Is sharing a two bedroom apartment with a girlfriend cohabitation/a sin?


#1

I am a young Catholic male looking to start dating soon. I have been focusing on living chastely over the past year to clean my mind of a past riddled with lust and sinful relationships. Eventually I would like to start dating again with the intention of finding a proud to be Catholic sort of woman equally interested in growing in holiness together, living chastely, with the same goal of holy matrimony and parenting in the future.

One of the ‘pro’s’ to having a wife is that by being yoked together the burdens of living are lessened. Suppose I meet a great catholic woman and things are going great. Would it be a sin for her and I to get a 2 bedroom apartment together and not share a room? I am wondering if this would be cohabitation, and if you think it would be an occasion of sin.

Thank you in advance
Matt


#2

[quote="mrphilosophias, post:1, topic:331306"]
I am a young Catholic male looking to start dating soon. I have been focusing on living chastely over the past year to clean my mind of a past riddled with lust and sinful relationships. Eventually I would like to start dating again with the intention of finding a proud to be Catholic sort of woman equally interested in growing in holiness together, living chastely, with the same goal of holy matrimony and parenting in the future.

One of the 'pro's' to having a wife is that by being yoked together the burdens of living are lessened. Suppose I meet a great catholic woman and things are going great. Would it be a sin for her and I to get a 2 bedroom apartment together and not share a room? I am wondering if this would be cohabitation, and if you think it would be an occasion of sin.

Thank you in advance
Matt

[/quote]

Without question this would be a near occasion of sin and a temptation. Follow this principle: any behavior that makes sin easier, or more readily available, or which puts temptation nearby, should and must be avoided!

The Evil One will try to deceive you : "you can do that, because you are both holy, and you can avoid sinning and have the convenience of living together." Don't listen to that lie: avoid the temptation!


#3

I think that it sets you up to get too comfortable. It is very difficult to break up if you are sharing an apartment and rent should it not be a suitable match. I know plenty of couples who moved in together and got very comfortable, said might as well get married, and 10 years down the road wonder what on earth they were thinking.

The time of dating is for discernment. At some point you and/or your partner need to decide that this is what you want (time to get engaged!) or that the two of you are not meant to be together. Brothers and sisters, cousins, friends and neighbors will be watching you and it is a time to model Christian living/dating to a society that has totally lost what that is. This is a time to shine brightly before a darkened world! Try to embrace that calling with joy, modeling Christian virtue while dating. Stay away from the temptations that the world offers you, and don't see how close you can get to the edge before falling off. ;)


#4

[quote="mrphilosophias, post:1, topic:331306"]
I am a young Catholic male looking to start dating soon. I have been focusing on living chastely over the past year to clean my mind of a past riddled with lust and sinful relationships. Eventually I would like to start dating again with the intention of finding a proud to be Catholic sort of woman equally interested in growing in holiness together, living chastely, with the same goal of holy matrimony and parenting in the future.

One of the 'pro's' to having a wife is that by being yoked together the burdens of living are lessened. Suppose I meet a great catholic woman and things are going great. Would it be a sin for her and I to get a 2 bedroom apartment together and not share a room? I am wondering if this would be cohabitation, and if you think it would be an occasion of sin.

Thank you in advance
Matt

[/quote]

Not only would it e a near occasion of sin, but it would also be scandalous, since others would not know you were living chastely.


#5

I agree with the previous posters (I don´t think the public scandal is the best argument, we shouldn´t care so much about other peoples´ thoughts I think, as lomg as we don´t live in sin :-) )

There are so many situations in daily life that will become difficult in this situation, from going to bed in the evening (there will come the day when you fall asleep in front of the TV and don´t want to go to your own bedroom, trust me...) to sharing a bathroom and much privacy which leads strong to unchaste feelings. If you have both your songle appartment it is less comfortable, bus this has a reason- you won´t wait that long to marry, and this is , when you love this girl really- the best end of the story ;)


#6

This kind of falls under one of those ' you probably know the answer, but are looking for someone to logic that it's ok'.

Looks like you have good intentions, if you continue to will the best for your lady, you will start a great life under one roof at the honeymoon.


#7

[quote="mrphilosophias, post:1, topic:331306"]
I am a young Catholic male looking to start dating soon. I have been focusing on living chastely over the past year to clean my mind of a past riddled with lust and sinful relationships. Eventually I would like to start dating again with the intention of finding a proud to be Catholic sort of woman equally interested in growing in holiness together, living chastely, with the same goal of holy matrimony and parenting in the future.

One of the 'pro's' to having a wife is that by being yoked together the burdens of living are lessened. Suppose I meet a great catholic woman and things are going great. Would it be a sin for her and I to get a 2 bedroom apartment together and not share a room? I am wondering if this would be cohabitation, and if you think it would be an occasion of sin.

Thank you in advance
Matt

[/quote]

Very ill-advised to do this. You would be playing house, sharing space even if it weren't the bedrooms, and acting as a married couple. Why would you want to do this before you were married? It doesn't get you any farther down the road toward commitment, and if you rationalize that you will both be saving money, then why get married at all when you're already sharing an apartment. People would assume that you are sharing a bed, and not staying separately at night. Too much temptation, and you aren't even dating yet, so why are you getting the cart so far in front of the horse?


