Is there anything wrong with being happy being single?


#1

Hello I recently converted to the Catholic Church 6 years ago and am now 32 years old heterosexual male and I am happy being single. I used to be looking for that perfect woman but not anymore. Is there anything wrong with that or am I supposed to be depressed?


#2

It's great that you are living in the present and have grown to be comfortable with your own company...so long of course that you do live according to the two commands of love God above all and others as self, and remember and live in the knowledge of what Jesus teaches in Matthew 25 verses 31-46.

If you have the maturity to live comfortably in your own reality without becoming indifferent to others, and continue to live in practical kindness to others there's nothing wrong with being single.

There's no perfect woman, by the way, nor any perfect male for any of us to find in this world!
But if some time eventually you meet a woman with whom you can mutually grow, then God grant you both all the graces He desires. In the meantime, and if not, may God continue to bless you.

One of the friends I most admire is a single unattached man of mature age. He is a truly Christian Catholic, a prayerful man whose acts of practical kindness characterize his life, and I have no doubt he is quietly fulfilling the single lay vocation to which he is called.

There is no reason why you should be depressed and I'm very glad that you are not! :)


#3

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
Hello I recently converted to the Catholic Church 6 years ago and am now 32 years old heterosexual male and I am happy being single. I used to be looking for that perfect woman but not anymore. Is there anything wrong with that or am I supposed to be depressed?

[/quote]

There is nothing wrong with you. If you are truly happy being single then there is no problem at all - I have always been single and I am certainly not depressed; likewise there are many Priests and Religious who are single and not depressed.

Why would being single cause someone to be depressed unless they had some insecurities or other disorders? The fact you are content indicates that there is nothing wrong with you.


#4

Welcome to the club! We have a lot of fun over here. :D

We enjoy freedom that others do not. That freedom can be related to the kind of work we do, where we live, how we worship, and sooo sooo many other things.

I personally think that everyone who is single should be happily enjoying this state, even if it is temporary. A person should be happily single before he ever starts to date or considers changing that status. Those who are unhappy are way too prone to make wrong decisions, if or when they decide to marry.


#5

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
Hello I recently converted to the Catholic Church 6 years ago and am now 32 years old heterosexual male and I am happy being single. I used to be looking for that perfect woman but not anymore. Is there anything wrong with that or am I supposed to be depressed?

[/quote]

NO!
You've come to the right place! The Catholic Church is just about the only institution I know which rejects the ruling attitude in modern Western culture which says that everyone has to be half of a "couple" or else there must be something wrong with him. The Catholic Church has always taught that the unmarried lay life is a worthwhile vocation in itself. I know lots of lay unmarried Catholics who are very happy with their lives and who are a treasure to the Church.

Having said that, now that you have decided you do not want to marry, have you considered whether you might have a vocation to the priesthood? Or perhaps to the lay consecrated religious life as a monk or a religious brother?


#6

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
Hello I recently converted to the Catholic Church 6 years ago and am now 32 years old heterosexual male and I am happy being single.

[/quote]

Many people are called to serve Christ as a single person. Some are called to religious life-- as a priest, brother, or sister. Others are called to lay ministry of some type, but as a single person.

Perhaps you should start discernment with a spiritual director or priest regarding what God might be calling you to do in service.

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
I used to be looking for that perfect woman but not anymore.

[/quote]

Well, there are no perfect women, so I'm glad you've stopped looking for one. You don't mention why? Because there is no desire for marriage in your heart? Because you've been hurt? Other?

Really, it boils down to why you are wanting to remain single. Is it to *avoid *something or because you are being called *towards *something?

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
Is there anything wrong with that or am I supposed to be depressed?

[/quote]

Why would you think you are "supposed" to be depressed? I don't understand where you would get that idea?


#7

No, there is nothing wrong with being happy and single. Just because we are a rare group (so many people seem to be miserable and single, I just don't get it-I'm with you-happy and single) doesn't mean that we are "wrong" or "bad".

I'm 30, single, and very happy as well.


#8

man - I wish I could be happy being single - but I still have a divorce and anullment to go through from a nightmare. so if you are happy - be happy.


#9

Most of the time I'm a happy active single myself. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's not like I determined to be completely opposed to marriage or I am living a bad life. The single life can be great or miserable depending on what you make of it so if you"fe happy don't worry about it. I'm not one of those that thinks everyone is cut out to be married either so just go with the flow but don't close the door on marriage completely either. I'm not looking anymore myself. Not that the door is completely closed for me I just don't see anyone coming through anytime soon so I'm resigned to a single life for now.

