Is this a normal brother-sister relationship?


#1

they tickle and hug each other in public (while their family don't allow non-married couples to even holding hands everywhere)

they like to touch each other's belly's skin (inside the cloth), because they say that it's soft, and they just like to touch it

they are about 30 years old and still sleep together in the same room, on the same king size bed

they often change clothes and shorts while the other is also in the room (except the underwear only)

they don't have any sexual intentions though, those are just habits.

they are my boyfriend and his big sister, who is 2 years older than him and she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. so is this only a jealousy from me, or is this relationship not right indeed? i need your opinions here, because if this is normal and only my jealousy, then i admit i'm wrong, i will change my own thought, and be more positive. but if the opposite, if their relationship is not right, what do you think i should do about it?

about the hugging thing, i'm okay with that though. i do think that's normal. maybe only jealousy since their family don't even allow us to hold hands (we do that while they're not around though. hey come on which couples don't even hold hands?). it's not because they don't like me or anything, they just don't allow non married couples to do that. so i can't understand how could they allow brothers and sisters to do those things then?

thanks all


#2

no it's not. better keep your eyes open on this one.


#3

[quote="justme_x101, post:1, topic:208354"]
they tickle and hug each other in public (while their family don't allow non-married couples to even holding hands everywhere)

they like to touch each other's belly's skin (inside the cloth), because they say that it's soft, and they just like to touch it
**
**they are about 30 years old and still sleep together in the same room, on the same king size bed

they often change clothes and shorts while the other is also in the room (except the underwear only)

they don't have any sexual intentions though, those are just habits.

they are my boyfriend and his big sister, who is 2 years older than him and she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. so is this only a jealousy from me, or is this relationship not right indeed? i need your opinions here, because if this is normal and only my jealousy, then i admit i'm wrong, i will change my own thought, and be more positive. but if the opposite, if their relationship is not right, what do you think i should do about it?

about the hugging thing, i'm okay with that though. i do think that's normal. maybe only jealousy since their family don't even allow us to hold hands (we do that while they're not around though. hey come on which couples don't even hold hands?). it's not because they don't like me or anything, they just don't allow non married couples to do that. so i can't understand how could they allow brothers and sisters to do those things then?

thanks all

[/quote]

:eek:!!!!!

Uhhh...dump him sorry. This is whacked stuff. "close" family is one thing, inappropriate behavior is another. This reminds me of a couple of teenage kids I know. Brother and sister that hold eachother close while she rubs against him...messed up! :eek: The fact they are in their 30's makes it more inappropriate in my opinion ie they should know better. Sleeping in the same bed? Hugging, rubbing tummys? If it's not incestual yet it will be...there's boyfriends and girlfriends that don't even go this far... The whole thing is just gross. Tell the guy enough of the weird sister stuff or I'm gone.


#4

[quote="justme_x101, post:1, topic:208354"]
they tickle and hug each other in public (while their family don't allow non-married couples to even holding hands everywhere)

I'm sorry, but 30 year olds should be past the whole tickling in public thing. Maybe when you're 7, but not 30.

they like to touch each other's belly's skin (inside the cloth), because they say that it's soft, and they just like to touch it

That's highly disturbing. Two grown ups should not be acting this way.

they are about 30 years old and still sleep together in the same room, on the same king size bed

This is the clincher for me. Last time I slept in the same bed as my sibling was when I was like 10 or something, and that was my brother, not my sisters! :eek:

they often change clothes and shorts while the other is also in the room (except the underwear only)

Yikes!

they don't have any sexual intentions though, those are just habits.

they are my boyfriend and his big sister, who is 2 years older than him and she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. so is this only a jealousy from me, or is this relationship not right indeed? i need your opinions here, because if this is normal and only my jealousy, then i admit i'm wrong, i will change my own thought, and be more positive. but if the opposite, if their relationship is not right, what do you think i should do about it?

