Is my sister lying or she is living in some sort of illusion?


#1

Until 4 years ago my sister was dating boys, she had posters of Backstreet Boys in her room and was crazy about Nick Carter.4 years ago she met a girl, they left to London and later on i found out that they are living togheter like girlfriends. It took me some time to get used to the idea that there is nothing I can do about it but lately I feel that my sister is acting weird.

When I found out about her she asked not to tell her girlfriend that she had boys before her. I told her its not my bussiness and also if the girl asks me i will tell her my sister’s sexual life is not my bussiness. However lately when i talk to her she is talking as if she was always atracted to girls and she says that she was virgin when meeting her girlfriend. She contacted my husband on the internet to tell him that she was never ever atracted to a boy and that she is still a virgin since she slept only with her girlfriend.

We were a littel pissed off. I mean, come on, you can lie to your girlfriend but what is the point of telling us these lies, we know the truth. She said she is not liying now, she was lying before. She is a virgin and she was never atracted to any boy.

Last summer she comes back from London to a so called visit to my parents. They are ignorant of the real relashionship and they were happy to see her after 4 years. They find out that they came only because my sister’s girlfriend needed to fix some papers in our hometown. My sister doesn’t even sleep at my parents house. She took all her lugguages to her girlfriends parents and they stay there the whole week while they were in their
hometown. My parents were confused and sad, they were crying. I tried to talk to her but she said that she has her life and can’t be seppareted one day from the love of her life. She said she is an adult and that she will not let my parents control her. I asked her how are they controling you, because they want to spend some time with you after 4 years. And most of all you want to keep the fact that you are a lesbian a secret from my parents, then sleeping at her place is not a very intelligent way to do it. She said I don’t understand. She is an adult and she will not let herself controlled by her parents. My parents tried to go and talk to her or they called to this girls house. But then
my sister was angry. How dare they follow her, she is an adult, how dare they disturb the mother of the girl who is such a nice person.

After this week they went in holidays in Portugal. This was disturbing to me because I had my wedding last summer and she said she coudn’t come because they will not give her permission to go on holiday at work. She was not able to come to my wedding but she was able to go to Portugal with her girlfriend. I asked her again why she didn’t come to my wedding, was is because of the grilfriend. She said no, they didn’t let me at work.

The last thing that happened was today. We were talking about my birthday in february and that maybe we will come and visit her in London, my husband and I. And from word to word she tells me she is 27 years old. We were a little confused. She is born in 1982 so a small calculus in our mind and we said you must be 28. No she is 27. We both counted the years on our fingers and still 28. She still dissagreed. So i wrote down the years and age like 83-1,84-2…2010-28 and send her in a mail. The reply was “I am
27 like my girlfriend.”

I am starting to feel that she is living in some sort of ilusional world or that her girlfriend is somehow controling her. Or that she repeats some things to herselfs until she really believes it and they become truths in her mind.


#2

If she used to know how old she is and all of a sudden has changed her mind about it, then I’d be concerned about that part.

The Backstreet Boys and Nick Carter thing is not significant in my opinion though. Popular culture, of which the Backstreet Boys are a prime example, promotes false ideas of love, masculinity and man. So even if she used to think that she was in love with a celebrity it’s quite likely that she was only in love with a product of the industry and her own imagination. It does not prove anything, in my opinion.

Is your sister a practicing Christian, and if so of what denomination? Is she a Catholic?

Also, if I may say so, perhaps you could forgive and forget things that you find to be insulting or suspicious of that, such as your sister not attending your wedding. If you want to influence your sister then I suppose that the first and fundamental thing is to care about her regardless of whether she’s with a girl or not. Just to put things in perspective, I don’t see how willfully living in sin with a boyfriend would be better.


#3

OK the Backstreet Boys don’t prove anything. But she had boys in her life, real boys which she presented to me, which she told me she had relashionsips in the past and now she is dening it.

I care about my sister and the things that bothers me is not the fact that she lives with a girl. I have get used to the idea. The thing that most upset me what behaviour towards my parents and her lies. The way she treated them, the way they cried, how sad they still are. The fact that she deosn’t ell them to truth. Whether she come to my wedding or not, that’s not important. Whether she lies about her age is also not important. But to treat our parents the way she did was an important thing to me. They just wanted to see her, spend time with her. And i don’t know what changed her, what made her behave towards them like that, shout at them, hurt them and not care about it. Her behaviour in my oppinion was like that of an angry teenager. Teenagers ussually cry about parents trying to control their lives.

I never said i don’t love my sister, I love her that is why sometimes she worries me. I am not angry she did not come to the wedding. I am more scared of the reson. Was she scared to come? Why? I never told her anything bad and i never said anything against her
decision.

My sister is Orthodox, about practising i really don’t know. I doubt because she has feelings of hatred towards all priests in general. But i think she belives in God.

I don’t want to influence her and I don’t tell her anything about her lifestile. I want her to tell the truth and i want her to go and visit my parents, spend some time with them, make them happy a little. Since she met that girl i have never seen or heard her speak of any other friends. It’s like they are living in a buble and separated from the world. She told me that she doesn’t care about anybody and anything.


#4

I wouldn’t have a clue what it’s about, but it’s sad, yes, of course.


#5

Wow, that's a very strange situation and I'm not really sure whether there's anything you can do to help other than pray, particularly if she lives overseas now and only comes home every few years.

My best guess is that she is like many women who get so attached to their significant others that they are willing to change who they are, lie to themselves, and do things they never thought they would ever do in order to keep the relationship going. I know I did that with my college boyfriend. When the relationship ended, it was like I got snapped back to reality and became my real self again. I hope that is what happens with your sister.


#6

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