Is online dating advisable?


#1

Is online dating advisable?

You could give reasons for or against (online dating) and maybe personal experience in brief.


#2

I am sure this is an entirely generational bias but anything less romantic and more fraught with danger is hard for me to imagine


#3

Using dating sites that match on interests can give you better odds than meeting someone in real life.

You shouldn’t date someone who lives far away though, if the person lives close enough for you to meet them regularly then I’d say meeting online is better than in real life simply because you would be accessing a greater pool of potential partners.

But if they live far away, it’s just going to lead to the pain of long distance relationships. Unless they are this super special, amazing person it’s better not to go for people who are far away.


#4

The reasons why I think online dating isn’t advisable are:

  • online dating with the aim of searching for a spouse is something I believe singles should not be doing. People generally don’t search for friends per se and I believe friendship should precede good relationships that should lead to marriage.
  • it might decrease social skills (like face-to-face communication).
  • it hides personal faults. You choose what information you disclose and what pictures you share.
  • it hides physical appearance and body language
  • attitude, manners and behaviour are all hidden
  • people are one thing online and another thing in reality

Some of my views + those of Jason Evert (Catholic apologist)


#5

The idea would be you would access a much larger number of people on a dating site like e-Harmony, but you don’t date them online, you meet them in real life and date them.

It’s just hard to meet such a variety of people in real life, and also while e-Harmony might ask them a whole bunch of questions about their personality straight forwardly, in real life you would have to take the time to find out.


#6

I’ve tried it, and I didn’t much like it. For one thing I don’t live in a major city so I never really found anyone in my area, and e-mail dating gets you no where fast. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, but I believe it’s the exception and not the rule. And I think it’s too easy not to get to know someone – there’s always someone better at the next click of the mouse, so to speak. It’s also harder to really get to know someone without seeing them face to face; and if you’re across the country, it’s not reasonable. Even if the relationship develops, it’s not really going to go anywhere unless one moves to the other’s city to have a real dating relationship. And then if it doesn’t work out, one has left everything – friends, job, church community, et cetera – and are now living in a place where they might not have ever chosen to live.


#7

Puzzleannie has it right. I have had to listen to numerous sad stories about people that engaged in this type of dating.

I recommend putting online dating to rest - RIP.

Take up in-line dating. You meet real partners when waiting in line for the Sacrament of Penance. I know this is not the best place to strike up a conversation or exercise your latest and greatest pickup line. However, this is where the great souls reside.

If you want a joy-filled life and heaven at the end, get a partner that will at least help.


#8

Yes, it’s advisable. You have the same chance of meeting good/bad people in “real life” and online. I’ve met some real “winners” while out with friends, through mutual friends, etc. I’ve met maybe one nice guy in the real world that I’m still friends with. I’ve met some nice guys online that I didn’t feel a connection with, and one that fit into the “real winner” category previously mentioned. Nowadays you have to take precautions in all dating situations, anyway. In my busy life filled with work, family, and other stuff to do, who has time to go out and wait around to meet people? It’s much easier to go online and access people you know are single, then take the chance to get to know them.


#9

I'm not in the market, and never have been but I have mixed feelings about it.

My 25 year old son did this, and now has been going out with his wonderful girlfriend for 2 years now. She's a great great "girl" who has a good head on her shoulders, but then so does he. I hope this becomes a marriage match, because we all see that they are made for each other.

My son suggested to my brother that maybe it would work for him, and now he's on girlfriend number 2 of online dating... both of which he saw in person. The thing is, he definitely doesn't have a good head on his shoulders. This is not a good thing for my brother or "his match" to get into... let me just say that really, he should stay single until he grows up enough to know what a real relationship entails.

I think in order for online meeting, both parties have to be serious and honest about their wants. You have lots of discerning to do to judge whether the other person is really honest and serious about what they want. Both parties also need to be emotionally mature.

At the top of CA, didn't I see an ad for a Catholic Dating Service? Now, if you're both serious and honest about your faith, maybe that service might work?


#10

I didn't answer the poll because I think it isn't worded well.

Online dating can be great, IF it is done well. There are pros and cons of both ways, but the cons of online dating can be mostly eliminated by simple choices. It is a relatively new arena therefore it has this "taboo" attached to it that is unfortunate. I find it actually a more sensible and "romantic" way than by a chance meeting.

When one is serious about finding their spouse for their vocation, doesn't it make sense that they have filters on the people that could be considered for it? That can happen through friends, sure, but then there are lots of hurt feelings if it doesn't work out that go both ways with the friendships. There's a multitude of other "cons" of meeting in person wihtout a filter has that are non-existent with online dating.

First, assuming that we are talking about Catholic spouse seeking...

When I first meet someone at church, I have no idea where they stand on moral issues. I don't have a desire to enter into a relationship with someone, even for a short period and invest time and feelings only to find out they are not in agreement on moral issues.

I realize that people online might lie, not represent themselves accurately, etc...but so can someone in person. However, understanding there is caution, one can go forward with:

Online dating pros: Filter. Answers about their beliefs are there in their profile. It is a catalyst for conversations to find out exactly how in depth these beliefs are held, and those can happen right away as they are already answered somewhat.

--It's merely an avenue for introduction. There are so many Catholics in my city that I haven't met or know anyone that knows them. But this is all it is...a way to shake hands. Talk as soon as possible, meet as soon as possible. People did shake hands and meet before typing lots of little messages to each other first. The last several dates I have had with locals are one email, one brief chat, one phone conversation, meet at a public place. One lasted 5 months, and it didnt' work out because of reasons that are common, not because it was "online meeting".