You do well to question this activity. I suggest you separate yourself from this person, at least from your current relationship. There is something wrong with a person who acts this way.

about the hugging thing, i'm okay with that though. i do think that's normal. maybe only jealousy since their family don't even allow us to hold hands (we do that while they're not around though. hey come on which couples don't even hold hands?). it's not because they don't like me or anything, they just don't allow non married couples to do that. so i can't understand how could they allow brothers and sisters to do those things then?

A brother hugging a sister is fine, but the activity you are describing seems more fitting to a married couple than a brother and sister.

thanks all

[/quote]

Replies in bold.


#5

Wow… the sleeping-in-the-same-bed-thing could definitely be cause for some serious temptation…

His family sounds pretty conservative. Are they Catholic? Perhaps you could get him to go to his priest and discuss this.


#6

I think I'd start running. It's not a normal healthy relationship, and at their age!... I'm afraid I'd be on the cautious side of gullible. They say there are no sexual intentions! The behaviour you detail...So they're not human then? Even if innocent, it sounds like marriage to your boyfriend could include both of them since they have not physically or emotionally separated from each other into normal adult human relationship.

May God give you protection and a genuine chance at happiness in a balanced relationship with a very good man.
God bless you.


#7

I find that normal…

I find that odd…

No, that’s not normal. I can see sleeping in the same bed with my brother under not normal circumstances, but not an every day occurence. For example, when we moved from one state to another, and were both physically exhausted, we just both plopped down on a bed fully clothed and slept for a while. I actually can’t think of another time since we were small children. And we don’t change clothes in front of each other either.

But they are strange and abnormal habits.

I would run from that family. Some of those things (like the sleeping together and changing clothes in front of each other – regularly) put out red flags. And IMOHO it would be in your best interest to consider those red flags.


#8

This is very odd, at least for Western culture.

It’s *possible *that such behaviors are the norm in some other cultures. But it would seem that this family is living in a Western society and, even if innocent, such behaviors are just asking for trouble.


#9

[quote="justme_x101, post:1, topic:208354"]
they are about 30 years old . . . their family don't even allow us to hold hands (we do that while they're not around though. hey come on which couples don't even hold hands?). it's not because they don't like me or anything, they just don't allow non married couples to do that.

[/quote]

Others have elaborated on the other points, so I just wanted to juxtapose the above two parts of your post. If they're thirty, then they're grown adults. How can his family "not allow" him to do something, especially something so clearly innocuous as holding hands? How can "their family" forbid you two to hold hands when you're grown adults who are under no obligation to obey them, especially when their standards are so absurd and hyper-puritanical?

That said, the other points are far more startling. What I just commented on is the least abnormal part, so perhaps due to the context, I'm making mountains out of molehills.


#10

I may be totally naive on this one… I’m an only child (and a convert; well technically I have some half-brothers but I don’t know them that well). But anyway, why would that constitute a “serious temptation”? Granted, this situation seems somewhat strange, but on what basis would a brother and sister sleeping together be tempting? Wouldn’t you have to be strange to begin with to be attracted to your sister?

Because if you weren’t disposed to be attracted to your sister, why would sleeping arrangements actually have any relevance?

I’m not saying the setup doesn’t sound weird. But that temptation comment is puzzling to me.


#11

[quote="Adeodatus, post:10, topic:208354"]
I may be totally naive on this one... I'm an only child (and a convert; well technically I have some half-brothers but I don't know them that well). But anyway, why would that constitute a "serious temptation"? Granted, this situation seems somewhat strange, but on what basis would a brother and sister sleeping together be tempting? Wouldn't you have to be strange to begin with to be attracted to your sister?

Because if you weren't disposed to be attracted to your sister, why would sleeping arrangements actually have any relevance?

I'm not saying the setup doesn't sound weird. But that temptation comment is puzzling to me.

