Is there a Mr. Right?


#1

I work with young teenage girls, and this subject naturally comes up a lot.

Basically, the question is: in what sense can we say that there’s a very certain Mr. Right in our future? ‘The One?’

I’m not entirely positive about this one… as a long-time lurker here, I know this topic has come up a couple times, and I thought some of you might be able to help me formulate my thoughts.

To me it seems a rather fine line to walk. On the one hand, I don’t believe that God has one man for me, and if I don’t marry that specific one I’ll have an unhappy marriage. If that were the case, it would seem to rule out widows, for instance, who marry again and live as happily as they did with the first. Their cases seem to indicate that there was more than one option.

I believe that with all the many, many people in the world, there surely must be more than one man a woman could spend the rest of her life with if their love was mature and dedicated.

I don’t believe that all I have to do is sit back and wait for God to plop Mr. Right on my lap.

At the same time, however, I can’t believe that God doesn’t really care too much. With His infinite knowledge of what is best for our souls, doesn’t it seem that perhaps there is a certain man who, while not the only one, might be said to be the better one?

While typing this out I realise that it really doesn’t matter. When you meet a fellow and marriage shows up on the horizon, you ought to be praying to see God’s will clearly, not wondering if maybe you send this guy packing because there might be someone better.

But, considering that young girls seem to bring it up so much, I would like to talk it out and see if anyone had any thoughts that I could share.


#2

I like to think of our lives as more of a “plan” (dynamic) than a “final solution” (static).
The goal in our lives is to always seek God’s will - “God’s plan” for our lives. That plan is dynamic and involves many souls coming in and out of our lives depending on our situations at that point in time.
Some have spouses die… and God’s plan allows us to move on in some cases and remarry… others will never remarry. We’re all so unique and God has a unique will for each soul at each point in time. We can align our lives with God’s will through prayer.

Some very good scripture verses that I love to consider on this topic are…
Jeremiah 29:11-14

1 For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.
12
When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.
13
When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart,
14
you will find me with you, says the LORD, and I will change your lot;

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

1
There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.
2
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
3
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build.
4
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
6
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
7
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
8
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9
What advantage has the worker from his toil?
10
I have considered the task which God has appointed for men to be busied about.
11
He has made everything appropriate to its time, and has put the timeless into their hearts, without men’s ever discovering, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.


#3

I tend to think that God sends us on a certain path and it’s up to us to keep our eyes and hearts open to what and who God puts on the path with us.


#4

Mr. Right or Miss Right is all about perception.

This may come off as a little confusing.

We trust in the Lord (period) for all our needs.
If we are not centered on Him and only Him then we are not ready (We are truly never centered but we have to continue trying). If they are young faithful women then they will understand this truth but if they are still very young in faith then tell them don’t worry about it and center themselves on God.

One sure way I have found (youth minister) to gage there faith levels is ask them why do you want to get married (or find the one)? If they say anything for self (to take care of me or I want children for me) then they are not ready. If they say to Love (to will the good for another, NOT the emotion) they are probably ready to hear “trust in God” then they will probably not asking that question to begin with.

Who are we to say that marriage is there vocation? If they have any thoughts on who this is then they are probably on the wrong track.

You know when you are ready, just like I knew I was being called to be a Permanent Deacon.

As for me there are a number of years before I can fulfill my calling but I’m walking with my eyes open along the road. We all are on the road to Christ. Each has there own unique path if two paths merge and we are headed in the same direction then it is time to talk about marriage.

So the only real Mr. or Miss Right has only one thing in common they are walking the same road centered to Christ.

Mr. or Miss right may not perfect or nowhere near perfect but if they are centered on the road to Christ and continue to walk along it means they are trying (And this is by far the most important thing). Anyone who is really trying is noticeable from a mile away with the right perception. It is unbelievable how beautiful a woman is who tries to walk the road and it can be said how strong a man looks if he is also trying (And if you are think about physical properties then you are really off track).

What they are trying to do is Perfect Love. The only way we can perfect Love (church teaching V2) is to give ourselves totally to something by vocation. (All vocations require total sacrifice).

Or you can tell them this
Mr. and Mrs. right already exist, God the father the Groom and The church the mother the Bride.

God’s humble servant
John A.H.

P.S. What that perception is the key and it can only be seen from people who are trying to center themselves.


#5

Very nicely put Emily! :thumbsup: I love Jeremiah 29. :heart:


#6

What Emily said!:wink:


#7

God’s plan is for us to be with Him in Heaven.

Mr. Right is the person who will best help us reach that goal.


#8

God has a plan for us, but God gives us free will.

So is there a Mr. Right? In my mind, there might be a series of Mr. Possibles. Our job: Make sure the Mr. Possibles fall into line with what the Church teaches, and God wants for us, bringing it down to one Mr. Possible. If the one Mr. Possible is on-board, then andonly then is he Mr. Right.


#9

Too many people think in terms of Mr. Right or Ms. Right, as if all the men in the world were one circle, all the women in the world were another circle, and the only match for one man on the edge of his circle would be one woman on the edge of her circle. In fact, the two circles overlap, and for any man in the overlapping part of his circle, there are many women whom he could marry and have a successful marriage. And vice versa.

