Is this dating or what it's somewhat like?


#1

I have a real close friend of the male population that I’ve become attracted to over the past two years. We’ve known each other many years growing up in the same school up until high school. We became really close friends going into high school and are continuing to strengthen that friendship.

Freshman year, we talked some but I was really socially awkward and shy (still am but not nearly as bad :o). We had a retreat with our youth group and I was outside one evening and he came and joined me for a walk and we had a nice chat. That really sparked some emotions. We also started going to our high school plays together.

Going into sophomore year (this year), we’ve become significantly closer. Steubenville that summer we hung around each other quite a bit (he taught me swing dance :D). We started hanging out together more often, mostly with mutual friends. This school year we have started going to Mass once a week together. We talk a lot sometimes on the car ride, and sometimes we are just silently enjoying the company of each other.

All of this, Mass especially, is developing a bunch of feelings. I am really interested in getting to know him better. Researching signs of attraction, I know he is interested in me as well.

What I’m wondering is: would you consider this “dating” in the unspoken, unofficial terminology and our acknowledge of it? Is it ok to be attracted like this to everything about him at this age? I want to date him sometime but I want him to be the pursuer, what is a good way to approach such a relationship in the future?

(FYI both of us are devoted Catholics and are absolutely against premarital sex or temptations of it, clothing included and, depending for me anyways, kissing if it turns to making out and beyond) I am not rushing into any of this either and would rather approach in a healthy way like I currently think we are


#2

Sounds awfully like dating to me. Wait for the first fight. That always makes intentions clear. LOL. Good luck. Say a prayer that he makes his position very clear so you can clear your mind of all those silly ‘what ifs’. Don’t overthink.


#3

Well I’m not exactly sure if you could call any of these events in themselves a “date”, because 1) it isn’t usually an exclusive one-on-one event, and 2) because the express purpose of the events have not been for “courtship”, just “companionship”.

However, I would say that I think that the scenarios you have described are a very healthy way for a relationship to develop, and I think you and he have acted just right so far.
If you are of age, the next steps would definitely include having a real “date”, in the sense of an exclusive, courtship-oriented get-together.


#4

There are obvious signs of attractions here,it might develope into something very powerful ,
Which is reall good and natural, all I can say is go for it,

You can help it along by brushing your hand against his etc,

It’s likely he is shy & awkward , so who cares if you take the first step,


#5

Ok thanks for the input. Just wanted to get an outside view. I’m doing my best but I’m a bit more shy and award than he is, lol. I’m praying about this and for guidance but just unsure when a time to even date would be. Don’t want to rush things but don’t want to wait too long. Hoping he’ll ask me but I’ve faith in God’s timing. God bless you all, i’ll pray for you all as well.


#6

I think it’s the “getting to know you” stage… you are quietly inquiring about it because of the certain emotions and experiences you have with him, while he doesn’t seem to share much with you (otherwise you wouldn’t be asking others for advice). I don’t think you’re meant to know right now what to make of all of this. Honestly, a lot can happen in a matter of high school years and beyond. Be patient with yourself & God…don’t take each experience with him personal (only time will later exemplify his intentions of it all), strive to put God at the center of your life & see if this guy friend is “running with you” along your faith journey. Pray for this guy friend, though, to not hide behind the bush of his intentions, but for God to perhaps provide someday the moment for you both to share your feelings…wait on God to lead it going anywhere or not, because Christ knows everything.


#7

yes that is dating, take it slow and build it up on the foundation that holds you and him on solid ground.


#8

Yeah, it seems an awful lot like dating to me. Sometimes though, people end up dating by “accident”. Like in your situation, you’re just getting to know each other at first and then you gradually develop deeper feelings. There’s nothing wrong with that really. It’s probably best it happens that way as you have a chance to become good friends before romantic feelings develop. I’d say if you want him to make it official, drop a few hints. Us men can be a bit thick when it comes to this sort of thing. :slight_smile:


#9

It sounds like it, but I would talk to him and ask about it. I know it’s awkward, but with the right person you can be open and honest!! If you want a relationship, ask if he’s interested in dating etc…no need to get serious, just date and get to know eachother and pray about the future of the relationship.
It’s definitely ok to feel attraction to someone…that’s how we are drawn to one another after all. It’s what you do with it that’s important. In the teen years, hormones are also rampant. That’s normal. Again…it depends how we control those feelings.