[/quote]

Children of opposite sexes should have separate sleeping arrangements from about 5 or 6 years old, but, certainly from the age of puberty.

When the hormones start kicking in, almost any body can be tempting. Incest happens, and it happens much more frequently when inappropriate living conditions are the norm.

Flee from this family. Your boyfriend and his sister are sleeping in the same bed! Their parents apparently do not see anything wrong with this! This is a VERY dysfunctional family. You do not need these problems in your life!


#12

Ma’am, with all due respect to everyone involved, run away from this situation. Freaky does not begin to describe it.


#13

I just want to make sure I understand some of the relevant facts:

At nearly 30 years old:
[LIST]
*] lives at home with parents
*] regularly sleeps in the same bed with his sister
*] is told what he can and can't do by his parents
*] changes clothing in front of his sister
*] touches his sister underneath her clothing
[/LIST]

None of the above sounds normal. We're just going on your short description, so I don't think we're qualified to say "run for the hills", but it sounds extremely problematic and not normal.


#14

Is it a normal relationship....um, no.


#15

When I read the first line or 2, I thought you were referring to small children…when I saw that they sleep in the same bed at 30…:eek:

It might not be sinful…but it goes against most social norms in the west…


#16

what is their ethnicity/culture?


#17

Creepy. I've seen twins sometimes act very close but that's not the case here. I would steer clear of this family. Wonder if they've had sexual abuse in the family. Hate to point fingers but that type of abuse often warps it's victims as to how and with whom physical affection should be shown. :shrug: No that I know from personal experience this is just what I've heard and read.:shrug:


#18

[quote="PPeterson, post:16, topic:208354"]
what is their ethnicity/culture?

[/quote]

I'm not sure it matters. Even if the most liberal of cultures, it would still be -ahem- strange behavior.


#19

[quote="Joan_M, post:11, topic:208354"]

When the hormones start kicking in, almost any body can be tempting. Incest happens, and it happens much more frequently when inappropriate living conditions are the norm.

[/quote]

This.

Perhaps we should all offer a prayer for this family... :gopray:


#20

thank you all for your responses and good suggestions..

actually i'm a bit shocked seeing that no one said it was normal. i thought i might get some "it's normal" answers from some western, forgive me. because our culture is eastern, which is not as liberal as the western. if it's not okay for the western, then looks like it's worse for us.

alright so, to answer some of your questions, and for further information, my boyfriend studied and works out of town since college. he went home every weekend while he was in college. and now he works in the town where i live (we're not living together), and goes home every 2 weeks.

so those are what happen when he's at home. they only have 2 bedrooms with air cons in their house (we live in a tropical country, so it's so hot to sleep without air cons), so while their parents take 1 room, there's only 1 room with air cons left for him and his sister. and maybe because his sister never has a boyfriend yet, and he only had once (a 5 month only relationship 6 years ago), before we met 2 years ago, this is what makes them still close after many years, and not aware to change their habits, thinking it's still the same with the time when they were still kids, nothing's changed.

more information, actually they are a good family, they are very polite to others, they do charity a lot sincerely, they help people a lot, everything is great except this brother-sister relationship. my parents also like him a lot, because he's very polite and respectful towards older people. he also loves me very much and really cares for me.

i used to talk to him about the change clothing thing in front of his sister. he said he would begin to change this habit, although it won't be too quick, too extreme. he wants to avoid any problems that might occur in his family, if his family notices something really different suddenly happen. so starting from himself, he said he's begun not to do that in front of his sister, and it would become more and more often until they're used to it. i see this as a good enough response from him.

i haven't asked about it again, i will do it after some time. because i don't want to sound 'too controlling', after all it's his internal family matter and i haven't been a family member yet. he used to say though, if one of them has been married, things would be different, because the situation has been different.

so what i'm wondering right now.. is this possibly my Cross, to pray and pray and pray, for this relationship and this family to get better and better, or is this only my stupidity to go on with him and his family?


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