Is this wrong of me?


#1

Hi everyone,

I have been starting some new chapters in my life. For years, I struggled with depression and low self-esteem and anxiety.

I recently moved out from my parents' home; I'm 27. I also really enjoy cars, and have always wanted an older car to have fun with on weekends and summer days (I currently drive something newer that isn't exciting).

However, my parents have been controlling for most of my life. They've shot down many of my ideas, including me buying another car. Recently, I told them I found a car for $3500 in great shape and all I received was "why's" and lots of negativity.

I found a awesome, rare VW from 1984 for $1600. It's no beauty queen, but it runs and drives great. It fits well in my budget.

However, I am afraid of my parents throwing a gigantic fit and holding a grudge against my "stupid" idea of buying another car once they find out. I know it's just a material object, but is it excessive of me? Is it a sin to want another car for leisure? Am I being a bad son by deciding upon this without their participation or approval?


#2

Quite frankly, I think your car interest is your business and yours alone. There’s a difference between honoring one’s parents and being perpetually treated as a child. True, you’re their child, but you are an adult, living on your own and entirely capable of making your own decisions with regards to vehicles.


#3

Your on your own. They may voice disapproval, but they should respect your wishes as you are on your own.

If you have thought it through…go for it. You are in charge of your life.

You owe your parents respect, however you are in charge of your own decisions and should act as such.


#4

I can't see any angle by which this is a sin - your parents should be honoured, but that doesn't mean they have any right to make decisions about your financial choices.

I think that if this car didn't impact on any duties you might have (financially or time-wise), then there is no problem. I don't see how the car will impact on your duty to your parents.

In terms of buying something that is not necessary, I have heard it said before that the money could be given to charity, where it could be used for good things. The way I understand it, giving money to charity instead of buying something you like is very honourable, but not obligatory. Doing something that is not the most holy thing doesn't mean you are sinning.

I'm happy to be corrected if someone has a better understanding on this.:thumbsup:


#5

[quote="admonsta, post:4, topic:241197"]
I can't see any angle by which this is a sin - your parents should be honoured, but that doesn't mean they have any right to make decisions about your financial choices.

I think that if this car didn't impact on any duties you might have (financially or time-wise), then there is no problem. I don't see how the car will impact on your duty to your parents.

In terms of buying something that is not necessary, I have heard it said before that the money could be given to charity, where it could be used for good things. The way I understand it, giving money to charity instead of buying something you like is very honourable, but not obligatory. Doing something that is not the most holy thing doesn't mean you are sinning.

I'm happy to be corrected if someone has a better understanding on this.:thumbsup:

[/quote]

I agree with your take on this matter, I just wanted to add that charity is always a great thing, but it's not like buying an item deprives anyone: he's helping the people who made the car or the individual who is selling it, earn a living. So there's nothing wrong with that, either!


#6

Buying a car for “fun” is not a sin. Doing something when you are an adult (over age 18) that your parents don’t approve of is not a sin. Your parents deserve respect and your honesty, but you make your own financial decisions as an adult. You can decide to buy another car or 10 million other cars!! That is your business.

But, like I said before, I think that your parents (as well as all parents) deserve respect and honesty. Simply tell them that is your decision and you are an adult. You are asking them to respect your decision, just as you have to respect theirs.

Good luck… and I love VW’s too!! Have fun!!! :smiley:


#7

Watch the brake and accelerator (and clutch) pedals. They are floor-mounted and pebbles can slip down, creating strange effects. Have fun. Take your parents for a drive!


#8

On the first read through the opening post, my first thought was that, “if you live with them”, but you don’t live with them. Did you move far enough away? It sounds like not. You made a huge mistake telling them about the $3500 car. You must have learned from that mistake, by not telling them about the $1600 one. Don’t. Now that you’re out, you have more control over your own life, and how much control they get. Don’t give them control.


#9

I understand what it is like to be treated as a child by a parent. I’m 34 and my father still does that a lot. Solution: don’t confide in them about your bussiness because they probably see it as you asking for permission. Boundaries are crucial.

Enjoy your car :thumbsup: it sounds lots of fun.


#10

Yea, I did tell them about the $3500 car. I don’t live a very far distance from them. I know my younger brother and possibly my sister would also love it if I got a fun car.

I appreciate all the advice here; it appears everyone is unanimous that it;s not something dishonorable of me to want to do this…for years, when I’ve wanted to do something as ambitious as this, I’ve been stifled or been worn down by their worrying and reasoning.


#11

Like everyone said, obedience is no longer expected of you.

Of course, on some level, their opinions will always matter to you. They should not, however be the driving force of your life.


#12

[quote="JoyIsLikeRain, post:10, topic:241197"]
Yea, I did tell them about the $3500 car. I don't live a very far distance from them. I know my younger brother and possibly my sister would also love it if I got a fun car.

I appreciate all the advice here; it appears everyone is unanimous that it;s not something dishonorable of me to want to do this...for years, when I've wanted to do something as ambitious as this, I've been stifled or been worn down by their worrying and reasoning.