#8

[quote="mrphilosophias, post:1, topic:331306"]
I am a young Catholic male looking to start dating soon. I have been focusing on living chastely over the past year to clean my mind of a past riddled with lust and sinful relationships. Eventually I would like to start dating again with the intention of finding a proud to be Catholic sort of woman equally interested in growing in holiness together, living chastely, with the same goal of holy matrimony and parenting in the future.

One of the 'pro's' to having a wife is that by being yoked together the burdens of living are lessened. Suppose I meet a great catholic woman and things are going great. Would it be a sin for her and I to get a 2 bedroom apartment together and not share a room? I am wondering if this would be cohabitation, and if you think it would be an occasion of sin.

Thank you in advance
Matt

[/quote]

Not a good idea.

First, it would almost certainly be a near occasion of sin. It is the nature of people to be physical if they are in love. Living together would only make those feelings harder to resist.

Second, it would be a cause of scandal to your family and other people you come in contact with. Most people have a hard time believing that a man and woman living together are not having sex, even if they are "only friends".

Third, even though it flies in the face of modern beliefs, couples who live together before marriage have a much higher divorce rate than those who don't.

Also, abstinence and chastity are not the same thing. Abstinence is not having sex. Chastity is living out God's design for man and woman within the state of life to which one is called. For two people to live together, if they are romantically involved, violates chastity even if they abstain from sex.


#9

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:7, topic:331306"]
Very ill-advised to do this. You would be playing house, sharing space even if it weren't the bedrooms, and acting as a married couple. Why would you want to do this before you were married? It doesn't get you any farther down the road toward commitment, and if you rationalize that you will both be saving money, then why get married at all when you're already sharing an apartment. People would assume that you are sharing a bed, and not staying separately at night. Too much temptation, and you aren't even dating yet, so why are you getting the cart so far in front of the horse?

[/quote]

Maybe because the cost of living is absolutely ridiculous for young people in certain places these days. Heck, a few years back (before I was married), all the apartments around me started at about $1,200/month, and that's suburbia we're talking about! (Tiny studios could go for $800 maybe at that time, but they were so small you would have to walk outside just to stretch your legs..lol). When you're earning less than $3,000 a month, $1200 is a LOT!!!

But, I agree with everything you said for the most part TRJ. Maybe he should get a male roommate instead. :thumbsup:


#10

This reminded me of my cousin. She works abroad and so does her boyfriend. They both live in a three bedroom apartment, sharing it with a doctor who's also from overseas. My mom was wondering why our aunt was okay with that set up, since even though they had separate bedrooms, it still seems to be too comfortable. She and her boyfriend have been together for ten years now. In relation to the OP, I would also say that it's not a good idea, and yes, it would be better to have a male housemate in your case.


#11

I don’t think it’s a sin. Some may call it a near occasion for sin, but so long as temptation is kept at bay, and you do not engage in sexual activity, it should be alright!


#12

[quote="thomasemmanuel, post:11, topic:331306"]
... but so long as temptation is kept at bay, and you do not engage in sexual activity, ...!

[/quote]

assuming the normal libido of men and women in their 20s, under those circumstances, temptation is not going to be kept at bay.


#13

I guess it depends on the moral fortitude of the individuals involved…

In the end, it is of course advisable to avoid temptation. But until and unless the temptation prevails and the deed is done, there is no sin! :thumbsup:


#14

[quote="thomasemmanuel, post:13, topic:331306"]
I guess it depends on the moral fortitude of the individuals involved...

In the end, it is of course advisable to avoid temptation. But until and unless the temptation prevails and the deed is done, there is no sin! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

speaking of the typical situation, of course, there's no way that arrangement will have a happy ending.


#15

[quote="Fairwinds, post:14, topic:331306"]
speaking of the typical situation, of course, there's no way that arrangement will have a happy ending.

[/quote]

I think we all have differing opinions on our personal moral strengths!

The best advice to OP is simply to be careful, pray often (this goes to everybody ;)), and live well.


#16

[quote="thomasemmanuel, post:15, topic:331306"]
I think we all have differing opinions on our personal moral strengths! ....

[/quote]

I've never claimed any.


#17

Hopefully both of us will live our lives in such a way that when we come before Christ to answer for our life, He will say "Good and faithful servant!" When dating, this is a time to be faithful and looking to model Christian virtue in a world that has forgotten such matters.


#18

[quote="thomasemmanuel, post:11, topic:331306"]
I don't think it's a sin. Some may call it a near occasion for sin, but so long as temptation is kept at bay, and you do not engage in sexual activity, it should be alright!

[/quote]

This matter is not merely about the will of two people to avoid sin; it is about the possibiity of this couple giving scandal to other Catholics who will look at their living situation from the outside and draw the conclusion that they are in an intimate relationship. So this couple should be concerned not only their own morals but for the others in their community. When viewed in this way, it is simply not acceptable in any case.


#19

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