is there something wrong with me?

hello friends,

I am feeling very discouraged about something and need some advice.

I have a good priest guiding me as a spiritual director. He has helped me a lot. Lately the devil has been tempting me with horrible thoughts against him. Either I’m tempted to doubt and disobedience and to reject everything the priest said, or to terrible (and really annoying) impure thoughts. In either case I lose sight of the reality which is God working through this priest; both temptations emphasize the human aspect. Sadly I fell into temptation one time and agreed to the thoughts, but then repented and now I don’t allow them at all, I just distract myself whenever I get tempted either way. Our Blessed Mother and St Philomena have also been protecting and helping me. But I am feeling so discouraged… I don’t know why the devil has been after me like this - and I have no doubt that it is him because I don’t actually view my spiritual director negatively at all - but is that a good sign or a bad sign? Does it mean that indeed God has been working through this and the enemy is angry? Or, does it mean the opposite? Should I let him know about any of this - in very general terms…or not? I’ll say it in confession but I have to go to another priest for confession now cause my SD is too far away. I am also very sorrowful over the fact that I’ve allowed these temptations, but thankfully later on God helped me see how bad they are and now I’m very careful with them.

Please offer me some advice… thank you. I know this probably sounds very silly and I understand the temptations are very ridiculous, I don’t even know where they came from, - but it felt like something from the enemy to distract me. Im so ashamed of this and I also think it’s all very ridiculous, like I said, but it’s also discouraging and I don’t know what to do now. Has anything similar ever happened in the lives of the Saints?

Little_one, are these thoughts you have pretty much involuntary? Do they just pop into your head without any reason other that they just happen?

If so, then you might be exhibiting signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It might not be anything more than that.

yes they are involuntary but when they happen it’s really obvious to me they are temptations. They don’t happen all the time. After I gave into the temptations and then repented, after that they haven’t happened any more, - I put on St Philomena’s cord that I have, and they stopped. They were more feelings than thoughts actually. But I feel so bad about them, even though they don’t happen anymore. I feel really ashamed, though I recognize they didn’t originate with my own thoughts - I definitely view my spiritual director in the proper way. Should I mention anything to him at all?? though obviously in a general way. I can’t decide.

I think you should. I think if you explain it the you have explained it to me, then he will no doubt understand.

I would actually disagree with the previous poster…especially when it comes to the impure thoughts. While you are being very logical about the whole thing, telling your SD risks making your relationship very awkward for HIM. The enemy knows right where to hit us, doesn’t he?

You could bring it the next time you meet. It sounds like you are doing a good job resisting this temptation and your SD will help you put it into perspective. The enemy knows EXACTLY what faults and doubts of ours to zero in on and he will try to disturb you every chance he gets.

that is exactly my concern… I am worried that if I tell him, the enemy will just use that. I know that sounds presumptious perhaps but you never know right :frowning: what if I just say something very general like - the enemy has been trying to destroy all the ways that spiritual direction has been helping me, tempting me against it, etc… and then confess the rest of it to a priest in Confession (the part that was the sin)? I used to only go to Confession with my SD but now I live somewhere else so I’m finding a new confessor. the whole situation makes me so sad :frowning: my spiritual director knows so much about me at this point that I know I can be honest with him, but - in this particular case, I don’t want to make it awkward or uncomfortable for him, like you said.

I’m sure he would understand, but there’s also - what i wrote above…

yea he does know :frowning: I know the whole thing is silly when I look at it from the proper perspective… because the way I see my SD is soo different from this. It’s like the enemy was presenting an illusion to me and playing with my imagination. So sad that it actually distracted me. Now whenever I remember this, I just run from it.

Well hopefully after Confession I would feel better, because at this point I’m not sure how to face my SD without feeling all this guilt and shame. Clearly the devil gave me the temptation that he knew would trouble me the most.

the question is… WHY? why did all this happen? Is it because the enemy was angry at the ways that spiritual direction was helping me? because it helped quite a bit. And these ridiculous thoughts came from nowhere and aren’t based on anything… the reality is so different.

I have some thoughts that were negative as yours. I just let thoughts that they be here and after sometime after my ignorance they have disappeared.

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