Anothe problem with the Mr. Right mindset is that many women spend so much time looking for Mr. Right that they forget all about making themselves into some man’s Ms. right. And again, vice versa.

DaveBj


#10

No, but there are a couple million Mr. Wrongs.


#11

I love your term “Mr. Possibles.” That, I think, will be very easy to convey to them.

Thank you all for your input. As far as I’m concerned, I think I have a pretty good grasp of the subject, but I find it such a hard thing to articulate. It would be easiest, I think, to just say that in the end it doesn’t really matter… if you are dedicated in your marriage and committed to serving God, and helping each other on the way to heaven, it doesn’t matter whether you were Mr. and Miss Right, or whether you were just the choices in the various possibilities.

Easy it would be, but I don’t really want to simply tell them that it doesn’t matter… because I think the mindset behind it does matter. I don’t want them to start obsessing with the One Mr. Right. I have seen girls in a tizzy about whether they should go out to the store or stay home. On the one hand, the One might be at the store. On the other hand, the One might stroll past the house. I don’t want them to think that since there’s one and only one man for them, that they have to constantly be on the lookout so they don’t miss him.

At the same time, I don’t want them to think that they can marry just anybody and God won’t care. Like you said, kage_ar, there is such a thing as a Mr. Wrong.

It’s not so much about marrying a good Catholic man when the time comes. It’s about getting their mindsets straight here and now, whether they get married in the future or not.

So… another question!

Say we have a group of Mr. Possibles. Could we say that God prefers one of the Possibles more than the others, making him Mr. Right? Or, since all the Mr. Possibles are in line with the Church and etc., will one Mr. Possible become the Mr. Right through virtue of being the one who is willing to become Mr. Right by marrying you (assuming, of course, that you think the same). Do all of the Possibles have equal potential to be Mr. Right, or might God consider one a better Mr. Right for you at that point in your life than another?


#12

When teaching this lesson, my advice - remind them of the Church laws on marriage. That as a Catholic they are bound to marry in the Church or to get dispensation to marry outside of the Church. That before dating the person must be FREE to marry.

How many posts have we read of here from people who never were taught this when they were young…


#13

I think there is “the one” that God is guiding us to at the time, if we listen to him. This would go for widows as well, because I believe if they are able to find love again it is part of God’s plan for them.


#14

Think of it in terms outside of marriage and God - think of it like shopping for a dress. You go looking for a dress and there are hundreds out there. Some you know off the bat aren’t going to be great. Some you take into the fitting room. You try them on - you’ve got 3 possibles that all would work but in the end you pick one of those 3 possibles. What are the reasons for picking the one? You often can’t even say. If you had gone into the fitting room on a different day maybe you would have felt a different way about a different dress and picked a different possible.

Same with marriage - there might be many possibles but at the time that you meet those possibles one just feels more right than the others.

the other thing I like to tell my daughter - I know people give “waiting for Mr Right” a bad rap, or the current thinking of “not waiting for prince charming” but I hope my child never settles on anything less than her prince charming or her mr right. I don’t want her to settle for mr maybe. But it’s a fine line between not settling and become hung up, isn’t it!


#15

I think rather than guidance in finding Mr Right, teenage girls need guidance in identifying and avoiding Mr. Wrong.


#16

Well put. Here is my advice to the original poster regarding her teenage charges.

At this moment, YOU are Miss Wrong, therefore, it doesn’t matter who you date. You cannot be the woman they need. At your age and level of experience, you are incapable of the self-giving, complete, and fruitful love that marriage requires. Your only chance at finding Mr. Right someday is to become Miss Right with the years ahead.

[LIST]
*]make your prayer life your own
*]develop a relationship with a father-confessor and stay with him through your college years
*]serve the poor and needy on a regular basis
*]imitate the saint for whom you were named
*]strengthen your friendships using the principles of Love that the church teaches
*]devote your career to one in keeping with the teaching of Christ
*]in everything you do, study Love and learn to love all people
*]keep up your nourishment through the sacrements
[/LIST]

These steps will help hone your body, spirit, and soul into the future wife that God intends. These steps will help you keep chaste and ready for the wonderful sexual life of marriage. These steps will hone your taste in men so that you may discern a good one.

God will put many wonderful men into your path. Some who have made the choices above, and some who have not. You will learn to overlook high salary, fancy cars, jewelry, and sweet words, and look to a person’s soul for true treasure.

Have students watch “Pretty Woman” or “Knocked up” or any other romantic comedy and pick apart the definition of Love, commitment, and marriage that produced these movies. We are inundated with the wrong standards for choosing a mate and we need to address this. I’m not suggesting that we don’t enjoy these films, but I am saying that we should know when we are buying into the definitions of Love and marriage that they exemplify.

Have your girls look all around them for models of beauty, and feminine worth in society. Then take a look at the Virgin and all the great female saints. What these girls really need is discernment.

Hope this helps


#17

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