I would make sure you clarify the relationship to avoid hurt feelings…I had a male friend years ago that I thought was interested in me and that we were sort-of dating…we were actually just really good friends and that was all he wanted. It was hurtful at the time, but years later I met my now-husband, so I know it wasn’t meant to be!

I really admire your commitment to keep chaste, keep that commitment strong in your heart and pray to the Blessed Virgin to help.

God bless.


#10

Thanks everyone. I working on it ;). i’m a rather introverted person though so its slightly more of a challenge. I’ll get the guts when i really feel like the moment is right and i get the voice that tells me to be bold.

I just don’t want to jump in too quickly because I really want to do all that I can to ensure we go about it right. I don’t want it to be all fireworks, with hand holding, his arm around me, sending back and forth sweet texts, etc. All of that can come in its own time. I just want a “love that comes softly”, if that makes sense. Not saying that I love him in that way right now, but that’s ultimately what I want in a relationship with my HTB.

I want to date him now, but I want to allow enough time for him as well. I’ll work on dropping hints but i don’t think right now is time to open up completely yet. Soon, but not quite now. I’m not really afraid of what he’ll think. I just really want to go about this right. God first. Spiritual relationship with Him and each other I find is most important to strengthen.

I’m praying about this every night. All of the time. My HTB and this young man. I often wonder if they are the same person. I am starting to get the feeling that he really may be the one, but I cannot know that for sure right now. So I also pray for this friend and his future wife. Praying that if I’m not the one, I shape him up well enough for her. He deserves a wonderful wife and if I am not she I hope that my influence on him will help him with his relationship with her and with God. I just want him to be happy is all.


#11

youngsterat16,

Being an introverted person is more beneficial than bringing challenges… embrace that gift by following your intuition (the Holy Spirit within the soul)… you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, not even the guy you currently like. Just be YOU and the right man someday (whoever that is in God’s timing) will love you for YOU without jumping to conclusions.

Most importantly to keep in mind is that Christ captivates your heart, mind, & soul before your interest in any guy comes along… He is the only one that truly knows you inside and out. He is the best resource to inquire what to make of all that you’re experiencing with this guy friend… He knows what’s going on, what will happen, etc… ask Him for guidance, patience, etc. to understand. Whatever is God’s reason for all of this, enjoy getting to know the friend as and take it easy… it isn’t clear yet what this guy’s intentions with you are. It’s one thing to desire to put God first, and it’s another to actually do that… meaning: easier said than done (my reason for sharing why Christ is important at the core). When you put Christ at the center of your life, no question will likely be needed how He can provide for you… let Him be the first to know what your feelings, intentions, etc are about this guy friend… He is waiting for you to share, in order to share with you in different ways His plan to unfold. Waiting for a “love that comes softly” is exactly what love relationships should be if done chastely, but you have plenty of time to prepare for that by continuing to pray for your future husband and your friend. There are many fish in the sea, but perhaps one of them is the best match… let God prepare the right fit for your in His time & you won’t be disappointed.


#12

I would encourage you to stop trying to put a label on it, and just enjoy your time together. Whatever it is, it will be. But please, slow down your thinking and stop thinking this will lead to marriage. I am not going to say it never happens, but if you are as awkward and shy as you say you are, you may be reading more into things than is actually there. Many of us were 16 once too, you know, :rolleyes: and few of us married the person we dated at the time. If you want him to pursue you, then you are going to have to wait for his timing. If he is interested, he will let you know, no need to have a big conversation about it from you. Slow down girl! :wink: It sounds like a nice friendship, and that is what everyone should start out as. Pray for patience. :slight_smile:


#13

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