Is this a serious enough reason for avoiding pregnancy?


#1

Hi there. I use naturally family planning and I know that the reasons for avoiding/postponing pregnancy must be serious enough to justify. I am a new mom who had a very difficult pregnancy (physically and emotionally) and for psychological/emotional reasons, I can't imagine going through it all again. Is this a sufficiently serious reason for avoiding/postponing pregnancy while using natural family planning, even indefinitely? I will never say never, but I honestly can't imaging going through it all again. Is this just selfish of me? :confused: Thank you for the feedback.


#2

I think you can go to nearby hospital do a small surgery for this…It is a minor operation and After 12 hours you can return to house

Or you can use some common methods to avoid pregnancy but none of them are 100% trustable


#3

[quote="NurseyJ, post:1, topic:209412"]
Hi there. I use naturally family planning and I know that the reasons for avoiding/postponing pregnancy must be serious enough to justify. I am a new mom who had a very difficult pregnancy (physically and emotionally) and for psychological/emotional reasons, I can't imagine going through it all again. Is this a sufficiently serious reason for avoiding/postponing pregnancy while using natural family planning, even indefinitely? I will never say never, but I honestly can't imaging going through it all again. Is this just selfish of me? :confused: Thank you for the feedback.

[/quote]

HI I am so sorry you have suffered so much with your first pregnancy.I understand completely how you feel.It would be a good idea to chat to your priest about this in detail,he will be able to advise you well. Also make an appointment with your doctor about how you are feeling.I wish you well.God bless you


#4

[quote="NurseyJ, post:1, topic:209412"]
Hi there. I use naturally family planning and I know that the reasons for avoiding/postponing pregnancy must be serious enough to justify. I am a new mom who had a very difficult pregnancy (physically and emotionally) and for psychological/emotional reasons, I can't imagine going through it all again. Is this a sufficiently serious reason for avoiding/postponing pregnancy while using natural family planning, even indefinitely? I will never say never, but I honestly can't imaging going through it all again. Is this just selfish of me? :confused: Thank you for the feedback.

[/quote]

Hi and welcome to the forums! :)

First off... how old is your little one?
It is SO SO normal to have a challenging time in the first several months... even years! You certainly need to allow yourself to fully heal (emotionally, psychologically, physically) after having a baby - that alone can be very just reasoning for avoiding/postponing pregnancy.
Sure, if these issues were serious/grave enough then it could, potentially, be reason to avoid indefinitely... but would you really want to live day after day with those issues without seeking resolution? After a certain period of time, if you are still struggling psychologically/emotionally, then it may be wise to seek medical/psychological help from a professional to help you work through these issues. Not only would it help you fully move on and heal in your life, but it would allow you to reevaluate the need to use NFP.

I completely sympathize... I had horrific pregnancies and have dealt with postpartum depression and challenging, colicky infants. But, by the grace of God and through outside help, I've been able to slowly heal after each pregnancy. NFP has been a complete blessing during those times!

Prayers for you!


#5

Speak to your Gyno 1st! Your health is number 1!! Especially now that you've got a lil one. Don't risk doing damage to your-self or even risk dying during another birth! There is always adoption:p So many un-wanted children in the world that need good loving homes, also I suggest a V-Ultra-sound if you haven't had one to see if there is any tissue damage, increase in your uterus, endometrosis or adneomiosis because if you want to have another lil one, you must make sure you've got none of those serious conditons:) God Bless D


#6

I also had a terrible time with my last birth. My first two babies were sections, probably, I realized later, unnecessary or caused by the hospital. I worked really hard to avoid that last time, and ended up with my GP and the OB yelling at me, while I was in active labour, and the head OB saying I had to do what they wanted or they would send me to the big hospital in an ambulance, an hour away. Even though I had signed a waiver, and what I was asking was not unreasonable. They even tried to scare me by telling me I had a "10% chance of death" which I knew was a misrepresentation, but it speaks to their mind-set. I caved and got sectioned again (which was so stupid, I feel like a weak moron) and now the idea of a hospital again terrifies me.

Sooo - I also do not know what to do either:shrug:. My little guy is 7 months old, and I am probably becoming fertile soon based on the signs, if I'm not already. I am hoping a bit of time and distance will help.

I'm afraid I don't have much advise. But I will say that one pregnancy can be very different from another one. Also, you know now what you might expect, so you can plan to deal with it. Looking for resources for that might be your first step.


