I was thinking that if I hadn’t lived the life I lived (including sins), then everything would be strikingly different and I wouldn’t be with my fiance.
I love my fiance very much and want to be with him. So I would rather have lived the life I lived than have changed things and been without him.
Now, this applies to sins. Can I be truly repentant if I wish I had sinned and met my fiance later than not sinned and never met him at all?
Am very scared! Please help.
P.S. Ideally I would have never sinned but still met my fiance!
Life and the cleverness with which God works His miracles for us through life is so complex that He easily solves all problems for His saints and also for sinners who go to Him for assistance.
Sometimes, God even structures things so that good for us is achieved through our sins!
But that doesn’t in any sense “bless” our sins. They are still sins.
God even does good for, and blesses, the damned in this life!
But, they are still damned.
You, I think, should also beware of over-prioritizing your fiance, and also of misunderstanding him.
Normally, God gives us to each other for the sake of our mutual salvation. You say, “fiance” this and “fiance” that and “fiance,” “fiance,” “fiance,” but how likely is it that he’ll turn out to be an “ordinary human slob” like me who hurts people including you with his sins so that you’ll be tempted to rue the day you met him and grit your teeth and file for divorce, rather than work and pray for his salvation?
Or, perhaps I have it reversed. Perhaps God has sent you someone who will straighten out your foolishness, because you are the “ordinary human slob” who needs the helpmate to get her to Heaven.
Or, perhaps God gave you – two imperfect human beings – to each other to help each other find the door to Heaven together, with each other’s strengths.
No matter what, kiddo, wake up, and pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, apologize to God for “bar-hopping” or whatever life of sin you were hinting at above, and be “ballsy” but ultimately loving in your search for salvation with your fiance. That is the itinerary.