2 weeks ago, on the way to our Retrouvaille session, DH and I were talking about how a guy friend of mine, who happens to be homosexual, just ended a 5 yr long relationship and is feeling very lonely and very hurt. I don’t approve with the fact that he lived with the guy he was dating, but I cherish this man as a person. He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met! He’s 22 and he helped me out a lot when I was in need of work and when I was having trouble with an ex boyfriend I had.
My friend asked if we could go out for coffee, and I mentioned this to my DH. I said, “Would you mind if I went out with him? I haven’t seen him in over a year”… then, DH responded, “No, you can’t go”. :mad: I was so upset, I couldn’t believe he was saying no. I asked why and he said because your friend is a man. Yes, not one who’s interested in women. I see my friend a a “girl” friend. We used to talk about clothes, purses, shoes and perfume, about movies, fashion, magazines… what straight guy would be interested in talking to a woman about this sort of stuff?
So, my DH said, “Would you let me go out with a lesbian friend?”. I said, “I wouldn’t mind if you went out with a woman who I knew for sure wasn’t interested in men”. So to his defense he said “Well, what if so & so (he mentioned one of his Catholic friends… remember my DH is a JW) saw you with your friend in public?” I said to him I didn’t care who saw me because I wasn’t going to be doing anything wrong and that just by looking at my friend, you could tell he wasn’t straight. The way he dresses, moves and speaks tells you he’s not interested in women. (I’m trying to avoid using words used to identify homosexuals, I don’t like to use them so I don’t offend anyone). So, DH was upset I wanted to see my guy friend who I see as my girl friend.
We got to our Retrouvaille meeting, and we weren’t speaking. I went to talk to the other women in the group about their kids and being either SAHM’s or being working moms. So, about 2 hours after the session began, DH tells me it’s ok if I go have some coffee with my friend.
I don’t know if he did it because he saw I was a bit mad, or if he discussed this with the other men at Retro, or if he thought about what harm it could cause if a person he knew woould see me with my friend. I have nothing to hide, so I cannot be afraid of anything… unless there really is something wrong about being friends with a person who is attracted to people of their same sex.
Can anyone help me figure out if I’m wrong in this or if DH was wrong? Before we married, he asked that I stop talking to a friend I dated 8 yrs ago, so I did, for the sake of our future marriage, but a guy who isn’t even a threat at all to his relationship? Would it be that he’s a JW? I don’t know what to do. I want to see my friend but I don’t know if I should.