Is sex overrated?

As a virgin I can’t help but wonder, is sex overrated? People keep talking about how great it is, regardless of their religion, but it gives some virgins major FOMO. Or would you say it is more DIFFERENT than society tells you it is, but not necessarily over/underrated? If you waited till marriage did it live up to your expectation?

It’s overrated. The problem is that it is over advertised and saturates media in all forms - have sex! Don’t have sex! Virgin! Gotta get laid! Gets laid too much. It’s because it is nice, and it’s a basic biological urge, so it’s easy and somewhat lazy to make it a motivating factor for a character or the focus point for a story or something.

It’s a very small part of life, especially considering the emphasis that people put on it. Everyone gets FOMO for all sorts of reasons.


It depends on how old you are. To a young adult them hormones make it almost a 24 hour obsession. And then some people prolong the obsession while others grow beyond it and sex is put in its proper context. Now that is just the sexual acts.

Sexuality or gender differences is a different realm. It is usually good to have a balance of male and females in any project.

Sex is one of the most - possibly the most - exquisitely wonderful part of being human


It’s distorted by sin. That is why people “keep talking about it”. Humans have an overriding need for belonging, for connection, for love. But, we foolishly look for that in “all the wrong places” to quote an old country song.

Always remember that sexual intimacy is meant for marriage where it is to bond spouses and bring forth the fruit of that love, children. This is both wonderful and difficult at the same time, because marriage itself is wonderful and difficult at the same time. There will be joy, sadness, anger, beauty, wonder, and more in the marriage-- which sexual intimacy is a part of but not the center of.

What unmarried people are talking about when they say how “great” sex is, is physical pleasure. That’s as fleeting as any other hit of dopamine that has to be chased for the next hit.

Most certainly.

Whether your first experience of sexual intimacy lives up to your expectations is quite dependent on what those expectations were.

I suggest not having any beyond what the two of you discuss as a couple. It takes time to get to know someone intimately.


It has it’s place but the older I get, the more I definitely think it’s overrated… could be hormones declining (which is natural as you age) but in all honesty, I can take it or leave it now. There are better things to do (like eat really good food lol!)


The Church teaches the truth about sexual intimacy, just like it teaches the truth about every other commandment of God.

Because of its powerful draw, this particular commandment is trespassed frequently and in many ways. Therefore, yes, the Church does have something to say about it. The more sin and the culture deform and distort God’s gift of sexuality the more the Church has to say about it. The farther away the culture gets from the truth and meaning of human sexuality (wow, there’s actually a Church document by that name, go figure) the more lost people become and the more they search for the truth by asking questions here and by many other means. The more lost people are, the more the Church needs to say about it in order to proclaim the truth of the Gospel.

I don’t think that comes from the Church. I think that comes from secular society.


Its importance is definitely different at different stages of life (different ages). I honestly think the physical part of a marriage is really only a limited part depending on the circumstances. When the physical part slows down you MUST still have a close intimate relationship with your spouse for your marriage to make it through the rough patches. It’s not just one thing with marriage it’s the WHOLE picture that matters. Many spouses sadly have nothing in common with each other. When the kids are all grown and out of the house and the spouses are alone all day together they just don’t have anything to talk about or share and it causes splits many times. YOU MUST LOVE YOUR SPOUSE in all ways not just physical.


Hubby and I hold hands every night before we go to sleep. Means a lot to us.


Maybe they just want “Catholic answers” especially when all their peers are livin la vida loca

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So how do people get it “out of their system” when they are young, other than sleeping around, or masterbation

You deal with it, you pray about it, you serve others and spend your time not dwelling on your own desires. Is that easy, NO, but by the grace of God it can be done. A person is not just about the physical aspects they share with another person. There is a lot more to people than that. Just need to develop the other areas that are of service and doing good in life.


Around what age does that phase end, for most people, like 30?

I’m 50 and am still enthusiastic…


I prefer a nice pot of tea and a good book. Or six beer and a good book. Or a good book followed by a nap. Sex is nice but highly overrated imo. :slight_smile:


Different strokes for different folks…

Well put. LOL

Have to agree here.

Ya, I’m about 40 and still feel like I did when I was 17.

According to my friends who are married, a good sex life is 10% of a good to great marriage while bad to no sex life is 90% of a bad marriage. Dunno what their wives think, but it seems to me that among friends who got divorced, not one ever said they had a good sex life when the marriage was on the decline. A dead bedroom is a strong reflection of trouble in a marriage hence the 90% part of that remark. Maybe it’s possible to overrate the act itself, I’ll grant that, but I don’t think it’s possible to overrate its importance in a healthy marriage.


Exactly. I think if anything, sex is underrated in our society. It’s been reduced to a bodily function that causes physical pleasure, almost like eating a piece of cheesecake. Marital sex is the physical bond that holds together the family and society in general! The way it bonds two people together with God is a Sacrament! How can that possibly be overrated?

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