Good luck and have fun. :shrug:


#10

Thank you to all who replied, I feel much better now. :)


#11

Hello L.A. Guy, Some of us were born to be single. I was married once but didn't like it.
I like being single and living in the L.A. area. There are lots of singles in California. It is our life-style to be single.
There are so many singles clubs to hang out with in L.A. We have Catholic Singles in the S.F. Valley and there is a Christian singles club in orange county.

Since I am single I like to hang out with other singles because we have a lot in common because of our single life-style. Our close friends are like our family members.


#12

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
Hello I recently converted to the Catholic Church 6 years ago and am now 32 years old heterosexual male and I am happy being single. I used to be looking for that perfect woman but not anymore. Is there anything wrong with that or am I supposed to be depressed?

[/quote]

Well, if you can handle lifelong celibacy, why not look into the seminary?


#13

[quote="Los_Angeles, post:1, topic:208368"]
Hello I recently converted to the Catholic Church 6 years ago and am now 32 years old heterosexual male and I am happy being single. I used to be looking for that perfect woman but not anymore. Is there anything wrong with that or am I supposed to be depressed?

[/quote]

There is nothing whatsoever the matter with being happy in your state in life. You are blessed. This is a gift from God. Don't feel guilty about it, and don't feel pressured to change.

It's nice to know of people who are happy right where they are. :)

PS: It reminds me of a joke: "Somewhere out there, there is a man who has no idea why he is so blissfully happy. The reason is, he didn't marry my daughter." :p


#14

I love being single and making my own decisions right or wrong. Not having anyone telling me what to do and how to do it, if I can or if I can't. I am free to go to Mass any evening or morning and to do as I please.

Yes siree---I love being single.


#15

[quote="jmcrae, post:13, topic:208368"]

PS: It reminds me of a joke: "Somewhere out there, there is a man who has no idea why he is so blissfully happy. The reason is, he didn't marry my daughter." :p

[/quote]

:rotfl:

When I was a graduate student, I had a circle of very good friends. Most of us were single. We also partied a lot, but in a very good-natured way, we would dance, drink a bit in moderation, talk to each other, share our joys and sorrows... One girl (let's call her Anne) whom we all adored, would cause us problems. One day, she showed up with her new date, a nice guy whom we instantly befriended, but then they broke up and Anne had hurt feelings. We loved both Anne and her ex-bf, but couldn't have them present both at the same time... Then, Anne started to date another guy who was loosely attached to our circle of friends, and sure enough, they too broke up soon, and Anne was hurt again. Finally, we told poor Anne, "Dear, please don't start to date any of us :D, because we will soon reach the point where we won't be able to have a good party anymore!" We were really afraid that she will date and break up with yet another guy, and then she will be heart-broken again, and we won't be able to have her and the other guy present at the same party, because of the hurt feelings... So we had to be proactive. :p

Man, it's a problem when someone can't handle singlehood and is desperate to constantly date and go through serial relationships...


#16

If you are happy being single, then please tell me your secret because as much as I have come to accept it, there are still a lot of difficulties in the single life. I am a woman so I don't know if it is easier on a man.

For example, whenever I have financial struggles, instead of helping me (even if it is just to provide a listening ear) the first thing I hear is 'It is hard to make ends meet as a single hopefully you can meet a man'. It angers me to NO end to have people think (in this day an aged expecially) a woman SHOULD marry to kmprove her financial status.

Or the way a lot of people in this thread have suggested you start to discern a vocation into the priesthood. I find it insulting when people tell me I should be a nun just because I am single.

Or when I need something from my superintendent. He is a nice guy and always goes above and beyond his job description to help me out. In the back of my mind I wonder if he doesn't have a crush on me. He is a divorced single father and I don't want to date him at all but I still need his help with certain things.

Last week at church, the priest asked us to keep parents in our prayers because of the hard work they have in bringing up kids. And to also pray for grandparents who help raise grandchildren. There is never any prayer for singles and their station in life unless it is to send them to a religious vocation or get them to marry

Or people feel sorry for me and try to match me up with men who make my skin crawl. And if it ever gets back to the man I feel that way, I feel guilty that he could be hurt.

If I want to watch TV with someone, I can't jsut sit back and relax. I always have to be a gracious hostest. I always have to plan something in advance. I don't have someone living here I can go to if i get lonely.