#7

It seems to me that you have gotten generally good advice here. Certainly, the circumstances you describe could be a serious reason, IMO; however, that is up to the couple to prayerfully discern. Remember, the God of the Universe trusts you and your hubby to prayerfully apply the guidance of His Church to your particular situation. Awesome, eh?

However, I think the larger point is that there is no need to make decisions about the rest of your married life in this moment. You need only discern whether you have serious reasons to postpone for right now. When the couple is fertile, ideally this is a conversation that happens every month, as you know. After a difficult pregnancy, and with challenges of being new parents, it may be a short conversation, but it should still be undertaken once fertility returns.

I wholeheartedly concur with Em. If you have reasons to postpone, what are you doing to address those issues (the hypothetical you, not you personally, nursey)? That has always been the practice of my bride and I as well - - if we discerned reason to postpone, what steps are we going to take to address those reasons? Also, that is not to assume automatically that the answer to the discernment would change once those issues are addressed, as the discernment is ongoing.

Side note to johnmathew: I understand your advice to be for the OP to get sterilized. That is very poor advice, on a number of levels, and particularly so because the OP, self-identified as Catholic, seeks advice on Catholic discussion board about whether she has serious reasons to use NFP to postpone another pregnancy. By what stretch of the imagination do you suppose the OP to be seeking non-Catholic solutions? I have never understood the motives of the poster who posts advice 100% opposed to Church teaching on a Catholic discussion board when the poster is seeking solutions consistent with, not opposed to, the poster's Catholic faith. How is that helpful? If you are somehow misinformed about Catholic teaching regarding sterilization, perhaps you should familiarize yourself with it before posting advice to those sincerely seeking guidance.


#8

Talk to your priest. Our priest, when we went through pre-maritla counseling, said that we were to have as many children as we could CARE FOR and to take all things (our mental health, care for those we already have, our physical health and even financial health) into account.

My guess is that you are fine to avoid pregnancy for awhile. Get your feet back under you, get some rest, go to Mass regularly and give it a couple of months. Within a year, your view may become very different. Again, go WITH your husband and talk with your priest.

Taben


#9

While there are some reasons to avoid pregnancy indefinitely, I think it is problematic for us to declare shortly after birth that that is certainly what will happen. In fact, I think even making such a declaration a year after birth might be unwise. The birth of my 2nd child traumatized me mentally. It was a healthy, uncomplicated delivery, but the way it happened, really freaked me out. And after this happened, in fact for EIGHTEEN months, after her birth, I said, "I can't imagine doing it again." Even so, I never said that I wouldn't do it again, I held out the possibility that I would get over the fear, and I did. The reality is, pregnancy, and infancy can be very difficult. And often when you're in the thick of it, you say things like NEVER AGAIN. But to really make that decision, at least through the lense of faith, you need to have a little objectivity, and this requires time.

So yes, I would say (although YOUR moral decisions are not up to me, but are between you and God, possibly with the help of a good spiritual advisor), that it might be appropriate for you avoid pregnancy for now. But I wouldn't make any declarations about it being forever, or this being your last child just yet.

A couple of distinctions that you will be able to make with more perspective:

  1. On the physical aspect of pregnancy: Very difficult vs. dangerous - if your OB (and a 2nd opinion) tells you it is dangerous to get pregnant again, then by all means, heed his/her advice. However, there are plenty of cases in which an OB initially says that it is dangerous, and then a few years down the line says that it would probably be ok because your body has had time to rest, or because the OB has learned something new that changes their opinion. So you still may want to revisit the issue in the future, and for that reason, I still would be hesitant to say "THIS IS DEFINITELY MY LAST."

  2. On the Emotional: Very difficult vs. truly unbearable (bordering on dangerous) - Here, your doctor may have input as well, if you have mental health issues that pregnancy or infancy exacerbates. Same idea as #1. In some cases, you and your dh might be the best judge of this though, because you know how your everyday life is affected. Is it several months of difficulty and unpleasantness? If so, a new life might be worth that. Is it unbearable, and causing irreparable damage, or risking that? Then avoiding another pregnancy might be worth it. Again, give yourself some time to make that judgement though. Things often look better when you're not in the middle of the difficult situation. Or if not better, repeatable.

In General: Impossible to imagine now vs. impossible to happen ever. I think I've covered this already. Give yourself some time. And for the sake of deferring to God's will, it is my opinion that declarations of THE LAST ONE are probably not the best.

Prayers for your discernment. This stuff isn't easy.


#10

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