So, I used to post on the prior version of this forum under another name. I wasn’t sure if I could get that back, and I am too embarrassed to post under it, anyway. I used to be very Catholic-curious but the abuse scandals really set me back. But I certainly do hold to what I see as basic Christian morality, the Ten Commandments, etc.
Anyway, I “met” a gentleman online last year who I really got along with. At first, I didn’t know he was married. I don’t think he was trying to hide it, it just never came up. A few months into our friendship I did find out he had a wife, and felt rather disappointed, but figured it best to step back and limit our interactions.
However, a few months ago, I got sucked into this friendship again, and even more intensely than before. We have also had off-line interactions via cell phone / texting. This is NOT “sexting”, I don’t think we’ve ever discussed sexual topics at all, but every time I get attention from him, I get a little emotional thrill. It has gotten to the point that I have started to have fantasies about kissing him. I think the lockdown has actually kept me from being tempted to suggest we meet up in person. But it seems that will be ending soon in my region.
I know what the right thing is to do here, and I have tried again to step away, but I am going through a lot of stress right now, and the idea of totally giving him up, makes me very sad, as he is one of the few highlights of my life right now. I am also feeling a lot of guilt and shame. Any advice would be appreciated.