I am thoroughly confused to the point of desperation.
At the beginning of Lent, after reading a book on exorcisms, a couple of Google’s later, I came across this webpage:
In essence, it is a vast transcript of an exorcism held in the 1970’s, and the demons claim to be speaking by proxy of Our Lady. Their revelations, led me to seek more information, which essentially led me to search for the SSPX and begin attending the old mass.
I have been 4 times, at first I enjoyed the humility it demanded, the reverence it displayed and the sheer simplicity of it all. Before last night’s Mass, I attended confession and asked the priest for advice on a query I have raised here previously.
I was told to completely dismiss it, accused of spiritual vanity and told I wasn’t special, in a mocking tone I might add. My point is he made me feel like **** and that I had sincerely bothered him with such nonsense. Anyway, it has been playing on my mind and today I attended the new mass at my local church I used to attend, prior to Lent. Partly due to this, but mainly for sheer convenience as it would have taken me 2 hours to get there today.
The new mass seemed so vulgar and commercial in comparison, I cringed at the readings, the people taking hosts in their hands and lay people distributing the host. It made me want to go back to the old mass, which I will probably do for Holy Saturday.
Ok, so back to my question; I have laid such wilful conviction in this webpage and am just not certain that I am doing the right thing. The words from the demons seem to make sense and I do appreciate that scripture tells us again and again of the devils deceptiveness, for some reason I just felt that God meant for me to read that page.
I keep reading posts on here about the SSPX in schism and the SSPX should be avoided etc but then I think the SSPX ARE following the right path and perhaps thats why they are ostracised.
Then the weird buzzy thing happened while I was praying the rosary again this week and I am just thoroughly thoroughly confused and stressed about it all. I don’t want to offend God by going to the wrong Mass, but then I don’t want to attend a church when I don’t trust the priest. I have prayed for guidance, but sometimes I can’t tell whether the thoughts coming into my head are angels or demons telling me what to do. If I hear a thought telling me to go to the SSPX church, is it a demon getting me into to trouble or an angel telling me the right thing to do, or am I just borderline schizophrenic!
Sorry about the length of this; I find this forum fascinating and know that you guys will be able to help me.