OK, so I made this a thread about me. Sorry, I jsut needed to vent

CM


#17

Yeah being single isn’t a bed of roses but is you check out some of the other forums here being married isn’t either. Even family members who are happily married sometimes tell me to enjoy the single life while it lasts. :eek:


#18

[quote="cmscms, post:16, topic:208368"]
For example, whenever I have financial struggles, instead of helping me (even if it is just to provide a listening ear) the first thing I hear is 'It is hard to make ends meet as a single hopefully you can meet a man'. It angers me to NO end to have people think (in this day an aged expecially) a woman SHOULD marry to kmprove her financial status.

[/quote]

Being married, with all its joys, does not necessarily improve a woman's financial status. Indeed, depending on the man, it can get worse - and when you are married, you have less control over your money. The "extra cash" that you bring to the household often gets spent on things you had no idea even existed, instead of put into savings or wisely invested.

I sympathize with your struggles as a single woman - it's difficult to get ahead because people are always expecting you to find a man, get married, and move on with your life. They don't expect you to be making a career of whatever you're doing now, so you aren't seriously considered for promotions, etc. That's a huge burden. It means you have to work three times as hard as everyone else to get the same recognition. But your instincts are absolutely on target, that marriage is not the "solution" to these difficulties.

I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :)


#19

[quote="jmcrae, post:18, topic:208368"]
Being married, with all its joys, does not necessarily improve a woman's financial status. Indeed, depending on the man, it can get worse - and when you are married, you have less control over your money. The "extra cash" that you bring to the household often gets spent on things you had no idea even existed, instead of put into savings or wisely invested.

I sympathize with your struggles as a single woman - it's difficult to get ahead because people are always expecting you to find a man, get married, and move on with your life. They don't expect you to be making a career of whatever you're doing now, so you aren't seriously considered for promotions, etc. That's a huge burden. It means you have to work three times as hard as everyone else to get the same recognition. But your instincts are absolutely on target, that marriage is not the "solution" to these difficulties.

I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :)

[/quote]

Absolutely true. In my case, I am much better off financially as a single woman, and much happier. True, I had a lousy marriage, but actually I think I always was suited to the single life, it's much freer, and you can make your own decisions about your life. The only good thing to come out of my marriage was a son, whom I love with all my heart and soul.


#20

What the? :confused:
I’m racking my brain to try to work out how (all other things being equal) being single is more of a financial struggle than being married. For a start a married couple who live a real Christian marriage will usually have children and often quite a few children, each of whom costs a small fortune to raise and educate in today’s society. And unless you marry a millionaire, I can’t see how marrying could improve one’s financial position.

Or the way a lot of people in this thread have suggested you start to discern a vocation into the priesthood. I find it insulting when people tell me I should be a nun just because I am single.

I and** one** other person **asked the OP if **he had considered whethere he might have a vocation to the priesthood. There was no “should”. And I wouldn’t even have suggested that if he had not come to a Catholic forum saying that he felt that there was something not quite right with the way he was living his life.

If I was single and people said to me I should become a priest or brother, I would take it as a compliment that they think I am a good Catholic.

Or when I need something from my superintendent. He is a nice guy and always goes above and beyond his job description to help me out. In the back of my mind I wonder if he doesn’t have a crush on me. He is a divorced single father and I don’t want to date him at all but I still need his help with certain things.

Newsflash:We married people ALSO OFTEN work with lots of nice, helpful people of the opposite sex who might have a crush on us. We have to deal with it just like single people do. Without even the option of dating.

Last week at church, the priest asked us to keep parents in our prayers because of the hard work they have in bringing up kids. And to also pray for grandparents who help raise grandchildren. There is never any prayer for singles and their station in life unless it is to send them to a religious vocation or get them to marry

Not my experience of the Catholic Church at all. Whenever the topic of vocations is mentioned, it is always publlicly stressed that the single lay state is also a true and worthwhile viocation in itself.

Or people feel sorry for me and try to match me up with men who make my skin crawl. And if it ever gets back to the man I feel that way, I feel guilty that he could be hurt.

You’re allowed to say “no”.

If I want to watch TV with someone, I can’t jsut sit back and relax. I always have to be a gracious hostest. I always have to plan something in advance.

You’re allowed to watch TV by yourself. Or with relatives or people of the same sex. Or at someone else’s house so that he/she has to be the host/hostess.

I don’t have someone living here I can go to if i get lonely.

beginning to think you protest too much. There is no loneliness like the loneliness of being married to someone you have a problem with but your spouse can’t or won’t talk about it or address it.


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