[/quote]

Congratulations, you are emancipating yourself! And none too soon! You have an interest and a hobby and presumably, a job which allows you to support yourself as well as save money to use on your own pursuits! You're growing up...learning that your parents do not have control over your life any more. It's between you and God. Have fun with your "bug!"

:thumbsup:


#13

Nothing wrong with it!

My 19 year old came home from college and wanted to buy a watercraft. (He still lives with me). He had the money in his account (separate from his college fund). He did the research and he found one reasonable priced, so he asked me if he could buy it. I told him it was his money and he had to figure out what he needed and where he would store it. So he figured everything out. He bought it. He has LOVED it. When I think of what many other 19 year old college guys are doing with their free time and what my son has learned about engines, etc. in just a few weeks, I am thrilled! (Now his grandmother, on the other hand, can’t believe I would “allow” it, what was he thinking, what a waste of money, etc. etc.) I just smile and change the conversation!

Go for it and HAVE FUN in your “new” VW! :thumbsup:


#14

[quote="Catholic90, post:13, topic:241197"]
Nothing wrong with it!

My 19 year old came home from college and wanted to buy a watercraft. (He still lives with me). He had the money in his account (separate from his college fund). He did the research and he found one reasonable priced, so he asked me if he could buy it. I told him it was his money and he had to figure out what he needed and where he would store it. So he figured everything out. He bought it. He has LOVED it. When I think of what many other 19 year old college guys are doing with their free time and what my son has learned about engines, etc. in just a few weeks, I am thrilled! (Now his grandmother, on the other hand, can't believe I would "allow" it, what was he thinking, what a waste of money, etc. etc.) I just smile and change the conversation!

Go for it and HAVE FUN in your "new" VW! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

Good for him; I'm glad you have an encouraging mentality. I wish I could have been able to do such things when I was 19. The VW's a Rabbit (the mammal instead of an insect), and it's a year older than me!


#15

No, as long as you can afford it. A used car can be fun if you’re not depending on it for transportation. And frankly, having a backup in case your daily driver needs to go in the shop for a few days can be handy when you’re on your own.

I bought my first car when I was 15, before I had a license. '65 Mustang trailer queen- the transmission was in the trunk and it had a blown head gasket. I had it back together in time for my 16th birthday and license. Took every spare dime and every spare minute of my time. Learned an awful lot from that car and wish I could afford and had room for a project car to work on with my son.

ETA: BTW, I’ve found that folks who have hard time spending money on themselves have just as hard a time spending it on others as well. Seems the reluctance to spend can turn to a tendency towards miserliness.


#16

[quote="Catholic90, post:13, topic:241197"]
Nothing wrong with it!

My 19 year old came home from college and wanted to buy a watercraft. (He still lives with me). He had the money in his account (separate from his college fund). He did the research and he found one reasonable priced, so he asked me if he could buy it. I told him it was his money and he had to figure out what he needed and where he would store it. So he figured everything out. He bought it. He has LOVED it. When I think of what many other 19 year old college guys are doing with their free time and what my son has learned about engines, etc. in just a few weeks, I am thrilled! (Now his grandmother, on the other hand, can't believe I would "allow" it, what was he thinking, what a waste of money, etc. etc.) I just smile and change the conversation!

Go for it and HAVE FUN in your "new" VW! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

I agree and like your way of thinking. :thumbsup:


#17

That’s my parents in some ways. Don’t spend any more than you have to (but then they buy something that’s a ridiculous waste of money once in a blue moon). And I have their voices in my head, putting down my ideas.

I could always sell the car down the road…


#18

As long as you aren't financially dependent on your parents in any way and don't owe them any money for anything, there's nothing wrong with buying the car.

If your parents hold a grudge because you, their adult child, bought something you wanted with your own money, the problem is theirs. It seems like they need a little reminder that you are a capable, independent adult. If they do throw a fit, just remove yourself from the situation and let them get over it on their own. There are plenty more important things for them to be worrying about.


#19

[quote="JoyIsLikeRain, post:1, topic:241197"]
Hi everyone,

I have been starting some new chapters in my life. For years, I struggled with depression and low self-esteem and anxiety.

I recently moved out from my parents' home; I'm 27. I also really enjoy cars, and have always wanted an older car to have fun with on weekends and summer days (I currently drive something newer that isn't exciting).

However, my parents have been controlling for most of my life. They've shot down many of my ideas, including me buying another car. al?

[/quote]

not enough info
in what way are they controlling?
if they hold the purse strings, you have to follow their ideas on spending until you generate your own source of income. If you are self-supporting and living on your own, why are you even asking their persmission or advice on your spending? If you have debts they have assumed responsibility for, then yes, they should have some input on your spending.


#20

[quote="puzzleannie, post:19, topic:241197"]
not enough info
in what way are they controlling?
if they hold the purse strings, you have to follow their ideas on spending until you generate your own source of income. If you are self-supporting and living on your own, why are you even asking their persmission or advice on your spending? If you have debts they have assumed responsibility for, then yes, they should have some input on your spending.

[/quote]

Nope, no debts. No offense, but it appears you've never dealt with emotional, controlling and nosy family members before. It's hard, especially for someone who has experienced what I've lived with my whole life, to have the social pattern of one's family change overnight.


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