Is this self-pity and is it sinful?

Today I have had a really hard day. At the evening, I was very sad and tears started to go from my eyes. At first, I tried to stop it because self-pity is maybe sinful. Last week I explained this situation to a priest and he said that it isn’t mortal sin, but I didn’t understand is it sin at all. I think he said that it isn’t… However, he maybe misunderstood me and he is maybe even wrong… Anyways, I asked God to help me and Blessed Virgin Mary to pray for me. And then, probably as result of prayer, my crying stopped, but I felt dissapointed. I feel better when I cry. However, now I am glad it stopped. When I cry a lot, I feel really empty, and now I felt OK when crying stopped. While crying I immagined how others would treat me differently, in a more loving, or at least, in a kinder way. There are some reasons why it could be sinful:

  1. self-pity may be denial of God’s mercy and resistance in carrying our crosses (although I am not sure what is the difference between feeling sad for our problems and self-pity).
  2. st. Augustine in his “Confessions” writes that he fought sad feelings inside him when his mother died and he asked God to forgive him if he sinned by crying for 15 minutes in his bed. If he is afraid that he sinned by crying because his mother died, then I must supress crying because of my problems.
  3. Jesus died for my sins, shouldn’t I supress crying for much smaller things?
  4. It is harder to pray
    5 it is possible that God answered my prayers by stopping sad feelings. That may indicate that they were sinful
    In my head there are also arguments that say action wasn’t sinful:
  5. I expirience my life, so it is natural to be sad for bad things in my life. I don’t expierience other people’s lives so I can’t feel feelings for other people’s problems.
  6. feelings don’t matter
  7. I was upset, so the fact that it is harder to pray doesn’t indicate that action is sinful.
    Was this action sinful?
    Please answer question directly, by saying is it sinful, not is it good and should it be repeated.

Many of the saints cried during their difficulties!
God understands that.

I read in St Louis de Monfort and St therese of Liseux’s writings,
It’s better for us if we try not to cry, because that we can keep our joy, peace, love, happiness, positivity , strength,

St Padre Pio wrote: ‘Never dwell on sadness in your soul, because this inhibits the work of the Holy Spirit in your soul.’
The Holy Spirit is joy! The bible says; ‘rejoice in all things.’ Meaning: be positive. See the good! Ignore the difficulties, tell a relative or friend about them -works for me!

Only if your intention for crying was full blown complete unforgiveness/ hatred/ jealousy could it be a mortal sin I think

But crying for wrong reasons can give us negative thought patterns:
We are what we think. It’s an act of the will.
You have to decide; ‘It’s just a cross. That person may not be very nice to me but I will do right and ask God to bless them. This situation may be difficult but God is looking to do much good in me here that he could not do anywhere else!’
Speak positive thoughts over everything. It works.
Even Rather than thinking, ‘I’m so tired,’ think instead; ‘Nope I still have loads of energy, -Yes I can hold on until works over and have a rest then.’
I read a few catholic books recently that said the power of positive thinking; it’s the Holy Spirit’s thoughts you think then, and not satan’s hopeless empty thoughts.
You are what your thoughts are. Positive thoughts give you energy and happiness.
Negative thoughts leave you drained and make people ill. Stress. And lead to more negative thoughts, they only get bigger.

I read: thinking positive thoughts is using the ‘sword of the Spirit’ over your life.

Thinking negative thoughts can curse your life or let bits of bad spirits effect your life, ‘Eg: I’m stuck doing this horrible job’ (would hbe cursing your job as horrible, and cursing yourself as stuck there.) whereas: 'I enjoy … about my job, I thank God for an income, I thank God for the things I can buy to support myself, … ’ (blessed your life. If you can be grateful, positive, and see good -it’s all just practice. Your life WILL turn upside down. When we thank God He likes to increase our blessings 100 fold. It’s like taking off bad sun glasses and enjoying all God’s light.

Look at the glass as over flowing, not as half empty

I used to be plagued by negativity until I read some catholic books on how our deliberate and habitual thoughts have a strong effect on us, and how all we have to do is deliberately practice positive thoughts to let the Holy Spirit think in us and bless our lives through our thoughts.
It works. The first few days are an effort. But then it becomes habit!
Be on guard, never dwell deliberately on negative thoughts, often they don’t come from God

Crying cannot be a sin. Not unless you can do it on cue to get a desired result.

Crying is a physical reaction to stress. When you cry, the tears you shed contain high levels of stress hormones. In other words, your body is getting rid of excess cortisol (and others.) it makes you feel better not only because you have expressed your deep sadness, but also because you have rid your body of these chemicals. The exercise helps too.
(I cried so much after my daughter died that my stomach muscles were sore, and flattened up.)

So, it is not a sin. Everyone has a limit to what they can take before they can’t take it anymore. Being at your God given limit isn’t a sin. (But it might indicate that others in your life need to look at themselves and their behaviour a bit more closely…)
God bless.

First of all I am praying for you and for how you are feeling … :signofcross: God hears your prayer, knows your heart’s desires and is there to offer forgiveness and healing love.

I am not sure I understand exactly what you are asking … but I can speak from my personal experience …

My spouse passed away suddenly and unexpectedly several years ago. I still grieve that loss - probably always will on several levels … I am healing …

Often times in my tears and discussions with friends - I acknowledged how selfish I feel … the common response I received was “You are not selfish, its natural to feel this way”

Here is what I know … yes - it is natural for me to feel sad, lost, alone, hurt, broken hearted … all of that is natural … loss hurts … but the root of that hurt is centered in the “self” …ergo - it is selfish … its about ‘my’ loss, ‘my’ hurt, ‘me’ loosing ‘my’ best friend … its all about me …

Coupled with the real knowledge that my spouse is where God wanted them to be … they are in heaven, they are where we [myself included] long and desire to be …

So … is it sinful? … I believe it would only be sinful if I loose sight of the second part - only if I loose sight of the Blessings in my life and let that selfish grief overtake me in totality.

The feelings we have that are centered in ourselves [love of self] are natural - they exist because we are human … the part of us that loves others is because we are made in the image and likeness of God. We are rational and relational beings. We are body and spirit. We do not live only for self but for others - for our God and for our fellow man. Hence was are told to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

Thus I can tell God [and my family and friends] how much I hurt, how much I miss my spouse, how my heart aches and I can cry … as long as I also acknowledge the abundant blessings that came with loving that spouse - a wonderful marriage, a loving companion, best friend, the person who told me [in love and charity] when I was screwing up as well as when I was doing great, the death that came without prolonged pain and suffering [yes - as much as I was shocked and unprepared I am thankful for a death that came while my spouse was strong in mind and body - full of life. It was harder on me - better for them - God’s plan even if I cannot understand the “why” questions] …

I often think of Jesus who wept for Lazarus - Jesus - who is love and life itself - He who is all and knows … if Jesus can weep - then so can I …

And - let me add this … another thing I am thankful for is the realization that my sorrow comes from my selfish side - I believe that that self knowledge is what helps me count my blessings with great gratitude to my Savior and also to know with certitude how deeply my God loves me.

Crying is not self pity per se, and self pity is not a sin, unless it fixes your attention on your own feelings to the exclusion of everybody else or simply living life.



Jesus cried when Lazurus died. can anyone produce st augustine’s quote? seems out of context or something.

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