They have college mass. I liked it. I made friends. A really good-looking guy is going there. I feel distracted by his presence and a little envious when I see him talking to other girls. It sucks I really like some of the friends I made. I feel like I should not be going because I daydream about him. I do not feel like I can be myself when he is around. I AM VERY NERVOUS. Now I have go back to mass with the old people. LOL.
Well, you could go back to mass with the old people.
Or you could continue going to the college mass, since those apparently are young people that you feel more comfortable with, We go to mass, of course, for Our Lord’s sake, and fellowship is a helpful benefit.
If you do decide to continue at the college mass, you could do several things about your crush on this guy, One is pray for him every time you see or think of him – pray for his salvation and that of his family. You can guard your eyes and not look at him. You can sit where he’s not in your line of sight, on the other side of the church, for example. You can think, if the creature is so appealing, how much more so will it be to meet his creator, who is infinitely adorable?
This made me laugh so hard. “guard your eyes”
I met my wife at a church event. She was certainly a distraction for me. I’m not suggesting this guy is your future husband, but church is definitely a great place to meet a potential spouse. If you only go to mass with the old folks, how will you meet your future spouse? Spoiler alert - it won’t be at a bar.
Some distraction is inevitable. If you feel so distracted that you are not particaping properly in the mass, perhaps go to another mass as well (not instead of). I think it’s important to have fellowship with people of a similar age and yes, potentially meet people of the oppostie sex and see if things develop. It’s also important to give time to God. I think you should try to make time for both, but it’s really up to you whether you think the distraction is so serious that you need to change your current approach.
It is not a sin to day dream at mass. (Very few would make it to heaven if it were. ;))
Don’t say that “future husband” I am getting my hopes up. Lol.
One should do one’s best to focus on God rather than worldly things during Mass. Sometimes our minds will wander; when we notice that has happened we should gently bring our mind back to where it belongs. If we decide to continue daydreaming, yes it can be a sin! So don’t keep going when you notice it has happened.
I had a similar reaction when I first started learning about this but it is a very good thing to learn. We should “have custody of our eyes,” to be in charge of where our eyes look rather than letting them wander wherever they want to go. We expect young men to do that when they are around scantily-clad young women, don’t we? Fantasies of romance can be just as dangerous to young women as certain types of images to men, so guard your imagination as well: your imagination should be under the control of your will and not be allowed to wander wherever it wants to go either.
And then we learn custody of the mind… Not to grumble and complain but to keep our minds on the good things instead.
Based on the way you are responding to this thread, I get the impression that you are quite young, and perhaps not mature enough to enter into a relationship.
There are a few questions you should consider:
What are your intentions concerning guys you like? Do you just want to be around them for the excitement, or do you want to be married some day?
How much do you value your faith? Do you consider God to be the person you want to please the most?
Altogether, what is the one thing you want most right now? Is it physical, social, spiritual? You can choose more that one thing, but for now just focus on realizing what your ultimate goals are in life.
If you could try to answer a few of these questions to us here in this thread, it may enable us to help you.
I am not young. I am just a late bloomer. I just want to talk to guys I like. I guess I get quickly ahead of myself and head into fantasy land. Most people my age are married. For whatever reason, I am not ready. I cannot imagine myself getting married but I probably will. I don’t know if I value my faith. I am afraid to suffer for God. Sorry, it scares me. I am already depressed enough. Why add more suffering? For what? It annoys me I have these super strict guidelines I must adhere to, and others are free to live how they please. I am not better than them nor should I judge or condemn them. If it is wrong for me to fornicate, why isn’t it wrong for my neighbor? I know I have issues with envy, jealousy, pettiness and a very wandering eye. I just want to have friends.
This is a sin too. Fantasizing about romance? Why?
Well, it can lead to envy, fantasizing about sinful acts, etc., so maybe it’s more of a near occasion of sin (temptation) than it is a sin itself. But it’s also a bad policy: sometimes people imagine a lot of conversations with the person they are romantically interested in and then end up having an imaginary relationship or an idealized boyfriend and are then hit by the reality, iyswim. This can lead to a lot of trouble.
The imagination is something that can pull us around really easily, so it is good to get it under your control. God gave us our imaginations to use for good reasons, not merely to amuse ourselves with, so we want to keep it corralled rather than letting it wander and pull us all over the place. Consider what happens sometimes when people get angry: let’s say the cashier is rude to me at the store, and then I think of something I could have said to her at that time, and then I imagine how I will talk to her the next time I see her, and I end up a lot angrier than I started out, right? That’s one little way our imagination can drag us around.
It sounds like you like going to mass with people your age, so if I were you I would keep going there. As for the guy try talking to him nothing bad can come from that right?
I understand what you mean. I do not think it is the worse possible thing ever. Sure, it may not be ideal.
It’s not the worst possible thing ever, but the problem is that it is one of those habits that grows, and there aren’t any boundaries that one notices. Like if you bite your fingernails and do it more and more, you run out of fingernails and fingernail, right? But this just keeps on going, and is generally consistent about providing pleasure, so it can be very dangerous.
As with everything, common sense must prevail.
I can relate to your being distracted during mass. It’s normal and good to be attracted to other young men at Mass! But, I understand that you’re afraid of having mixed motives. Sometimes we can’t help how we feel and what our motives are, but we can pray that God will purify them. Try to relax!
I think that you should watch this video by Sarah Swafford: youtube.com/watch?v=bYmGHj1ZZo8
Hope that helps!