Is there fun (physical love) after marriage?


My fiance is a Catholic and I am finishing RCIA and coming into the Church at Easter. We have been together since Sept 2006, and we are staying honest/pure/chaste - whatever it is called, I’m new to this line of thought - anyway, we’re doing that until the wedding which isn’t until Sept. this year. I chose to wait so I could come into the Church before we got married.

The problem is it still seems like forever until the wedding and I have got the idea that even after the wedding physical love is only “allowed” if you are trying to have a child and you aren’t susposed to enjoy it ever. So when now that I understand (or at least I think I understand) what God and the Church want from me and my fiance, I feel like I’m sinning even when I just feel desire for him when I look him. Does that make sense?

We truly love each other and do lots of things together, so we don’t need to keep us together or make things work, but it is so hard to turn it off or bury it. What is a woman to do? I am only human!


Where did you get this idea? This is not Church teaching.

I suggest you obtain some books on the subject including Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West, The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West, and Three To Get Married by Archbishop Fulton Sheen.


You are not sinning if you are truly attracted to your spouse to be. I think it is wonderful that you and your fiance are devoted to remaining chaste (one is still chaste after marriage if you only have one sexual partner–your spouse!)

I have used NFP since we were married 9 years ago, and I can honestly say that our physical relationship has only gotten BETTER with time and three kids. In fact, the times our children were conceived–and we knew that was likely at the time–are among our, erm, “best” memories of physical intimacy.

The Church does not teach that a couple may not enjoy the physical act of sex. God designed us to enjoy physical intimacy, and so it is not sinful to enjoy sexual intimacy within a marriage.

As for “only allowed if you are trying for children”, that is a misinterpretation, I think, of the teachings of the Church regarding artificial contraceptives. If a couple is using NFP and is aware of the times when conception is least likely (and I’ll admit I’m blessed in this regard, I have a very regular cycle and know exactly when those times are), they are not forbidden from enjoying physical intimacy when conception is unlikely, if they are refraining from having children for sound reasons. Those might be financial, emotional, or physical.

In my case, I have a rare autoimmune disorder that causes my platelet count to plummet when I am pregnant. This puts me at a serious risk for bleeding out during delivery (I almost did with my first child). Because of this, we have decided, after three children, to refrain from actively conceiving for now. This is a sound reason, and we have discussed it with our priest. We do not use artificial birth control, but restrict serious intimacy for when my least-fertile times occur.

There are many ways of being physically affectionate without being sexually intimate. And as you get older, and more tired :wink: you begin to appreciate those! Sex is just one component of a loving marriage, albeit an important one.

For my part, I really like the practice of NFP. My husband has always been on board with the periodic abstinence, which assures me that he didn’t “just marry me for that”, which some of my friends have pondered regarding their husbands. :frowning:

Anyway, you are not sinning when you find your fiance attractive. It’s a blessing, in my opinion, to be physically attracted to the person you love. Although yes, it does make waiting for the wedding night harder, I suppose! would pray to Our Blessed Mother to help you in your resolve. Saint Maria Goretti is also a good saint to pray for, to help with remaining chaste.


Not sure where you got that idea, but you’ll be relieved to find out it’s NOT TRUE!!

Sex is not just to make babies; spouses are supposed to enjoy eachother physically :thumbsup: .


I am sorry that you got the idea that being intimate with your spouse was only permitted if you were trying to have a child…and you were not permitted to enjoy it.

Please elaborate on where you heard these things, they are rather disturbing.

The marital embrace is a gift from God and is supposed to be enjoyed to it’s fullest! Couples are supposed to be open to life but that does not mean they are supposed to be intimate only when trying to conceive.

It is so wonderful that you are trying to be true to church teachings, but it can be very harmful to your faith if you are hearing and beleiving in false teachings. I will pray for you, congratulations on your engagement.


My fiance and I just borrowed some of the Christopher West talks on cd from our priest. It really spiced up a 4 hr drive back up to school in the blizzard. We listened to “Freedom to Love; Applying the Theology of the Body to Life and Relationships”. It was great, and I definitely recommend it to engaged couples.


read theology of the body for beginners by Christopher West immediately. read it together or buy 2 copies, read it this week, you have picked up bad info someplace.

you will remain chaste throughout your life, that is the only way for anyone to be free of sin. chastity for single people means, as well as right attitude toward sexuality and the body, abstinence from sex and all sexual expression that is reserved for marriage. chastity for married persons means respect and love for each other, fidelity, and making the full, free unrestricted gift and surrender each of self to other. that gift is impossible if it has already been given away before marriage. that gift is the essence of marriage, and the “fun” and pleasure attached to married sex, because it is free, full and complete, far surpasses anything you can imagine outside marriage. it is also a life-long learning experience you go through together, where you teach each other, so bringing in what has been learned elsewhere is a contamination of that joyous process as well.

If you have enjoyed full, free, total, joyous expression of married sexuality, no description is necessary. If you have not, no description is possible.


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