-Fr. Corapi said that if he were called to marriage, he would search the world to find his spouse as that is who will get him to heaven. Long distance, although more irritating and has more sacrifices, can and do work when there is an end in sight. Especially in this day with skype, free long distance, and technology to keep communication speedy.

Cautions of online dating: keeping on the typing/telephone too long without meeting first. One fills the imagination with the blanks very easily. This issue is eliminated by meeting early on.

I believe that online dating may become the preferred method of meeting a spouse as it shows care and high standards for choosing a spouse, rather than just to chance.


#11

Yes, I believe if a person is comfortable with using the internet to meet new people that there isn't anything wrong with that. Back in 2004, a Christian contacted me via a Christian forum and we became good friends--- he introduced me to his college roommate and his roommate and I became best friends. Over a year and a half, we became close and eventually we made plans for him to come visit me during his college spring break. We had a wonderful week together and a few weeks later he asked if we could begin dating. We had a long distance relationship for a few years and back in November he moved out to where I live.

I would recommend that a couple that meets online take it slowly and not rush in to things--- especially if there is a great distance between them (my boyfriend lived in MI and I am in NJ). Build up a strong friendship first and then work on any romantic feelings that may be there.


#12

It was completely by chance (or God’s will) that I met my boyfriend (and future husband) online. We spent a year and a half getting to know one another before deciding to date— although feelings were there a long time before we both said “yes” to dating. Just like with any other relationship, both people need to put in the TIME and communicate well with one another. I knew everything about Sean before we met face-to-face because we had spend a good deal covering many different topics, we knew what the other looked like (we love Skype), and we both shared what was going on in our lives.

I don’t think a person necessarily needs to meet the other right away and in cases that may be impossible to do. I feel that people should make the decision to meet once they truly know one another-- only then should two people try to make the decision to date. Then again, my definition of dating is different than most people today: you should only date someone you could possibly see yourself marrying.


#13

If a person is of faith, he or she should take it into consideration to choose a dating site that is faith-based. While I didn’t use a dating service, I did meet my boyfriend through a friend I met at a Christian site. I know people may lie about being a Christian at the dating sites, but that should be a conversation you have early on when getting to know someone and it should be rather easy to determine if they are or are not a practicing Christian.


#14

Some of us live in the exact middle of nowhere, where there isn’t any place to meet people, and the best you could do is hope to accidentally run into someone in line at the bank, and pray to God he happens to be perfect for you.

Yeah, fat chance.

I’m ALL for internet dating. Two of my very best friends, I met online. Then we started writing read letters, then telephone calls, video calls, and now we’re planning to meet. Why can’t internet dating bring the same?


#15

I think it's a possible way to meet someone. If you decided to meet a possible mate online, you have to be willing to move.... don't forget, this is just my personal opinion.

I don't think that you can have a long term dating relationship whilst living thousands of miles away from the other person.

I think emailing or speaking to someone on the phone is a good start, a way to get to know someone without being hugely influenced by looks.
If you can't meet someone and be with them for at least a weekend a month (not together "that" way, just spend time together!) then you live too far away. If someone has the cash and can afford to fly every month, then I guess that would work as well.
I'm in my 50's now, and I've been a widow since I was 28. I was too busy to date much while raising my 2 boys, but have dated several gentlemen over the years and I have met them in different ways. Online, on the phone, at work, at church, blind dates, online dating service etc. and so forth. And while I had some great meals and some great conversation, I never met that one that made me want to get serious.

I would love to met someone who I could spend my retirement years with. Believe it or not,at this age (for me anyhow) it's more difficult and more frustrating to be single. Most of my friends are retiring and they are traveling with their spouses and it's lonely being a family of one. :)


#16

It has its pros and cons. But I truly believe God will use what ever channel is possible for potential spouses to meet, and sometimes its done through online dating. I think you just have to be smart and understand the limitations of the cyber world when trying to find a mate online. Realize that just talking online does not replace how you discern a mate in the real world, face to face.


#17

Define “online dating”.

My opinion?

Using an online dating site as a way to find people, being able (to some extent) to pre-screen characteristics and marital status ahead of time = a good idea.

Using an online dating site as a way to avoid real interaction, having an entire relationship online, leaping straight into dating before meeting in person and becoming friends = a bad idea

:shrug:

I’ve met several people, male and female, after first finding them online. It is my hope that, someday, perhaps one of those (male) friendships will turn into a relationship. Why should stumbling into someone online be any different then stumbling into them at church?? :confused:


#18

[quote="TraderTif, post:17, topic:197677"]

Using an online dating site as a way to avoid real interaction, having an entire relationship online, leaping straight into dating before meeting in person and becoming friends = a bad idea

:

[/quote]

:shrug: How does one date before meeting in person?


#19

:stuck_out_tongue: I don’t understand it either, but I’ve had friends of mine claim to be “dating” people that they’ve never met.

I’ve even seen people get engaged before meeting in person. :eek:


#20

[quote="TraderTif, post:17, topic:197677"]
Define "online dating".

My opinion?

Using an online dating site as a way to find people, being able (to some extent) to pre-screen characteristics and marital status ahead of time = a good idea.

Using an online dating site as a way to avoid real interaction, having an entire relationship online, leaping straight into dating before meeting in person and becoming friends = a bad idea

:shrug:

I've met several people, male and female, after first finding them online. It is my hope that, someday, perhaps one of those (male) friendships will turn into a relationship. Why should stumbling into someone online be any different then stumbling into them at church?? :confused:

[/quote]

Trader Tiff says the same EXACT sentiments as I have. Also for the record I haven't voted because I am unclear as to what "online dating" consists of in the mind of the OP.


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