Hi there, I am a Mum with 3 children. My eldest is 6 and when I was giving birth to him I had an epidural. My body reacted badly to it and my blood pressure halved and my son’s heart stopped so I had an emergency C-section to get my son out as quick as possible. My second child is 2 years old. I had a second C-Section with him and with the spinal block they give you, my blood pressure was affected so much the anaesthetist said he had never seen anyone like this, but he managed to control my reaction to the drugs for the duration of the C-Section. My third baby is 1 years old. When I had my daughter I again reacted to the spinal block but this time I started to have what is termed a “medical heart attack” reacting to the drugs to numb you. Luckily my daughter was out of the womb and they stopped the operation to stabilize my heart.
Every time my reaction to the anaesthetic has worsened. The doctors told me that there is a large amount of scar tissue and should I have a 4th C-Section it will take about 1 hour to get the baby out and about 1 hour to sew me back up. There is a strong chance I will have another heart attack reacting to the anaesthetic especially since the drugs will be needed to be in my system for such a long time. If the baby is not out and they have to stabilise my heart, the baby could be at risk. If they get the baby out first to avoid the risk, which is what I would want ( I wouldn’t want a dead baby) I could die as they may not be in time to stabilize my heart if they wait for the baby to be born.
There would be a big risk that either one would die. I have discussed with the doctors whether general anaesthetic would be safer but they would not want to do that as it is dangerous for the baby and also I would not be able to tell them when I feel my heart “crush”.
My husband and I have learnt the Creighton Model of NFP which has been difficult as I am still breastfeeding. But this method is not 100% effective and indeed my NFP teacher told me that one of her ladies got pregnant recently on a “safe dry day”
If I have another baby I could die and leave my husband with 4 children and no mother. That would be irresponsible of me. The effect would devastate my family and would ruin the family faith if it happened.
I am 28 years old, married with 3 children. I cannot live a chaste marriage until the menopause. What type of marriage is that? I think it would destroy our marriage. We would be best of friends but not husband and wife anymore. We would loose that bond. I think it is impossible to expect anyone to do that, what no sexual relationship with your husband for maybe 25 years?!
Due to the effect of the anaesthetic I can’t get sterilized but my husband could have a vasectomy and we could aviod any risks. My husband when to our priest. He is not our local priest because we find that most priests are liberal and the churches are empty. We travel to a parish that has a traditional priest and every Mass the Church is overflowing. We have been going there for years. Anyway my husband spoke to Father and he said that under the circumstances, for him to be sterilized, would be fine, there was nothing wrong as the circumstances were exceptional and there was a grave reason for doing it.
But is this what the Church teaches? I understand that if we were to proceed with this we could go to Hell! But on the other hand to expect us to be chaste for the next 25years, is this what a loving God would want and expect? And if we were to fall pregnant and I risk my life what about the responsibility to my family and children?? I have been a traditional Catholic all my life but this teaching flies in the face of reason and is incomprehensible with a loving God.
What should we do?? Any ideas?? Many thanks