying and trust me (speaking from experience), it is a great memory to have.

It is hard enough for adults to understand why God doesn’t answer our prayers, I doubt a kid could ever get it. Perhaps change how you pray. Instead of ‘God please make my skin stop itching’ say something like "God, you know how bad this itchy skin bugs me, I would love for you to take it away but if it isn’t your will, please give me the strength to bear it’

As for her being conceived out of wedlock. If you and your husband have gone to confession, there is no more you can do about it. Forgive yourself

Hope that helps

CM


#3

Legally, when the impediment to a civil marriage is removed, if the couple had married before this, the marriage date reverts to that date of the marriage and it is a valid marriage even though it took place while there was an impediment to it. I am not sure if this is the rule under canon law.


#4

[quote="vsmom, post:1, topic:185802"]
Hi. I got pregnant before we were married. We had to wait 9 months to get married because we were waiting for his annulment. So now we have been married for 5 years and have 3 more children. I keep hearing about the spiritual ramifications of out of wedlock children and I am very concerned for my oldest. We are a deeply committed, practicing Catholic family and are raising our kids in a great, loving home.
My concern lies in her attitudes toward the Lord and her health. She continually has small health issues that we cant pinpoint or get rid of...chronic hives, speech issues, very itchy skin. Then we pray and pray and pray with no relief and so now she feels like "Jesus doesnt hear her prayers because He never helps her". This is so heartbreaking for me to hear but I cant explain why only she has these issues and not the other kids. If I sound crazy, feel free to tell me but I am wondering if there is something spiritual going on and if there is, how do I help her? This is my baby and her coming "early" certainly wasnt her fault. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.

[/quote]

I am not aware of any "spiritual ramifications" for an out of wedlock child. The Child committed no sin by being born and I cannot see our Dear Lord punishing such a child in this way.

As to her concern about Jesus not hearing her prayers etc, I suggest a different tack. It may be that Jesus has very special plans for her. It may well be that she is highly favored by Jesus. These problems may be, not a punishment, but "training" so that she will be strong in her faith and in her Love for Jesus.

Of course there is also the idea of "offering up" our suffering for the, "poor souls in purgatory". That is what my mother would tell us to do. This way your little one, instead of feeling helpless and abandoned and unheard, can feel empowered to do good with with her troubles. Children can be quite powerful in this way for their prayers are pure.

I'm not well up on the various saints and their afflictions but I would bet that there are examples of saints who suffered as children from diseases, deprivation and so forth. There may even be books available, geared toward children, that might help explain some of this.

Hope some of this helps.

Peace
James


#5

Yes there are consiquences to OUR sinful actions. My husband and I got pregnant before we were married. i was 5 months along when we got married. I would still consider that having a child out of wedlock. we both confessed our sins and where forgiven. BUT there were consiquences. i suffered depression, we were separated because of his work, it was a hard first year. But if the baby would have had health issues i would never have thought it was because of how she was concieved. I just dont think it works like that. plenty of legitamate children have health issues. I would continue to pray, and teach your child about Jesus’ sufferings. we have to lift it all up for the lord. hard to do, harder to teach, but a beautiful life lesson though.


#6

[quote="vsmom, post:1, topic:185802"]
I keep hearing about the spiritual ramifications of out of wedlock children and I am very concerned for my oldest.

[/quote]

Wait.....what do you keep hearing? What are the ramifications? I am kind of interested in this....


#7

Can. 1139 Illegitimate children are legitimated by the subsequent valid or putative marriage of their parents or by a rescript of the Holy See.

Means if you marry after the child is born, your child is legitimate under canon law.


#8

If the annulment went through, your marriage is valid and you've been to Confession you are all good.

Your child has chronic illness. STOP LOOKING FOR WAYS TO BLAME YOURSELF OR MAKE IT YOUR FAULT. The Lord is mysterious, not mean.


#9

you are married now so there is no issue with this regard. you have long since I am sure confessed and have been absolved of any sin that arose out of this situation. It is over. done.

There is no connection between any health or other problems this child has and the circumstances surrounding your birth. Anyone who is suggesting this is malicious. Be aggressive in getting the medical and other professional help she needs, and equally agressive in making sure all the children are educated in the Faith and brought to the sacraments. Introduce her to saints, Therese and Bernadette are two who come to mind immediately, but there are hundreds, who became closer to Jesus through there earthly sufferings and ill health.


#10

Why does it matter if the child was born out of wedlock? Is it their fault?

Their sickness has nothing to do with it.

I have a dog in the fight-I was born to a single mom and put up for adoption. Being out of wedlock has never, ever bothered me. It's totally irrelevant.

Blaming a child for how they where brought in this world is so sickening that it's rather amusing. In the past, when cruel things where done to children because of that, it was more of a deterrent to other people not to have sex out of marraige. I've read that sometimes kids born that way couldn't do X or Y-it's sick, and anyone who held kids back because of that will be held accountable by God.

Now though, it doesn't matter.

I'm getting off my soap box now. :)


#11

This only applies if the couple applies for a Radical Sanation. In the standard convalidation, the convalidation date is the date of the valid marriage.

All disease and sickness in this world is due to sin in the world.

Find a good doctor. I will pray for your daughter’s health.


#12

Thank you all very much for your quick and kind replies! I feel so much better. You know when youre at your wits end and are grasping for answers. Probably where I am at. I heard twice on KLOVE…“and of course there are spiritual ramifications for children born out of wedlock”. I got the impression that maybe there was less grace afforded these kids…sounds crazy I know. Just freaked me out a little bit. And then about sin going down to several generations. I just worry and want my kids to have the best. I do feel a lot better so thank you again. We will keep praying and I will seek the intercession of St. Therese and Bernadette. :slight_smile:


#13

[quote="vsmom, post:12, topic:185802"]
I heard twice on KLOVE...."and of course there are spiritual ramifications for children born out of wedlock". I got the impression that maybe there was less grace afforded these kids...sounds crazy I know.

[/quote]

Protestant prosperity gospel gobbledy gook.

Listen to CATHOLIC radio - much better for your soul. :thumbsup:

If you do not have a local station, you can listen online

(www.ewtn.com, avemariaradio.net or google "Immaculate Heart Radio", USCCB and Vatican and sqpn podcasts...)

OR get Satellite Radio:thumbsup::thumbsup:


#14

[quote="SophiaLector, post:8, topic:185802"]
. The Lord is mysterious, not mean.

[/quote]

I LOVE that. So true.


#15

[quote="vsmom, post:12, topic:185802"]
Thank you all very much for your quick and kind replies! I feel so much better. You know when youre at your wits end and are grasping for answers. Probably where I am at. I heard twice on KLOVE...."and of course there are spiritual ramifications for children born out of wedlock". I got the impression that maybe there was less grace afforded these kids...sounds crazy I know. Just freaked me out a little bit. And then about sin going down to several generations. I just worry and want my kids to have the best. I do feel a lot better so thank you again. We will keep praying and I will seek the intercession of St. Therese and Bernadette. :)

[/quote]

KLOVE has some good music.. but I turn them off when they start to talk.

Children are ALWAYS a blessing from the Lord. I hope your daughter feels better soon. God bless her sweet little soul.


#16

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